ADOPT: SUPPORT FORUM
ADOPT: SUPPORT FORUM Support Forum...continuedAugust 1997
To Tell or Not to Tell
Is it necessary to tell her school teacher about her adoption we have always treated this a just another way children come to be in families. No one has asked us about it. I am just curious. I have not been able to find the answer to this question. I would appreciate your input.
Response:
Hi,
check out the article..."To tell or not to tell" in our reading room
Anyone else have input? Email and we'll post.
Fees for Second Home Study
My wife and I adopted our second child from the same birth father and mother. Our daughter is 11 1/2 mos younger than our son. The home study for our daughter was started 6 mos after the completion of our son's home study. We are ready to finalize the adoption, but the County of San Diego wants to charge us the full $1250 fee for the second study. They say that the fee is mandated by the State of California. Our attorney has been no help. Anyone have a similar experience? At the least, we'd like to know who to appeal to at the State level.
NIALL.JONES-WHITE@cpmx.saic.com
Response:
I will forward this on to our legal and adoption experts.
Anyone else have input? Email and we'll post.
Military Adoption Question
Please...can you quote the regulations (army) that speak to the military adoption benefits mentioned in the great article (retrieved from the Web) on military and adopting. We are a military family with one adopted child and planning on a second. This would be a great help!
Thanks! Kent and Anne Burstein
Burstein@Prodigy.net
Response:
Check out the top of our FAQ for the exact DoD...and info about military adoptions.
Baby Girl Due
Help The Children has a baby girl due to be born about mid-October in Mexico. The mother has had good prenatal care. Sonogram shows a normally developing girl. Family must have a completed international homestudy and have at least started the INS work. Lois ****************************************************************** Lois E Paul, Executive Director Voice (209) 478-5585 Help The Children FAX (209) 478-5586 1350 W Robinhood Dr Ste2 TDD/TTY (209) 478-5685 Stockton California 95207-5512 E-Mail htc1@inreach.com HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html
Just Starting
Love your site! You folks did a fabulous job puting it together. A little about us:
My husband and I, married for eight year have not yet conceived. We have not aggressively tried; however, hit or miss in that time it is likely we would have if it were possible.
We have been the road to adoption. Being an adpotee, myself, my husband and agreed a long time ago that we would adopt a child whether or not we conceived our own. We are located in North Las Vegas, NV. Any direction you can offer would be appreciated. After prelimary inquires, local services seem somewhat limited.
Janice
JSclueless@aol.com
Response:
Hi Janice and thanks for your message...I am forwarding it on to our expert at beginning adoption. In the meantime, I would direct you to the our FAQ on getting started. There you will find info about getting started and different kinds of adoptions. When you decide what kind of adoption you want,...either special needs, open, domestic, international, then you can begin to think about agencies... Check out the state by state resources available. You can click on your state and see what's there, but many other agencies and attorneys will work with anyone from across the country.
Good luck!
international adoption
I have a friend who is interested in adopting an infant from Brazil. Is there any important information she needs to know or any special place she can contact for help?.
PStillitan@aol.com
Response:
Check out the Dept of State's site with information about Brazil
Latvian Adoption
My husband & I are in the process of adopting an infant from Latvia. As this is a new program for the adoption agency with which we are dealing, we are unable to get straight answers from them regarding length of time from approval in Latvia to court date. We started the process in June of 1996 and were referred an infant in March of 1997. Since then, we have been very frustrated to hear of one delay after another. Do you know roughly how long it takes for us to get a court date in Latvia? We are apparently "on the list" in the court system, but noone seems able to tell us how long this could take. Would appreciate any feedback you might have. Many thanks.
ahayman@arco.mail.com
Response:
Check out the Dept of State's site with information about Latvia
Requesting Information.
