Support Forum, Part 2
Support Forum, Part 2Welcome to the Support Forum!
(Continued)
Adoption in South Africa?
Please can you help. I am living in South Africa. My husband & I wish to adopt a child (newborn to 2 years old) from a foreign country - we are not fussy about the country or nationality of the child. Do you know of any persons or agencies we can contact in this regard (preferably South African based) or of any sites on the Internet I could look at. Regards, Tracey
roaket@durban.gov.za
This is the only information I could find:
Familles sans Frontieres (http://www.planet.ch/~fsf/) is a Swiss Foundation devoted to helping children and promoting adoption. It was founded on October 26, 1992 by a small group of people wishing to help destitute children in poor countries that lack the support of a family. This desire led to a series of concrete actions undertaken in Madagascar. Familles sans Fronti?res is a charitable foundation whose members are all 100% volunteers. It is fully licensed by Madagar authorities as a charitable non-governmental organization. Anyone with info, please let us know.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
My wife and I adopted our son in N.C. 14 months ago. He was 7 monthes old. He had been in a foster home with wonderful people for the entire 7 months while the legal issues were handled.
In our situation it was i who could not produce children. My wife could not have been more understanding. We were to go through it together. We chose adoption. Our son is perfect.
My question , or problem, is in the fact that I think that my wife feels left out with respect to our son. She loves him dearly. However, teh bond that he and I have is more noticable. He acts lovingly to her yet she is certain that he loves me more. I don't thinl so but I don't know how to convince her of the fact.
I tend to be more open with my feelings than she is. Therefore I probably dote on our son more than she does. I am the touchy-feeling type of dad who roles in the floor every night. I probably take more of his attention because we wrestle or role in the floor. I am more boisterous-(sp) than my wife so he is understandingly more animated with me at certain times of the day. I guess I am asking if I should step back for a while and let her take over or change in someother way that will make her feel more important. I tell her all of the time that she is just imagining it, and I think she is because there are definitly times when he would rather sit calmly in her arms than rough house with me.
I love my wife. She is a wonderful mother. She just gets depressed about this from time to time and I don't know how to help her.
Please get this email to someone who can give me some help. Surely we are not the first to experience this problem.
email a response to sc1202@aol.com or email to this site and we'll post responses.
Interracial adoption
We (a white couple) adopted William (a black baby) when he was 5 days old. We have an older son, born to us. The boys have no problem with each other, and our community (white, middle-class) has been very accepting, but I feel the need to contact more families like us because I can tell that Will (now 4) feels "different". My older child has black friends and I encourage him to bring them home. We find the black community open to us in ways it never was before - black women will stop me in the store, after hearing Will call me "Mama", and tell me how glad they are that I gave him a home. We tried the Interracial Family Alliance, which is an excellent group but really does focus on the interracial marriage. We make some of them uncomfortable, because we're both white.
Can you refer us to any groups in Texas - or elsewhere, with whom we can correspond - for families interracial by adoption?
We are very happy with our decision and want Will to grow up happy with it, too.
psamo@prodigy.net
Response:
Try contacting the following for help finding a group: Beth Hall at pactbeth@earthlink.net
from PACT, an adoption alliance, which deals solely with biracial adoptions
Mary Sullivan at naic@calib.com
from National Adoption Information Clearinghouse
Adoptive Families of America 1-800-372-3300
What about a story on my homepage
It's a homepage where people can write/read storys abot Adoption http://home5.inet.tele.dk/gsimon/ Sorry about my english but I am from Denmark Gert Simonsen
gsimon@post5.tele.dk
Thailand
My husband and I are adopting a 5 year old from Thailand. We would very much be put in contact with others who have also adopted or are going to adopt from Thailand. We have many questions and need help.
web1997@mail.gte.net
Response:
The only thing I am aware of is the list for parents adopting from Vietnam, but maybe someone can let us know if there is such a list for Thailand.
Here is the info for Vietnam
a-parents-vietnam
To Subscribe: Send a message to a-parents-vietnam-request@shore.net and type in subscribe. If you would prefer the digest version, send your message to a-parents-vietnam-digest-request@shore.net and type in subscribe.
