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My husband and I were married on Valentine's Day in 1987. He was 42 and I was 20. There was quite an age difference; it mattered to some but not to us. Love is love -- no matter what.
We were married for about 4 years before we even discussed the idea of adopting. Even though we had the room for a child and wanted one more than anything, we had obstacles to get over. First, the agencies that I contacted turned us down because "he was too old and I was too young" or "we weren't married long enough", etc. I can't tell you how disappointing it was to get turned down constantly .
It wasn't until I found the name of a private attorney in the yellow pages that our luck changed! I contacted them and found out that it didn't matter how old we were, just so you had love to give! The attorney sent us the information and forms needed to begin the adoption process and for some reason we held off. It was about 1 year later the subject came up again and another call to the attorney was made. The forms found their way to our house once again and my husband and I sat at the kitchen table filling out paperwork together. We even made up a photo album filled with pictures of us and our families along with a letter to the birth mother telling her about us. This album would be shown to the birth mother (along with other albums from adoptive couples) and the birth mother would choose whom she liked.
We were informed by the attorney that the "matching process" between a birth mother and adoptive parents could take anywhere from 3 months to over a year. She also told us that the adoption could be closed or open and that decision was strictly up to the birth mother. My husband and I were hoping that our birth mother would choose an open adoption. When we explained this option to our friends and families we were thrown back 1,001 questions, "what if she changes her mind?", "what if she comes back for the baby", etc. I think we were asked every question in the book. Our answer was always the same -- "put your faith and believe in the man upstairs and he will take care of it."
Well, we submitted all the paperwork to the attorney and then waited. For me this was the hardest part! Three weeks later I received a call from our attorney saying she had a birth mother who picked us and gave me all the details - she was 6 months pregnant, good health, etc. As I sat in my chair crying, I tried dialing my husband at work to give him the good news. We were so excited! Everything was moving so fast! That night my husband and I went home and painted the baby's room. Then we went shopping!
The weekend of my husband's birthday we finally met our birth mother. We were so nervous! *Clare walked in the office and we were surprised to see how tall she was. She was only 17 years old but she was beautiful. You would have never guessed that she was 6 months pregnant. She was living with her uncle; and after several hard months of trying to decide what was best, she decided to give her baby up for adoption. We had a great meeting and everything went well.
The best part was that I was able to take Clare to her doctor's appointments and Lamaze classes. Plus we got to spend some quality time together and I got to know her real well. One day Clare called us and wanted to know if she could come stay with us (we lived about an hour apart). My husband and I didn't know what to say so we contacted our attorney and was told that it was up to us. We called Clare and said yes. She lived with us for a week, even cooked us supper sometimes! It was great having Clare with us, she was able to see where the baby room was going to be, to see how my husband and I interacted and also was able to meet our friends.
Then at about 6:00 a.m. on the morning of June 25th the phone rang. It was Clare, she started getting labor pains and had been up walking around. We told her that we were on our way. After my husband and I tried to shower, pack and race to the car we got to Clare and just looking at her I knew she was in labor. It's funny but even the shape of her stomach had changed! We headed for the hospital and at 3:11 p.m. our baby girl (with a head full of dark hair) was born. It was one of the happiest and greatest moments we ever had! My husband was present in the delivery room and was even able to cut the umbilical cord.
I think one of the hardest things we did go through was the day we left the hospital. Our birth mother went home empty handed and we went home with a precious bundle. That hit us hard.
Unfortunately about a year ago we lost contact with our birth mother but I am hoping to change that. She did have another baby girl a little while after our daughter was born, sometimes I think the whole experience was more than she had bargained for.
I love telling people about our adoption story. Every time I look into my daughter's eyes I see Clare. She is an angel from above, our angel and there is no way in this world I could ever thank her enough for the beautiful daughter she gave us. If you ask my daughter "why are you special?" she replies "because I'm adopted".
*Name changed to protect privacy
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