Support Forum for Adoptees/Birthparents/Birthmother
Recent General Support Questions
September 1997
Do I have the Right to find my brother?
My mother does not want to find my brother for the fear of rejection. I on the other hand, dream of meeting him and wonder every day what he looks like. My mother said she gave him up for me , my sister, and for his sake. (She was a heavy drinker and we were very poor) My sister and I have turned out wonderful dispite the odds. I own my own home at 21 and attend college. My point is that I don't know if I will ever find my brother because of my mother not wanting to. Is this true, don't I have any rights?? I know I won't be able to right now he is only 14 years old, but when he turns 18???
altiff@gte.net
Wanting Contact
I placed my son for adoption almost 4 years ago, and I kind of feel like I'm in-between phases, so I hope this question ends up in the right place. Mostly, I'd just like to communicate with others that are in or have been in my situation. How do you incorporate the pictures and letters you receive into your child's life? How do you explain to the child you're parenting about the child you placed for adoption? How do you tell the parents of your adopted child about your pregnancy and new family? I know that I am not the only one to pull my life together, find a wonderful husband, and start my family after an adoption. Hearing from those people like me would be really helpful. Thank you.
Jennifer
hogenkamps@juno.com
adoption
I am a mother of 4, 2 girls and 2 stepsons back when I was 18 I placed a little girl up for adoption I went though my Church and know she has a good home. I do not know the parents. I made the right choose I could not proved the things that child needed at the time. I'm still not wealthy but I do have a husband that love me and I love him. The children we have see our love and I know now that is the most important thing you can give a child. I think about the child I adopted out alot. Many time I would love to see her and add her to our family. I would love to know how she is doing. She is only 9 years old and I do not know if her parents have even told her she is adopted or if she even cares. I will wait and hope she want to find me someday. I can not get her back and not going to try just pray that someday when she is older she wants to find me I do miss her.
slridgley@nidlink.com
Birth mother seeking support
suzybob@earthlink.net
BECOMING FAMILIAR WITH SUPPORT FORUM
I AM A 41-YEAR OLD FEMALE ADOPTEE THAT HAS RECENTLY OBTAINED LEGAL REPRESENTATION TO FILE MOTION TO HAVE MY ADOPTION RECORDS UNSEALED. IN ARKANSAS, YOU MUST SHOW JUST CAUSE (MEDICAL REASONS) TO HAVE THESE RECORDS OPENED. DOES THIS FORUM PROVIDE THE VEHICLE THROUGH WHICH ADOPTEES CAN SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES?
MAHAGANY56@AOL.COM
Going slow with Reunion
I have just recently spoken to birth father,I would like to take it slow and really hope that we are able to build a meaningful relationship. I love my adoptive parents with all of my heart. My question to you is: How can I go about this without hurting any of the memebers of my extended family? I am afraid that my adoptive father may think I am trying to replace me,and I would be crused if he believed that. I haven't told him yet. Should I?
Lady938847@aol.com
Reunion problem
I AM AN ADOPTEE AND WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO HAVE MY YOUNGER BROTHER, WHO WAS ADOPTED, FIND ME. HE HAD ALREADY BEEN IN CONTACT WITH OUR BIRTHMOTHER AND 2 OLDER BROTHERS. SO THE INFORMATION WAS EASILY AT HAND. IT TOOK ME 5 MONTHS TO GET THE COURAGE UP TO WRITE TO MY BIRTHMOTHER AND WE WERE REUNITED A LITTLE OVER A YEAR AGO. MY 2 OLDER BROTHERS AND I WERE ALSO REUNITED SHORTLY AFTER. THROUGH ALL THIS, I REALIZED THAT I HAD KNEW THIS WOMAN ALL OF MY LIFE AND MY BROTHERS AND THEY KNEW ABOUT ME. THE DAY I MET MY BIRTHMOTHER, SHE EXPLAINED MY STORY TO ME. I WAS NEVER TO BE ADOPTED!! SHE WAS UNABLE TO TAKE CARE OF ME AND PUT ME INTO COUNTY FOSTER CARE (MY ADOPTED PARENTS). AT 3 YEARS OLD I WAS ADOPTED AS SHE PUTS ILLEGALLY. APPARENTLY, MY BIRTHFATHER WAS LITERALLY GIVEN MONEY TO SIGN ME AWAY BY MY ADOPTED PARENTS ATTORNEY. MY BIRTHMOTHER, LIMITED IN WHAT SHE COULD DO, KEPT COMING TO THE HOUSE DEMANDING HER BABY BACK. BUT THAT'S AS FAR AS THE