I am very interested in International Adoption. I am a single, 25 year old woman. I am also a Spanish teacher. I believe i would have a lot to offer a hispanic child. If there is any information that you could send me, I would appreciate it very much. Thank you, Marcie Sidie
Msidie@aol.com
Response:
For international adoption, check out the following:
International Adoption: How to get started
Resources/Agencies and Attorneys who can help you
Requirements for more than 50 Countries
How to Get Started
Home Study
National Council for Single Adoptive Parents
Personal Adoption Stories by Single Moms:
Adoption by a Single Mom
Choices: A Single Mom Speaks Out
Adopting within our family
My husband and I have been given the greatest opportunity in the world, to adopt twin boys. This is a big thing for my husband because the birthmother is his twin sister. I have two sons from a previous marriage, and for the last 10 years he has helped me raise them. Our oldest will be starting college this year, and our youngest, born with Cerebral Palsey just adores him. I cannot have any more children, and my husband has been complaining about his biological clock. I guess with all this my question is: How do we handle this legally? We want to keep all costs down and also keep this simple. All responses welcomed
Evie
Response:
Hi and thanks for your message. Congratulations!! ....in any event, you need a homestudy done...this can usually be done by a social worker or by a licensed agency....sometimes the cheapest way to go is to do an "identified adoption"...where the agency will do the home study and all the paperwork...sometimes it's cheaper to do an independent adoption. Are you and the birthmother in the same state? Does the birth father agree to the adoption? let me know and I can tell you better. Please let us know your email address.
Announcement:
Pat Johnston Coming to SF Bay Area
Pact, An Adoption Alliance would like to invite you all to attend ?Launching A Baby's A d o p t i on,? a rare day of training for parents, parents-to-be, & professionals, withPatricia Irwin Johnston, author of Adopting After Infertility, Launching a Baby's Adoption, and other great books. The event will be held in Oakland, California on Sept. 13, l997. Agenda highlights include
?Nine months more or less?: How to get ready after deciding to adopt and what to expect in your first year with your baby. Preparing for practical, social, and emotional transitions and your own psychological pregnancy to give your baby the best possible start in your family; ?Arrival:? privacy vs. well wishers, practical advise for transition, attachment, and adoption loss issues; and ?The Early Months:? post-arrival blues, partnership issues, settling in, and more. Patricia Irwin Johnston is a nationally-known speaker and trainer. She has served on the national boards of AFA and Resolve and is herself an adoptive mom in a multiracial family who is married to a man who was adopted as a baby. Pat is living the subjects she talks about. Call 415-221-6957 or e-mail your mailing address for a detailed brochure.
International Adoption Questions
Hi,
I have read your online articles and information on adoption, they are a great source of info..........Thanks. I have a question that I am hoping you can answer or direct me to someone who can. My wife and I are 35 and childless. We are going t be moving to Thailand for two years on business and will establish residency in 1998. We want to adopt one or two baby girls while we are over there and bring them back to the states in 1999. What do we need to do here in the US before we go (we are leaving in december) so we can bring them back legally? What do we do there? Thanks for your help,
Randy & Shery Gast
RANDYGAST6@aol.com
Response:
Check with Georgia and Luke Leonard from The Family Network at geofamnet@aol.com.
Anyone else with info, please email us and we'll post.
Adopting Older Children
I just discovered your wonderful site. Thanks so much for making it available. I had always been comfortable with the idea of adopting long before I knew that I would not (apparently) be able to bear children on my own. Now that I have started exploring in more detail I realize I may have been quite naive. I am very open to adopting older children and/or siblings but now I'm worried about the risks. Please refer me to the best resource you know about the related issues. I couldn't get into the link on "attachment". Thanks again for being there.
Response:
Thanks so much for your message...Yes, I know what you mean, but it is better to be informed of all the risks so you can get into an adoption which will work for you...People also think that having their own children is "risk-free" but having been through years of infertility/adoption, I know that no addition to your family is risk free and it is better to know what you are dealing with....we got into a situation of adopting a child with major learning disabilities and other problems...quite by accident, so there are no guarantees...no matter which way you go...Having said that, I will add...adoption has added richness and joy to our lives which we would otherwise not had... Your best source of information for adopting older children is your local county adoption agency....Check out our site of state by state resources and see if your state has a site up yet...if not, check in your phone directory under the government pages, usually there is a Dept of child and family or department of social services or dept of human services...and give them a call.
