Adoption and Infertility Support

Currently 0/5 Stars.

You may use the stars on the left to rate and leave feedback for the current article. No registration is required. Waiting for 5 votes

Please note, this page is no longer being maintained and may contain old or inaccurate information. Visit the home page or select a category in the navigation for more up-to-date information.

Introduction, and How to Start Searching

(by Jeff Hartung)

The following will give readers a good idea about how to get searted once one has made the decision to search for one's birthparents. Although the information is primarily directed at adoptees, much of it will also apply to birthparents searching for a relinquished child. The information is only an overview. There are several good books out that can give detailed information on other techniques not mentioned below. Two I highly recommend are:
Search: A Handbook for Adoptees and Birthparents_ by Jayne Askin c. 1992
The Adoption Searchbook: Techniques for Tracing People_ by Mary Jo Rillera, c. 1991 (?)

Searching for your birthfamily is alot like doing any kind of genealogical research. In fact, that's what you are doing. Really. Convince yourself of that, since many places are able to understand genealogical research as important and relevant, and will consequently share information with you under such circumstances. On the other hand, if you state that you are an adoptee looking for your birthmother, the taboo against such curiosity will hit you in the face. Therefore, in all your contacts where you need to state why you need information (eg, state vital statistics registries, etc.) say that you are doing *genealogical research*. Also, *never* say that you are adopted.

(Yes, I know this makes you feel deceptive and sneaky and it's not right and I sympathize entirely, but if you convince yourself that you are doing something legitimate and call it something others will recognize as legit., you'll get better results and feel better about it yourself. If you feel the need to be a political activist for adoptee rights, keep this separate from your search activities.)

OK, now for where to start.

FIRST, you should write down everything you know about yourself. OK, maybe that's a tall order. Lets limit that to everything you know about your birth, relinquishment, placement, and adoption. A partial list of the questions you should be asking are:
- Where were you born? (state, city)
- What hospital?
- Who was the attending physician?
- What was the name of the agency/lawyer who handled the placement?
- In what court was the adoption handled?
- When was the placement (date)?
- When did the adoption become final?
- What was your name at birth?

Also include any information you have about your birthparents. Usually, such information is given to adopting parents as "Non-identifying Backgrond Information." It may hold some clues, such as ages of family members including the birthparents and other relatives, deaths in the family (e.g., maternal grandfather died in 1959), medical information, region in which the birthparents lived at the time, occupations, military service, etc. These things may not seem important at first, but together they may point you strongly in a particular direction.

Many of the above questions may not be answerable at the time, but don't worry about that for now. As you gather information, some of these blank places will get filled in. I did not know the name of the hospital, my birth name, or the doctor's name when I started, but was able to fill in all these within a couple of weeks.

SECOND, gather documentation on everything you can. Some of the important documents you will be able to get are:
- Your ammended birth certificate
- Your petition to adopt (from the court)
- Your final decree of adoption (from the court)
- Your hospital birth records
- A sheet with "nonidentifying" information. (from the agency or lawyer)

THIRD, figure out what information you still need. These will probably include your birthparents' names, addresses (at birth), and birthdates, and social security numbers. It will also include the names and ages of relatives. What you are trying to do first is to figure out where your birthparents were living, what they did for a living, and what their ages were when you were born. From there it is a matter of locating a known living person from a point in time where you know who and where they were.

FOURTH, file a *waiver of confidentiality* at the adoption agency, hospital of your birth, and state adoption bureau. Many states can/will release information when a waiver is signed by adoptees an birthparent(s). Some will even search for the birthparent to request that contact be arranged (e.g., Hawaii, Pennsylvania, others.) However, make sure that you get all the information you may need from such facilities BEFORE you file the waiver, as it will tip them off that you are looking for your birthparents. Also make sure that you take the opportunity to update your record with your present name, address, and phone number in case someone comes searching for YOU.