STORY GOES. WHEN I CHECKED WITH ADOPTION SERVICES ON INFORMATION, IT STATES MY MOTHER DID NOT SIGN ANY PAPERS AND THERE IS NO INFORMATION ABOUT MY BIRTHFATHER. MY ADOPTIVE PARENTS WILL NOT TELL ME ANYTHING AND ARE VERY EVASIVE. THE ONLY THINGS I CAN EVEN REMEMBER ABOUT MY ADOPTIVE PARENTS TALKING ABOUT MY ADOPTION WAS, MY MOTHER WAS NO GOOD, SHE DID NOT WANT ME AND I WAS TO NEVER EVER SEARCH FOR HER. NEEDLESS TO SAY IT IS VERY CONFUSING. I AM 36 YEARS OLD AND THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND. MY BIRTHMOTHER HAS BEGGED ME NOT TO CONTACT MY BIRTHFATHER STATING HE IS NO GOOD. BUT NOW A YEAR OR SO LATER, MY BIRTHMOTHER WAS IN CONSTANT ONCE A WEEK CONTACT AND NOW I'M LUCKY TO HEAR FROM HER ONCE A MONTH AND THAT'S ONLY WHEN I CALL HER. I AM CONCERNED FOR HER, THAT MAYBE THIS WAS TOO MUCH FOR HER. WE LIVE BASICALLY IN THE SAME AREA AND IT IS A VERY SMALL TOWN WITH BIG MOUTHS IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. BUT I WANT TO KNOW MY BIRTHMOTHER SO BADLY. SHOULD I EXPRESS MY CONCERNS TO HER? I KNOW THIS CANNOT BE EASY FOR HER. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! MY 2 OLDER BROTHERS THAT WERE RAISED BY MY BIRTHMOTHER ARE EVASIVE ALSO. THEY SAID THEY WANTED TO BE CLOSE BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I DON'T HEAR FROM THEN AT ALL. MY YOUNGER BROTHER, WHO FOUND ME, SAID THEY DID THE SAME THING WITH HIM. ALL THOUGH HE CHOSE NOT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR BIRTHMOTHER. (HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ADOPTED). MY BIRTH FAMILY WAS NOT A HAPPY FAMILY GROWING UP. IT SEEMS MY BIRTHMOTHER WAS MARRIED 4 TIMES AND HAS HAD 5 CHILDREN. (THE 3 YOUNGER ENDED UP BEING ADOPTED OUT, INCLUDING ME) . ALL 5 OF US HAVE DIFFERENT FATHERS. WE RANGE IN AGES OF 47 TO 30. ONE ADOPTED BROTHER IS STILL MISSING AND OUR BIRTHMOTHER DOESN'T SEEM TO WANT TO FIND HIM. BUT SHE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE I WAS AND EVEN WENT TO THE SAME CHURCH I DID GROWING UP!! THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME RIVALRY BETWEEN THE 2 OLDER BROTHERS BUT MY YOUNGER BROTHER AND I ARE VERY CLOSE. I AM VERY HAPPY KNOWING MY BIRTHMOTHER AND FAMILY AND ALL THE ANSWERS TO MY QUESTIONS GROWING UP.(I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT NATIONALITY I WAS). I FEEL AN EXTREME BOND BETWEEN ONE OLDER BROTHER AND MY BIRTHMOTHER BUT I FEEL AS IF I'M BEING PUSHED AWAY. SHOULD I GIVE THEM SPACE? I FEEL THEY WON'T CONTACT ME ANYMORE, LIKE THEY DID MY LITTLE BROTHER. MY ADOPTIVE PARENTS AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN CLOSE SO I FEEL MAYBE I AM PUTTING TOO MUCH OF BURDEN ON DEVELOPING A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BIRTHFAMILY.
kreole@thegrid.com
1987 Adoption
I gave a child up for adoption in 1987. How do I fimd out any information when she is of legal age.. I was also never told that i had the oppertunity to change my mind berfor 6 months old. I tried to change my mind tne next day and was told it was too late. Is there anything I can do about that. Also is Brevard county Florida have an open file Law.
car54@warwick.net
Adoptees location the birthfather
I don't know where to go on in this situation. But my boyfriend, has just found out that he has a daughter that is 32 year old, that he never knew he had. Ever since Thursday the women has consume our lives. She calls all day and they talk at least five hours at a time . My boyfriend, is overwhelm by her, because he doesn't want to dissappoint her. Because she is moving too fast, too much, and the feeling of beng intruded upon him. He feels smothered, but he just doesn't want to hurt her feeling. Now she is coming here Saturday until Tuesday, and coming back on the 15th of September again. Also now she wants him take time off and go where she is and see her life. I just think it just to much to fast to soon. But I just don't know what to do? Or where to go? I feel that it just to much. Yes, I am to meet her but...I feel that he needs to let her know that he has a life and that she is very much welcome, but let slow down some. Plus he needs to balance the time for her and me too. Please help me if you can. I have been trying to be understanding but it is getting to me.
GCarson495@aol.com
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