New Update from Fractal Mom 8-22-97
Home Study
We are now going through the terrible process of explaining to INS why my husbands old DUI wasn't reported to our social worker. Our adoption agency maintains that it was a misunderstanding, and they would not tell us not to bring it up. We will probably be disqualified from adopting because of this, and loose all the money we borrowed, and never have a child of our own. PLEASE.. no matter what your agency tells you, always check with your social worker first!! -SO SORRY
WOOLF_S@a1.cps.k12.tn.us
attachment disorder
I have recently begun using the internet as a tool to help me to help my son. We adopted him seven years ago and have had frustrations and tears ever since. We love our son very much and would like to help him but don't know how. His troubles range from lying (constantly), stealing, low self-esteem, etc. A specialist has suggested that due to the age of our son when he was adopted we may be dealing with "attachment disorder" and its implications. I have read a bit about it now and know the basics of how it works, but need more info. I would LOVE to meet any parents who have adopted and who are having trouble with their adopted child (or who had troubles and solved the problems). Also, if anyone out there has any information on "attachment disorder" I would like to hear from you. The situation is getting rather serious and we are quite worried about the well-being of our son.
wendy_h@mars.ark.com
Response:
Check out the Attachment Center and also our support pages.
FractalMom@aol.com
shares her diary...ongoing story of adoption of large sibling group. We will keep you updated on developments as they occur. With SIX you get eggroll on your face
Korean Adoption
Our family is in the process of adopting a child from Korea. We had been advised of the plane's arrival-date, time and place. Upon driving 6 hours, we found out that our child was not on board the plane. Now, two days later, we find he has been hospitalized with a bacterial infection. I am wondering if there are other families out there that have faced similiar circumstances. If so, are these infections common, are they honest with the seriousness, and are there long term problems that the parents have encompassed? We have waiting 4 months for this child, with many "bumps" along the way, and after losing a child of our own 18 mos ago, we are very cautious and nervous of the future. Your help and support is appreciated.
KMC41K@aol.com
Homestudy Question
I have some concerns regarding the home study required for approval to be an adoptive parent. Here is our situation. I am diabetic (under control with diet and oral medication), and am taking antidepressants. I am also over 100 lbs overweight. I was hospitalized 10 years ago with clinical depression but after being placed on medication, I am very stabe and funtion like normal. My husband has switched jobs several (more than 5) times in the last two years but before that was employeed at the same place for 15 years. After trying to conceive for 5 years, we have not. We have not undergone any testing to determine the reason for this. I attribute it to my diabetes and my weight. Here are the questions: If an agency requires the adoptive parents to be infertile...do we qualify? Considering my medical problems...we we be turned down? How will my husband's employment history effect our chances? AND LAST QUESTION...How long do you think it will take to adopt a child under 1 year of age from a public agency...how about a private agency? Thank you so much for your service.
Stp8391@AOL.com
Response:
Check Expert Forum for Answer
Cost of Adopting
How much does it cost to adopt a newborn baby?
MonicaandTracey@webtv.net
Response:
The cost can vary from $5,000-$30,000 depending on the method used, whether it is domestic or international, and whether or not there are any complications. Check out the varying methods at http://www.adopting.org/start.html I'm 29 and battling infertility.
We begin IVF in October, and I just found this on the HOPE IVF message boards. It is about adoption and it brought tears to my eyes. I don't know if this is where I should put it, but I wanted to share it with others because I think it is beautiful. I don't know who wrote it, but I'm sure they want it passed along!
DIFFERENT TRIPS TO THE SAME PLACE
When you decide you want to have a baby, it's like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks, and you feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered during the trip. So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but still anticipating a wonderful trip you wait...and wait... and wait. Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a fllight soon!" Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!" After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should go by boat." "By BOAT?!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money! And I really had my heart set on going by plane!" So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and you finally decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will EVER see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three or more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with other people who also traveled by sea rather than air. Other people continue to fly to Australia as often as they'd like, but you are abe to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some people still say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy!"
