Victory in Tennessee!
PACER newsletter: Post Adoption Center for Education and Research is an volunteer organization providing information, support, education for adoptees and birth family in the search process and in adoption reform and advocacy in Northern California. They a PACER's newsletter is a rich resource of information, commentary, and writing for the adoption community, and one of the major benefits of membership in PACER. On this page, you'll find some recent articles to give you a flavor for its value, and guidelines for submission of articles and advertisements. [The newsletter and logo were recently redesigned by Alexandra Hart, and volunteer Denise Roessle does the page layout, and it's never looked better! As before, Jane Calbreath, our Board President, oversees and coordinates the effort. Thanks, folks! By the way... if you have some services or other goodies you'd like to donate to PACER, please contact Jane at 415/898-8938, or email: Jbreath@aol.com and let her know! Thanks!]
(Fall 1999) Newsletter Contents:
- Front Page:
New Zealand: The Rewards of Open Records - News, Announcements, and Events:
Victory in Tennessee!
- Stories, Poems, and Book Reviews:
Once Upon a Time
The Road to You
Ghost Birthfamily
Straight to the Heart
Awakening
Prior Newsletters: Winter 1998-1999
New Zealand: The Rewards of Open Records
[from Fall 1999 Newsletter]
by Betty-Ann Kelly
New Zealand has had an Adoption Act since 1881. In the postwar era, adoption has been carried out under the 1955 Adoption Act, which provided for closed stranger adoptions arranged by a government department. Private agencies were illegal and exchanges of money or goods were prohibited. Private adoption arrangements were allowed, but the government agency would make a report to the Family Court. This Act still prevails in 1999, with only minor amendments.
After seven years of lobbying, the 1985 Adult Adoption Information Act was passed, allowing adopted people to access identifying information at the age of 20. Birthmothers (and some birthfathers) can make contact with their adopted child/children at this stage, subject to the Department of Social Welfare acting as intermediaries. Both parties can place a veto, which lapses after ten years if not renewed.
Outcomes of access to information:
? The end of public debate about the legislation. Access to identifying information is now normalized as desirable and a right.
? Recognition of the redundancy of the veto. Where people encounter contact vetoes, they are generally seen as a challenge, not a deterrent. Research has shown that where people have traced others despite the veto, in most cases the found person has not objected. When the first wave of vetoes lapsed in 1996, many were not renewed.
? Popularity of the Act. Keith Griffith (New Zealand adoption researcher) estimated that in 1996, 75% of adult adoptees knew their origins. Birthparents have applied in lesser, but large, numbers.
Other contemporary issues:
? A continuing decline in adoptions; the largest number was in 1969.
? Most adoptions are now open, though there is no provision in law for this.
? The acknowledgment that adoption is for life and that access to identifying information and reunion does not ameliorate all of the losses suffered by the parties.
? The impact of greater awareness of Maori (New Zealand's indigenous people) issues and culture. Realization that adoption has been used as a tool of colonization, and that family extends beyond the nuclear unit.
? Challenges to adoption itself, which for many is an abusive institution. Demands are being made for greater use of guardianship and/or care by the child's extended family as a preferred option.
? Intercountry adoption from late 1989. New Zealanders joined the ?feeding frenzy? in Romania and then Russia, with concerted lobbying from prospective adoptive parents for intercountry adoption to be easier, and demands for the licensing of private agencies. Amidst considerable controversy, in 1997 the Intercountry Adoption Act was passed. Its full implementation is still underway.
? Calls for reform of the 1955 Act to reflect current practice, knowledge and ethical frameworks.
? Calls for a Commission of Inquiry to expose past practices.
? Calls for reform of the 1985 Act to remove the veto, lower the age of access to information, widen the parties who can access information, remove compulsory mediation by Social Welfare, and provide equal rights for birthmothers with adopted people.
? A Law Commission is currently reviewing the Act, without calling for public submissions and with a political directive not to look at intercountry adoption.
? A general election in late November 1999 may lead to a new government which is likely to be more responsive to some of these demands.
Betty-Ann Kelly is a New Zealand birthmother who relinquished twins to adoption in 1973. Her master's degree in Public Policy included a thesis considering aspects of adoption policy. Her particular interests include the role of the public and private sectors in the provision of placement and long- term support services, intercountry adoption and the power and legitimacy of different groups in the adoption community to make adoption policy. She has written about adoption and has presented at adoption conferences in New Zealand, Australia and the United States. Betty-Ann is a member of a support group in her city, and has facilitated groups for birthmothers and, with an adopted colleague, adopted women. She is involved in lobbying for change to New Zealand laws and may be reached at betty@wave.co.nz.
Victory in Tennessee!