Adoption Subsidy
I live in Massachusetts. My children have all been subsitized adoptions. Recently my son who is now 19 quit school. They dropped his subsidy. He has been accepted to another school in September of 1997 and plans to go to summer school full time this summer of 1997. They will not reinstate him for his subsidy. Also, they took away his medical and he needs constant medication for a deviated septom and facing probable surgery and he has a low tone hearing loss which he has had since birth. He really needs this subsidy. He is willing to work but the $400 odd dollars he received was paying for his dorm room. Does he has any recourse? Please let me know. I appreciate it.
rbeck-1@idt.net
Response:
Your best source of information about subsidy is Adoption Advocate's Resource page at http://www.fpsol.com/adoption/advocates.html
Business Cards for Adoption
Hi, found your web page very informative--(referring to networking article). My husband and I made up some business cards recently and want to hand them out but are concerned. At what point does this become advertising instead of networking? The reason that I ask is because I believe it is illegal to advertise in California and I don't want to run the risk of doing something that will eventually cause us trouble. I liked the idea of sending them in our bills. Please let me know if you know.
abrien@pacbell.net
Response:
Giving out business cards is not considered advertising. Also the advertising law is very strange, because ads are placed in papers like USA Today which come to California. I have also heard of people simply putting an ad in the newspaper which reads "Abortion Alternative" and then their phone number--as a way of making contacts, but am not sure if that is considered illigal.
Adoption Chatrooms
I'm trying to find an adoption chatroom. Any ideas of where to look?
jsnewsom@skyenet.net
Response:
The most active ones I know are on America OnLine. There are also newsgroups at alt.adoption and alt.adoption.agency.
Anyone with more suggestions, please email leningtn@ix.netcom.com and I will post.
There are bulletin boards at the Disney Site at http://www.family.com/ and go to Family Ties and then to Adoption.
questions
Hi! My husband and I are discussing the adoption option. We have a three-year old son (our genetic progeny) but it's extremely unlikely that I will be able to conceive again. We would love to have another child. How would most adoption agencies look on our situation (ie we "already" have a child...)? Would we be better off trying for an independent/private adoption? I actually have amillion questions but I'll leave it at that for now. Thanks.
davidpeg@ix.netcom.com (David & Peg Cook)
Response:
Agencies vary so I would recommend that you choose the type of adoption you want: Domestic vs. International, then if you want to do a domestic, look into the different options available: Independent vs. agency. Once you narrow this down, look for an agency or attorney or facilitator to help you. There are many wonderful choices out there. For a sampling, check out our main index page at http://www. adopting.org/ar.html
Single-parent adoptions
I am wondering how difficult it is for a single person to adopt. I am a 36 year old woman, a teacher, financially stable and secure, divorced. I don't feel very good about having to get married again in order to have children. I know single parent adoptions are done but what are the criteria and what is the process? Am I immediately disqualified because I am single and not a celebrity?
tsteele@twave.net
Response:
No, many single people adopt. It is usually easier to do an international adoption or to do a special needs adoption. See the following:
The easiest way to adopt a sibling group or a special needs child is to call your local adoption agency which is usually located in the government pages either in the front or back of your phone directory or sometimes in the yellow pages, too--sometimes listed under Dept of Human Services or Dept of Social Services. You should also be eligible to receive a subsidy for these kinds of adoptions: See http://www.adopting.org/subsidy.html
For international adoption, check out the following:
Our main page at
http://www.adopting.org/ar.html, which has the following as well as resources--
http://www.adopting.org/internat.html
http://www.adopting.org/start.html
http://www.adopting.org/hstudy.html
Single-parent adoptions
I am currently researching single-parent adoptions for an ethics report. I am also considering it personally in the future. I would GREATLY appreciate any firsthand single-parent adoption experiences. In the case of single-parent adoptions, are there different questions asked by social services? Why did you choose to adopt as a single person? Are there any other resources where I can gather more information on this subject? Thanks so much--Jessie Harris
harrisj@elmo.nmc.edu
Response:
See the following:
http://www.adopting.org/ncsap.html
http://www.adopting.org/single.html
http://www.adopting.org/rwsingle.html
Research Question:
I am currently in year 10 doing my I.R.R (Independent Research Report). The topic that I chose to do this on is, "Should homosexual couples be legally allowed to adopt children". I have searched the Net for information, and I have a few contacts which I can ask for assistance, but I was wondering if you would happen to know of any other useful places or phone numbers in Australia that could help me. I live in the Northern Territory, but information just covering Australia would be perfect. If you have any information, it would be a great help, and greatly appreciated. Thankyou. Rebekah Bateman.