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still you know God has blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.
Looking forward to seeing Australia soon!
Terri
Absgrapfrt@aol.com
what are the statistics on successful and failed special needs adoptions?
Dr. Juanita C. Ainsley, Psy.D.
ainsl@win.bright.net
Response:
The best source of statistics is the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse. You can email them at naic@calib.com
Adoption Ceremony
I am searching for a pre adopt ceremony to acknowledge the link between the birth parent and adoptive parent; the transfer of care from one parent to another parent.
DLocke3608@aol.com
Response:
Check out our new expert forum at http://www.adopting.org/expertinf.html for your answer from Pat Johnston.
Guatemala
I am trying to decide on both a country and agency from which to adopt. I have a great deal of informaion on Russia and some internet resources, however, I am seriously considering adopting from Guatemala. Do you know of any web sites which have specific forums available to talk to parents who have adopted from Guat. Also, what information do you have on the rate of fetal alcohol syndrome in infants/children coming from Russia? How have the children responded to being in an orhanage during their early years. Please respond to me personally at my e-mail address. Thank you very much. juliec@snet.net
soon to be adoptive parents
My husband and I are in the proccess of adopting we are going to be attending classses soon that are required by the state to do before being placed w/ a child. We were just wondering if anyone could give us some advice words of wisdom ect. We are understood that since we are going through public children services that we will probably be placed w/ an older child around the age of 7 or8. Or we may even be placed w/ a sibbling group which could mean getting younger childeren. The age isn't a problem I was just wondering if just because the child is older does that mean that there won't ever be a bond betwen them and my husband and I. If someone could give my some info or where to find it or even talk to us if there is someone out there who was adopted when they were older we would glady appreciate it alot Thakns for your time. Adam and angela A77K@aol.com
Response:
Bonding can be a problem, depending on the child, but saying that a child cannot bond because he is older is not accurate. Check for some of the problems which you might experience at http://www.adopting.org/support.html near the bottom of the page.
benefits for adoptive parents
About to adopt and I have found my company provides no time off benefits for adoptive parents. What are other companies doing in the Chicago area? Do you have any information?
Dor51@aol.com
Response:
Check out the following
http://www.adopting.org/employer.html
Also, you might contact the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse for more information (naic@calib.com).
children book
I'll like to know were I can find articles or books about how to write the first booke of our adopted child. I mean that we know how it is important that our child will have book of his birth. How father and mother adopted him all the story. I'll like to find literture about it.
orab@most.co.il
Can anyone help this? Please email us.
Response:
Contact Tapestry Books at http://www.tapestrybooks.com
u.s. adoptions of Brazil
I am interested in getting all the information I can about U.S. organizations that facilitate adoptions of brazilian children. I have heard there is one agency in Pennsylvania called Liminar or Luminar. Do you know if there is such an organization? Are there others? Please send me more information or point me to some Internet sites. Thank you.
anne_woodworth@thompson.com
Stuffed animals for internationally adopted children
Q. Why are stuffed toys bad for children adopted internationally???
I have heard from several sources that internationally adopted children should not be given stuffed toys (stuffed animals, etc.). My questions is: "Why?". This does not seem to be a recomendation for children adopted from the USA, so why should this be a problem/concern for children addopted from other countries.
To be a little more specific, I understand this to be a recommendation made to US families seeking to adopt internationally. I don't know if it is a recommendation made by countries other than the USA.
Leo
DHRJ55A@Prodigy.com
Response:
Any one know about this? Please email us.
From Lois Paul of Help the Children
I honestly can say I've never heard of not giving internationally adopted kids stuffed animals. I can't even begin to imagine why not. Every child needs a 'cuddly' for security. I would just make sure the toy is safe for the age (or at least developmental level) of the child regardless of how that child came into the family. Sorry I can't shed more light on this question and would be interested in learning where you heard this.
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