FIFTH, if possible, go to the adoption agency itself, and tell them you want information about your birthfamily. In this case, you obviously won't be able to hide the fact that you are adopted and searching. Just ask everything, including , "What is my birthmother's name?" You'll probably get a flat refusal, but sometimes social workers say things like, "I'm not allowed to tell you your birthmother's name is Mary Smith." Some also say, "I'll be right back," and leave the folders with the information in their office. This is very rare, but it happens. If it does, be grateful and keep your mouth shut about it. Others will suffer if you decide to blab, and your social worker friend will get fired. Just so you're prepared for the usual situation, though, you'll probably get some stuffy bureaucrat with everything you want to know in his/her lap tossing out scraps while you beg for information, and casually deciding on what you are or are not allowed to know about yourself. It's humiliating, frustrating, and embarassing, but almost always yields some important info. Pretend you know nothing, and act as if you believe they can tell you everything (ie, pretend you don't know you can't find out everyting you want to know). Also, if you are refused any information, ask why. Demand to know whether or not this is a matter of policy, and ask to speak to someone explaining the policy. I found out after my interview that I should have been entitled to everything except for names, birthdates, and social security numbers according to agency policy and state law. However, I was refused the name of the hospital I was born in, and precise information about where I was for the first 4 months of my life.

SIXTH, write to the vital statistics bureau in the state you were born in. Depending on the information you have, you may want to get a copy of your own ammended birth certificate, your birthmothers, -father's birth certificate, etc. You can also do a search (agin for genealogical research purposes) for marriage and death certificates of your known relatives if you have their names and/or birthdates. The more you know, the more likely you'll get results.

Also, write for your ORIGINAL birth certificate if you know your birth name. Yes, it's supposed to be sealed, but occasionally clerical errors get made and original birth certificates are sent without any questions.

SEVENTH, if you know your religion, find out if you were baptized or otherwise involved in any religious ceremonies prior to your adoption. This is especially likely if the agency that placed you was a private, religious organization. Catholic agencies in particular are known to baptize infants shortly after birth, and before the adoption. You can usually get a copy of your baptismal certificate if this is the case. Churches and other religious institutions also maintain very good records and can often be useful in other ways. Genealogists frequently use them, so they are used to sharing information with people for such purposes.

OK, now put it all together and see where the pieces are missing. This is where you have to get creative. If you still can't tell where to go from there, try some books that are out. Mary Jo Rillera has a new-ish book out on search techniques (don't know the name). Askin and Oskham's Search: a Handbook for Adoptees and Birthparents is good, albeit a little old. Check your local library for these and other titles of books that can help. Also, you might want to try joining some of the search groups (e.g., ALMA) for help. They can sometimes suggest things that you wouldn't think of yourself, and really help keep up your spirits when things move a bit too slowly.

OTHER THINGS to do include getting onto various reunion registries. One very thorough one is the International Soundex Reunion Regiesty (ISRR) in Nevada. ALMA has one of its own, but claims it doesn't maintain it unless you pay your annual dues. Most states also have one as well. Contact your state bureau of adoptions for information. Your birthparent(s) may already be registered, in which case the information is there waiting for you!

You can also try placing an ad in the personals section of major newspapers in the city where you were born every year on your birthday. Birthparents will certainly be thinking of you on that date. Also, look for ads for you in these newspapers as well. They do no good if no one ever reads them.

Finally, try not to become discouraged. You'll reach points when you think no one cares or understands. At times you may feel you'll never "find." That attitude will fulfill itself if you let it get to you. Look up some books on adoption, such as Sorosky, Baran, and Pannor's The Adoption Triangle, or David Kirk's Adoptive Kinship: A Modern Institution in Need of Reform. Reading them may keep you from going nuts, and help by reminding you that there are intelligent professionals out there that support what you are doing.

There is also a BBS in New Mexico which is dedicated to helping adoptees and birthparents find each other. It has legal information, state-by-state laws, reading lists, organizations, etc. The name of the BBS is:

KinQuest BBS (NM)
505-897-0814 8N1 14.4 baud
505-898-9215 8N1 2400 baud
Good luck,
--Jeff Hartung--
Disclaimer: My opinions only, etc., etc., BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!... InterNet - hartung@crl.ucsd.edu BITNET - hartung@ucsd UUCP - ucsd!crl.ucsd.edu!hartung

--sent by: Rosemarie Ventura ah241@freenet.carleton.ca aa742@freenet.buffalo.edu If there are any additions or suggestions as to how the FAQ should be improved, I welcome any suggestions. Please send any text you would like to see added to me at: aa742@freenet.buffalo.edu