ADOPT: SUPPORT FORUM for Birthparents
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ADOPT: SUPPORT FORUM for Birthparents
Welcome to the Support Forum
for Those Considering Making an Adoption Plan!
Back to Adopt: Assistance Information Support Index
Waiting Parents
If you want to share your experiences, send us email and we'll post! We really appreciate you all!
need a support group 6 Jun 97
I live in Memphis, Tn and just recently relinquished my daughter. I am looking to find a good bmom support group and was wondering if you all knew of a good one around here. Thanks for your help
Angel2313@AOL.com
Anyone with suggestions, please email us and we'll post.
Birthmother Wanting to help others 6 Jun 97
I am birth mother, it is hard still to think that. 8 & 1/2 years ago I let my little girl go, to a wonderful couple. I was just 18 and realized the whole world was at my feet. I couldn't take care of a child, I was still a child myself. The whole pregnancy and adoption process was normal, great even. I chose closed adoption, for reasons I have not given thought to. There is a file that I may write to and send her cards and letters, but no telling information is given. My daughter has access to this when she wants. So everything was normal until I had severe toxemia/eclampsia. She was born 1 month early and a total surprise to us all. I suppose in a way this was fortunate. Because of her low birth weight and complications I faced I had 3 weeks with her, when others only have days. We formed a special bond I believe one of love. This all happened around Christmas and it makes me feel better about the whole thing knowing that this couple had a very special gift that year. They put "it's a girl" in Christmas lights at their house. I have sent her a card for her birthday every year and letters telling her that I love her dearly and miss her. I can only hope that she knows that I had to make this choice, and the way her parents are I know she knows. They have sent me letters and pictures for 2 years. It has been a wonderful experience and one that continues to be. I have worked thru a lot of grief pain and anger, there is still more and thank God it has lessened some over the years, but it never goes away. I used to be involved in a program talking to teen about this, but that program has ended. I want to get involved in helping others in the D.C. Area, or anywhere. I want to share this experience I went thru with others, to let them know it can happen to them. I want to talk with other who are going through adoption and help them with there feelings and get their lives back. I want to talk to others who are at a point like I am so I can figure out some of these feelings that I still have. Anyone who wants to talk, or has any information that can help me help others please contact me at CBurn82942@aol.com or by letters. Thank you to all adoptive parents for giving birth parents a second chance at life and taking care and loving their little ones.
birth parents' rights 29 May 97
what are the rights of the birth parents today?
Response:
The laws vary from state to state, but, in general, the birth parent has a right to choose parents for their child, the right to have counseling to explore every avenue from parenting the child herself to adoption, the right to legal council, the right to have medical expenses paid for by the adopting couple, the right to have living expenses paid for the last couple of months of the pregnancy. The birth parent has a certain amount of time to change her mind regarding adoption after the birth. For your particular state, check with an agency or adoption attorney.
Help 25 May 97
Eight months ago, I placed my son for adoption. My boyfriend, of two years, and I moved out of state and decided to go the adoption route when I was six months pregnant. I thought about it all the time, but I was the one gaining the weight and having the back aches and feeling the little kicks so I had no choice. My boyfriend would never talk about it. We didn't ever talk. I talked to the few friends I had, our adoptive parents and our social worker, but I needed his support also. It wasn't there. When the baby was born and the parents left with him, my boyfriend was so great. He helped my cope and was there grieving with me for about two weeks and then he went back to his usual "hard" self. I started to think that he didn't love me. Then we moved back home and things were okay. But now I am the one losing interest. I feel like we have to stay together for the baby, but we don't, right? The baby has his parents. I know we will always be apart of his life. He will always know that we will be his birthparents and now much we love him. I just feel guilty. I do bot regret placing him for adoption. Now I know that my boyfriend and I won't be together forever and I don't want my son growing up in a broken home. That's how I was brought up and it is awful. But should I feel guilty? Is that normal even though the baby is not with us?
Response:
Someone once said that one of the most important things parents can give their children is their love for each other. Taking this a step further, I think that one of the most important things birthparents can give their child is the respect they have for each other. I do not think that you need to marry the birthfather to provide your child this. What is most important to the child is that all the adults in his life do their best to get along. To speak kindly of each other, to respect their involvement. To realize that they can all share in the child's life and love.
I did not marry my child's birthfather, but we have worked very hard over the years to let Matthew know that we love and care for him. As far as our relationship is concerned I have explained to Matthew that while I loved his birthfather, it was not the kind of love that two people have who want to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. I am happy to say that his birthfather and I were able to work through our anger and hurt to provide a united front for our son. It is not unlike amicable divorce situations, where parents put aside their differences to do what is best for the child.
I hope this helps.
Brenda
Brenda Romanchik is the birthmother of a twelve year old in an open adoption. She is also a partner in R-Squared Press, a primary publisher of open adoption resources.
Question 22 May 97
I am researching about adoption in my social problem class. And I have a question. If I want to give my baby to adoption, how can I do? In Wisconsin, is there open adoption?
Response:
Hi and thanks for your question. There are several ways you could go. I would recommend that you deal with someone who specializes in open adoption. You are not limited by your state law since you can place your baby through an attorney who specializes in open adoption like Nanci Worcester in California who deals solely with open adoption, or with Linda Nunez who also does open adoptions.
But a first step would be to get counseling--I would check with Crisis Pregnancy first and enlist their help...also check out the attorneys who will help with open adoption ....and check out some of the waiting parents online who are waiting for a child.
Fathers rights 21 May 97
Hello, I am a friend who is researching this topic, that of father's rights, for a friend of mine. He has established that he is the father of a child that will born to his ex-girlfriend. This woman, his ex-girlfriend, wants to put the child up for adoption, and the father doesn't. Can he get custody? What are a father's rights when it comes to his biological offspring? Can the woman give the child up for adoption, even without the express consent of the biological father? What are some resources and sites that would be helpful in finding information on this subject? I am at a loss, it is difficult in the deluge of information on the internet to search out exactly what we need to know, any assistance would be GREATLY appreciated.... Thank you.
Response:
The laws vary from state to state...but, in general, the birth father should have a say in this and a right to custody. However, this is a legal question and you should consult an attorney who specializes in family or adoption law in your state. To find one, check our state by state resources and choose your state. When the list of resources comes up, go to the bottom of the list and see the list of attorneys who can help you. Also, contact Concerned United Birthparents at Concerned United Birthparents (CUB) 2000 Walker Street Des Moines, IA 50317 1
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