peak@ozemail.com.au
Response:
Adoption Research Mailing List
To Subscribe: Send a message to listproc@cornell.edu and in the body of the message, type
subscribe adoption-research-l
Description: For those involved with adoption research.
Korean mailing lists
I have found mailing lists forChina and Vietnam but have had no success locating a mailing address to speak with people who are adopting children from Korea. Are you aware of any such list and do you happen to know how to reach them? thanks for your assistance in advance.
Teri5@aol.com
Response:
adopt_korea
For adoptive parents of children from Korea.
To Subscribe: Send an e-mail to external-majordomo@postofc.corp.sgi.com. In the body of the message,type
subscribe adopt_korea.
Personal Adoption Success Stories
I would be curious to know if there are any online adoption success stories. I am looking to adopt a child myself and was just wondering. thanks.
MissJo1963@aol.com
Response:
thanks for your question. Check out the following:
http://www.adopting.org/storysrc.html
How are you handling your coming adoption?
I just wanted to contact you for future reference. My wife and I are expecting a newborn adoptive girl in May. We are going through an emotional roller coaster thinking of all the possible outcomes. If there are other parents out there, I'd like to have a way to contact them to see how they are handling the ups and downs of adoption. Thanks
Scott Gautney
scottg@bhssf.org
Response:
You are not alone. My husband and I are in the adoption process also. We have been for over a year now. We have had a few close calls but no baby yet. We were chosen by a girl who is due in May also. She seemed excited and ready to make an adoption plan for her baby. She even wanted me to go to the child birthing classes with her, which I did go to one. Well now she has told us she wants to slow things down and we have not heard from her for almost a month now. Our attorney has written her a letter hoping to get some kind of response. We haven't gotten any yet. So we are like you it is very much an emotional rollercoaster that we are ready to get off of. Ours may end in May or it may not. I guess what really keeps my husband and I going is knowing that God has the control in all of this and he is going to make it happen at just the right time. If you would like to talk to us please send us and email at bless@ai2a.net. Good Luck on your adoption. We know exactly how you are feeli ng if that helps you any. Wendy Haydock
Federal tax break
Greetings, can't find anyone who can give me the income breakdown of what income levels the $5000 federal tax break starts to drop off and at what income levels. Is there a chart I can get or do you have the numbers, need to makes some deicisons soon to lesser my tax burden , this would be very helpful.. Thanks for any assitance you can give.
sd322@jps.net
Response:
The answer is a little complicated. This is what I was told by the IRS: You need to take your adjusted gross income. For example, if it's 80,000, you take the difference between 80,000 and 75,000. which is 5,000. You divide that by 40,000 and get .125. You multiply 80,000 by .125 and the deduction is reduced by $625, which means you get to deduct $4,375. If any of this makes sense to you, I'm glad. (There are also other things you have to subtract from your AGI, but they are such things as foreign income and some other things which most adopting parents will not have to worry about). For all other tax questions, please check with your tax professional or the IRS at 1-800-829-1040! BTW, I assume you know it goes into effect as of Jan1, 1997, so it's not good for 1996 adoptions.
requirements for an individual adoption of a baby girl in San Diego, CA
Response:
The best thing for a prospective birthmom to do, is to find an attorney or licensed agency. They will help you.
For prospective adoptive parents, there needs to be a homestudy completed. Also check out the article on getting started and on independent adoption. Find yourself an agency or an attorney or a facilitator to help.
information
I am emailing for information concerning finding pictures of adopatable children. I saw on the news where you could look up adoptable children on the net. Could you help me. Thank you
Denean@aol.com
Responses:
See the following--
http://www.adopting.org/htc.html
http://www.inet.net/adopt/
http://www.state.ny.us/dss/adopt/adavail.htm
http://www.tdprs.state.tx.us/adoption/tare.html
Internation adoption in Canada
I am looking for any information that could be provided to a Canadian couple considering international adoption.
nkstewrt@istar.ca
Response:
Check with Robin Hilborne from www.helping.com. He lives in Canada and has published Helper Magazine, a resource for adoptive parents.
