ADOPT: SUPPORT FORUM

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FAQAnswers to frequently asked questions.

Breast Feeding
I would like to hear from adoptive parents who've had the experience of their birth mother breast feeding while in the hospital. E-mail me at rkleck@firstam.com. Thank you.

Evaluating Developmental Delays in Romanian Adoptees
I am a special educator who assesses preschool children in order to find out if they have delays that qualify them for special education services. I am trying to find information on delineating between cultural/language related delays and actual developmental delays in Romanian children. Federal law stipulates that special education services cannot be provided to children when delays are the result of environment or culture. How does one qualify a Romanian child with developmental delays for special education services? e-mail: granniebh@aol.com

Meeting birthparents for the first time
Can you point me in the right direction to information regarding meeting birth parents for the first time. We are going through an agency so the birth parents have selected us and seen our pictures and birth parent letter. How do we get started in this meeting and what should we look out for?
dtwhiteman@mindspring.com

Response:
Actually, that is the only article I have seen on the subject....but, some of the main things you want to discuss are:
1. Make sure she has the support of everyone, including her parents, for this adoption....otherwise, you are asking for trouble....
2. It is better if she has *definite* plans for the future.
3. Discuss what kinds of contact, if any, you both want in the future...pictures, how often, etc.
3. What kind of parenting she had and/or wishes for the child
4. Does she have a support group/system/counseling for the inevitable grief which follows relinquishment.... and of course, the obvious questions of family history, medical history...
It would be good for you to bring lots of pictures of your families and activities....
Last bit of advice....if you don't *love* the birthmother, don't go through with it....her child will probably be alot like her...no matter what you think about the importance of environment, there's a lot that people don't realize that is actually genetic (inborn).

A Question re: International Adoptions
I am writing to you from the F.O.R. Sto-Rox Library in McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania. One of our patrons has asked us for information regarding international adoptions. Specifically, this patron has heard or read somewhere about a physician or child psychologist who has made significant headway recently in offsetting the detrimental effects of a deprived early childhood environment, particularly in children adopted from former Iron Curtain countries. This patron believes that the person was interviewed or profiled on a network newsmagazine on television, or on one of the regular network news shows. Unfortunately, I have been unable to find any listing on the network websites or TV listings for a program on this topic.

I was hoping that your agency might be able to provide us with some clue either as to the identity of the specialist whose work was highlighted, or as to the program that highlighted it. If you can help, please e-mail me at this address (derica@aol.com) or at (anderson3@clpgh.org); or else fax the information to the number below.

Thank you for your help.

D. Eric Anderson, Director F.O.R. Sto-Rox Library 500 Chartiers Avenue McKees Rocks, PA 15136 412/771-1222 FAX: 412/771-2340

Response:
There was a show on Turning Point last year which featured several resources which have been effective. Check out these resources at http://www.adopting.org/supportc.html..... The answer to the third question down has a list of resources which should point you in the right direction.

Vietnam Adoptions in Last Year?
Has anyone had any experience with a Vietnamese adoption within the past year? Especially parents living in New York.
IDEE4@worldnet.att.net

Adoption abroad
Hello, I am looking into adopting a child from China. Could you please tell me what to expect in terms of legal procedures? Do I need a lawyer or should the agency provide one? Could you refer me to an agency that deals with adoptions abroad in China?
gary13@texas.net

Response:
You don't mention which state you are from but I am guess by your email address, it is Texas. There are several places you can check...On our main index page, check under "international adoptions." See the articles there as well as the State Department information. There are also agencies listed there to help you.

adoption information
My fiancee currently has state provided cusotdy for her nephew. We will be married in July of 1998 and are considering adopting him. Could you let me know where to go for information concerning adopting a relative as well as forums to speak with people who may have already been in tis situation. thank you.
rjgoss1@aol.com

Response:
The laws vary from state to state...it would be best to contact your state office...and talk to the social worker who is in charge of the case.

Adoption of Toddler Twins
My husband and I are in the process of adopting 15-month old twin girls, our first children.. We initially saw them when they were 6 months old but only recently the birthmother has decided to place them with us. They have been in a stable and loving home with the birthmother's brother and his wife since they were 6 days old. We plan to continue the relationship with their aunt and uncle but distance between our homes will inhibit frequent visits. Our questions concern the transition to our home. I am planning on spending time with them in their current environment for a period of time and then their aunt will spend time with us in our home. During this period of time, I will assume more of the caretaker role as their aunt assumes less. Is this the best way to approach it? Also, how long should we wait until the children see their aunt and uncle again or hear them on the telephone? When they were 6 months old, we were considering changing their names but now we're not sure if it's a good idea. We thought about keeping their given names as middle names and calling them a combination of both until they are used to their new name. Any suggestions would be reatly appreciated.
schwartz@infocom.com

first snub for racial reason
I always thought it would be from a white person, but it wasn't. When I adopted Joey I wasn't trying to make any statement, I was just trying to have some children. When they showed us his picture from Brazil we instantly said OK. We did't care if he was black or white, we wanted him. We get stared at a lot and I have become a little more careful where we go with Joe. Some of my old friends just faded away, I think it was to much for them to handle. Well any way The first outright snub came from a black women who found it ok to have Joey visit until she got a look at us, then she suddenly found that she was to busy that day to have Joe over to play with her daughter. Ever since then she has had an excuse every time, until we stopped asking. Have any other parents felt this? Am I over sensitive? I know this letter is a little disjointed, but I would really like some feedback from anyone who can shed some light on this matter You can reach me at Bil real@aol.com
Edreal@aol.com

Check our Expert Forum for one answer.

Request for Contact
We currently have two biological children and have always planned to have a third child. But we recently began to consider international adoption for our third child. I have not been able to find any information at all on families in our situation. We have many questions and are hoping we can find families that have done this. We would appreciate any help you could give us.
S. Allen
Yardsmith@aol.com

private adoption
how do we go about private adoption and how much and what are the risks?
cawlishaw@inetdirect.com

Response:
Check out our articles on getting started, and on home studies...then check the resources on our adoption assistance page. Also, check out the networking article about finding a baby and our waiting parents section. As with any adoption, there are always risks...the most common is that not every lead or possible adoption will go necessarily go through and sometimes, birth mothers do change their minds and reclaim their babies, but this is not as common as some would have you believe.

Can i adopt from South Africa...

CECELIA
Franklyn@iafrica.com

Response:
First, you don't mention where *you* are. I have not been able to find any specifically South Africa...only what follows... If anyone knows, please let us know.
Americans for African Adoption.....http://www.cyberspacepr.com/outreach2.html
African Cradle (Ethiopia)... http://www.adopting.com/aci/
American for International Aid and Adoption... http://www.widesmiles.org/aiaa/index.html

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