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My doctor told me that an abortion was one solution, but she encouraged me first to find out more about the condition before making a decision that is as permanent as abortion. She gave me some phone numbers to call.
The first number was that of a craniofacial team in my area. They offered that I could come to the panel they would be having in the next month. However, if I were going to choose abortion, I would want to make that decision quickly. I didn't want to wait another month, and then decide to abort when it would be more difficult on me, both emotionally and physically. I asked them if they could send me some literature. They said they would. and then they gave me another phone number to call and strongly encouraged me to call it. It was the phone number for WIDE SMILES.
I almost didn't make that call. It was long distance - to California. As silly as it seems today, I wondered if the people in California would be interested in one family - -one little unborn baby- - thousands of miles away. I began to feel that it was time to make a decision, and that the decision, painful as it was to me, would be to abort this child and try again when the time was right.
I picked up the phone to call my Ob-Gyn. Looking for her number, I picked up the number for WIDE SMILES instead. On impulse, I called WIDE SMILES. Joanne Green answered the phone. I didn't even know what to say to her. I told her that the baby I was carrying was diagnosed with a cleft, and I needed information. Joanne began asking questions that cut right to the heart of what was going on.
The first question Joanne asked was, "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" I told her that it's a boy. She responded, "Oh, how wonderful! I have two sons!" For the first time since the "news", I thought of my child as a baby again, and not as a cleft lip and palate.
Joanne asked me about my family and my husband. She asked me about my daughter. Then she asked me what my concerns were. She took her time with me, explaining just what is involved in repairing the cleft. Then I asked her if one of her sons had a cleft. She told me that, in fact, both sons and a daughter had a cleft, and that she adopted all three of her children. That gave me a new perspective. This woman not only made the choice to become the parent of a cleft child, but she willingly did it again, and then she did it again! When I asked her if she would ever adopt another child with a cleft, she answered, "No, I ran out of bedrooms."
Joanne Green never did tell me to abort or not to abort. But she did say that she felt that the cleft should not be the reason to choose abortion. She said that when she asked herself if it would be better if her kids had never been born, she would have to say no--it would not have been better, "These children are loved and they give love. They are growing up, and learning and developing. They will go on, hopefully to college and to careers. They will most likely marry and have children and be normal, healthy, responsible adults. In exchange, we've spent a few days in the hospital and a few weeks in after- care. " She underscored that she would not tell me how to choose, but that she would be more than happy to share her experiences with me.
After our conversation I felt better. I felt a warmth around my tummy and inside I felt like my baby was telling me that everything would be all right. I got a packet of information from WIDE SMILES a few days later. By then my husband and I had pretty well already decided to parent the child I was carrying. WIDE SMILES gave me the number of another family in my area that had agreed to meet us. They also have a five-year- old daughter with a cleft. And I kept that appointrnent a month later with our cleft palate team.
When James Adam was born four months ago. we were ready. I don't mean to say we were not still wishing he didn't have a cleft, but we did know what to expect. His unilateral cleft actually looked better than we had expected. He was a healthy, 7 lb. 10 oz. and began to eat right away from a Mead Johnson nurser.
If you learn that your child has a cleft, then use the time you have left in your pregnancy to prepare for your child. Find the doctor and team you will use. join a support group, learn all you can about your baby's condition. Eat well and take care of yourself. Do all you can to make your baby as healthy as he can be before he is born. Get some cleft palate nursers and learn how to use them. Make arrangements to have your baby in a hospital where they are prepared for high-risk births.
I don't want my name published with this article because I don't want my son to pick up this magazine when he is older and learn how close he came to never being born. When I hold and cuddle my beautiful son, and when I feel how much I love him and how proud I am of him, I can't believe myself, that he was almost aborted.
Thank you, Joanne Green. You did not tell me what to do. You gave me what I needed - -information and understanding. You helped ME to make the best decision for me and my son.
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