Also see International Adoption Agencies for Canada--
a wonderful site listing adoption agencies for Canadians.
Toys
How can I go about sending toys to these orphanages?? Please send information as I feel this is the only way that I can help out at the present time, Although in the future I will be interested in adopting.
svea@telusplanet.net
Response:
There are several organizations who will take toys. The following routinely send toys and supplies to orphanages:
Help the Children
The Family Network
Universal Aid for Children
Email any of them off their sites and let them know. Thanks for your generosity.
ANY HELP APPRECIATED!
I am a therapist at Kids First, Inc. Child Advocacy Center in Elizabeth City, NC. My library resources are very limited. I would appreciate any recommendations re professional literature that addresses the impact of foster children being placed with extended family they know only slightly (or not at all) versus placement with foster parents who wish to adopt. I anticipate having to address this issue in court soon, so I'd appreciate any info you can send my way.
Incidentally, I worked as a Research Asst at EPPI in 1990, part of an NIMH study headed by Sue McLeer that focused on the long-term effect of child sexual abuse. Thanks for your help and response!
kjace@ecsu.campus.mci.net
Response:
Hi and thanks for your message. Here are some resources:
There is a research mailing list where you can ask your question at
Adoption Research Mailing List
To Subscribe: Send a message to listproc@cornell.edu and in the body of the message, type
subscribe adoption-research-l
Description: For those involved with adoption research.
Newsgroup at alt.adoption
Child Welfare Institute in Atlanta GA (phone number is 404/876-1934)
Child Welfare League
http://www.handsnet.org/cwla/cwla.publications.html
National Adoption Information Clearinghouse
naic@calib.com
List serve Info
Is there any list serve (e-mail) group for adoptive, adoptive would be's?
PSOBA@aol.com
Response:
ADOPTION
To Subscribe: Send a message to listserv@sjuvm.stjohns.edu. In the body of the message, type:
subscribe adoption [your name].
For all members of the adoption triad - adoptees, adoptive parents and birthparents.
APARENT
To Subscribe: Send an e-mail to listserv@sjuvm.stjohns.edu. In the body of the message, type
subscribe aparent [your name].
For adoptive parents and those considering adoption.
There is also a newgroup at alt.adoption.agency which has information and exchange of ideas.
financial assistance for adoption
My husband and I are very excited about beginning the adoption process. Unfortunately, the cost to adopt is very high. Are you aware of any institutions that assist adoptive parents financially, or ideas for financial assistance to parents? Thank you in advance for any information you can make available to us.
Teri5@aol.com
Response:
Unfortunately, there really very little help.
Of course, there is the $5,000 tax credit which the government gives and $6,000 for special needs adoptions. See http://www.adopting.org/tax.html
The only programs available are loans but the rates are VERY high!! There are some ways of controlling the costs, though:
If you do an independent adoption and if you find your own birthmother and bring her to an attorney or agency and ask for an "identified adoption," the cost should be lower. See the following for ways of locating a birth mom:
http://www.adopting.org/network.html
Another way of securing a low cost adoption is to do a foster-adoption, or to adopt a special needs child. If you adopt a sibling group(or any special needs adoption or fostering), you are even eligible for a subsidy--ie: they pay you! See: http://www.adopting.org/subsidy.html
There are also other ways of decreasing the cost such as a program which some attorneys or agencies offer where you can get insurance in the case a birthmom changes her mind. Hope some of these ways are helpful.
adoption question
My husband and I are trying to decide whether it would meet our needs more to adopt or to go the donor egg route. I am wondering whether others have struggled with these two options and how they have arrived at their decision. Also, I am wondering how long it would take to adopt, domestically, a caucasian newborn with no disabilities. My husband is age 45 and I am age 40. I am infertile and we have no children. lbrown@bigfoot.com
Anyone with experiences, please email and I'll post.
Response:
From experience with both invitro and adoption, I would have to advise you to adopt. Adoption is a safe bet if you have the money. It can be very expensive, but it no more expensive than spending 10,000,00 on a 18% chance of becoming pregnant. Good luck.
bncarr@erols.com
Help in New York
Can you send us a list of Adoption Agencies on the East Coast servicing New York?
drummer@imcnet.net
Response:
We are putting together a place where anyone can find an agency to help them. Check out the following: http://www.adopting.org/agency.html
and click on New York State.
what to pack
I am adopting from Russia. I am interested in suggestions for small gifts to bring to the baby home, caregivers and guides,etc... Also I would like to know what items I should bring for my own comfort.
jjensen@welchlink.welch.jhu.edu
Response:
For help from others, join the following listserve:
A.PARENT.RUSS
To Subscribe: Send an email message to: listproc@list.serve.com. In the message bodyput the following line: subscribe a.parent.russ .
Listowner: Cynthia Teeters (c-teeters@worldnet.att.net)
URL: http://www.serve.com/fredt/adopt.html
Description: This is a mailing list for the adoptive parents of children from Russia. Families considering adoption from Russia and others touched by Russian adoption are also welcome.
Support groups for families of Romanian orphans
We would like to locate other familes who have adopted Romanian children to discusss issues that are more unique to these children. We have a 12 year son who we adopted three years ago. Up to then, he spent his entire life in orphanages. It would be particularly helpful for us to talk with other familes who have adopted older children from Romania. If you can help us get in touch with such a group we would be very grateful.
jshafer@thequest.net
Response:
Click here for information.
Support for Adoptive Parents in Reunion
My son has recently begun a reunion process with his birth mom. I am having difficulty adjusting and would like to find a support group to help. Do you know of anything in the San Francisco Bay Area?
janehagan@AOL.com
Additional note regarding resource:
PACER deals specifically with post-adoption issues including reunion challenges. Their number is 510-935-6622.
Dealing with Mom's grieving
I have recently located my birthfamily. My birthmother and birthfather were married 4 years after I was born and had a son 8 years later. They are divorced now but both families are still very much connected to each other. So, since I have made contact, I have heard from several members of my birthfamily. It is an exciting time for me, but very difficult on my Mom. She feels I am slowly slipping away (although nothing has changed in our relationship) and she feels that she was just "filling in" as my mother for the past 27 years. I have tried to reassure her over and over again. I think she needs to talk with some- one who understands what she is feeling. Can anyone suggest a support group that she can speak with? Your help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
shagette@bellatlantic.net
Responses:
Finding birth parents
At the age of 42 I found my Birth mother. We have a good relationahip tho I am not as close to her as my adoptive family. The thing that I want to relate is that you must be mature enough to accept whatever you find were the conditions of your birth. You must be ready to accept your birth-parents for who they are. I know I dreamed of what my birth parents should be like and they were not as I thought. I accepted what I found and continued on. I have also located my birth-father, but he wants nothing to do with me. I also had to be ready for the rejection. I had to tell myself it was his loss, not mine. That I was aperson that could go on with my life without him. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts.
Jeanne@customnet.com
Not all adoptee's are as fotunate as you to have terrific A-parents and some others need to know their true heritage and medical history. It is natural for a human to want to know their true roots. This doesn't mean that they will turn their backs on the people who raised them. Not everyone is the same and other's should not be condemed for wanting to know the truth as all people should be entitled to know.
H.MURRAY@worldnet.att.net
I need to tell my story!
I agree with your thoughtful story, you must love your parents very much. Years ago I gave up a baby girl at the age of fifteen. No, I am not looking to be this child's parent but only to know that what I did at the young age of fifteen was the right thing. I've always felt that i was only a vehicle for this young spirit to gain access to this life , my physical child was never meant for me. But there is still a part of me that wants to know that i did what was right and that beautiful baby girl from so long ago is having the most wonderful life!
angklee@mail.usmo.com
Return to the topBack to Adopting Resources
Write usor
Select here to send mail.
Copyright ?1996 Community Internet Services. All Rights Reserved.
| Adoption Profiles |
|
Add Your Comments!
We want to know what you think. Your comments are important to us and the other readers. You are what makes this site special.