by Betty-Ann Kelly
Almost a decade of effort by grassroots adoption reformers in Tennessee paid off on September 28, 1999, when the Tennessee Supreme Court ruled in favor of the state's 1995 law allowing adult adoptees born after 1951 access to their adoption records, including original birth certificates. The court's ruling specifically denied the claims of adoption-industry opponents, who had claimed that birthmothers received promises of confidentiality in years past which should not be broken, and that opening records would cause more pregnant women to seek abortions rather than adoption. The ruling affects some 9,000 people adopted after 1951, when Tennessee's adoption records were sealed after a baby-selling scandal. Following the ruling, the state department of children's services is beginning to process the requests of 2,070 adoptees and birthparents who have applied so far.Many applicants have been waiting since 1995, when the reform law was passed by the state legislature, only to be blocked by a federal lawsuit before it could be implemented, other than for a brief ten-day period in 1997 during which seven people received their records. The legal opposition to Tennessee's new law included two anonymous birthmothers, an adoptive parent, and Small World Ministries, a private fee-based adoption agency with connections to the religious right. National support was coordinated by the National Council for Adoption (NCFA), an adoption-industry group which has fought for years to block any openness or reform in adoption practices. At one point Rev. Pat Robertson was soliciting funds for the Tennessee opposition on his television show. Conservative forces, however, were not unanimous in their support of the opposition. The state of Tennessee vigorously defended the new law, which was found to be in accordance with the state's constitution. Support for the law was marshaled primarily by the American Adoption Congress, a national umbrella pro-reform organization, with major legal assistance donated by attorneys Fred Greenman of New York City, a reunited birthfather,Bob Tuke of Nashville, an adoptive father, and a Nashville law firm. The Tennessee Coalition for Adoption Reform, whose members had initiated and lobbied for the bill, kept the pressure on locally while the legal fight went through Federal and state courts. Tennessee's law was upheld at every stage, but the deep-pocketed opponents kept forcing the issue until last week's ruling backfired on them by setting precedent in favor of openness. While local activists are savoring their victory, the opposition has sworn that the fight is not over. The new law contains contact veto provisions, which are opposed by many adoption activists, but which local advocates felt were necessary for passage of the bill. When an adult adoptee applies for his or her records, the state agency will first contact the birthmother involved, to see if she wants contact with the adoptee. If within 90 days she files a contact veto prohibiting contact by the adoptee, the applicant will still receive the records, but will face criminal penalties if he/she breaks the veto and contacts the birthmother directly. Birthparents seeking their children, on the other hand, must apply to the state, which will contact the adoptee and ask if he/she wishes to be contacted. If not, the birthparent will not be told the adoptee's identity. The Supreme Court ruling observed that opponents in the case evidently lacked understanding of the history of adoption in the state. Those adopted before 1951 already have access to their records, as a result of a 1970s class action suit based on a major scandal. The infamous Tennessee Children's Home Society was an adoption mill run by Georgia Tann and patronized by celebrities such as Joan Crawford. Thousands of Tennessee families were affected by the corrupt practices of the TCHS, which included outright baby stealing as well as collusion with local law enforcement and courts to take children from poor families. Widespread anger at these experiences helped pave the way for the state's new law. To get on a list to receive your records or to have an adoptee contacted, without delay contact Tennessee Department of Children's Services, Post-Adoption Unit, 400 Deadrick Street, 14th Floor, Nashville, Tennessee 37248-9000. Local activists advise saying you waive confidentiality and give permission to be contacted, and ask for non-identifying information while a search is being made. Laura Ingram, a PACER board member, is a reunited birthmother who relinquished her son in Tennessee in 1967. She may be reached at Lcingram@aol.com or 510-653-4637.Once Upon a Time
A letter from one adoptive parent to other adoptive parents by Colleen Buckner Once upon a time, a birthmother crossed an imaginary bridge with her child in her arms and placed the child in our waiting arms. She entrusted us to be loving parents and to honor and cherish this child that she could not keep. When our children became adults, it was our turn to walk back across that imaginary bridge with our son or daughter to the other side, where their life began. It was our turn to trust the birthmother and birth family to be there for our adult son or daughter when they reach out to connect both of their families, adoptive and biological, through them. I always cringe when I hear an adoptive parent describe their adopted son or daughter as a ?gift? from the birthmother. A ?gift? usually means something given freely and without reservation. The majority of adopted babies were ?entrusted? to us ? they were not a gift!We were entrusted to care for and love this child that the birthmother was not able to keep because of family and social pressure and stigma. The birthmother also loved and cherished this child that she relinquished to us, the adopting family. She was told that she was doing ?the best thing? for her child. ?Search? and ?reunion? are words that you probably never thought about when your adopted baby was placed in your arms for the first time. As your son or daughter grew and matured, did you ever think about the possibility of search and reunion? I know I didn't? until my daughter brought up the subject of looking for her birth family when she was 18 years old. I never thought about asking her if she ever considered searching for her birth family. I was the average adoptive parent? ignorant of the research by people like Nancy Verrier (as documented in her book The Primal Wound); ignorant of an adoptee's need to claim their biological heritage; ignorant of what it felt like to be relinquished, or what it felt like to relinquish a child. I only knew the joy of adoption. I knew none of the pain of relinquishment. I always thought about my daughter's birthmother throughout her growing up years. At our daughter's first birthday party, she was dressed in her lacy, pink dress with matching ruffled panties and white socks and Mary Jane shoes, and I vividly remember wishing that her birthmother could be there to share in the joy of this celebration. With each succeeding birthday, Christmas, dance recital, first day of kindergarten, first day of college, and graduation, I wished that her birthmom could be there to experience the accomplishments and celebrations of this beautiful and lovable daughter. Throughout the years, I always thought to myself ?she would be so proud of her.? As ?good? adoptive parents, we told our daughter from an early age that she was adopted. We explained that while she was not born ?in my tummy? like her older brother, she was born ?in my heart.? Since she didn't really question our explanation, we didn't ask her how she felt about that difference. In our ignorance we didn't take the conversation any further by providing a safe forum for her to discuss the ?how-comes? of a tummy versus heart birth. In retrospect, I can see that we emphasized the heart experience and didn't elaborate on the tummy experience, even though both experiences belonged to her. This was probably because we didn't know much about her birthmother except what the social workers told us at the time: that she was 19, unmarried, a college student and felt that adoption was the best option under the circumstances. At 18, when our daughter did question us about her birthmother and any information we might know, we offered to help her get information from the adoption agency. With a payment of $100 and a few months' wait, the information arrived in the mail. We all read it over and discussed it, but since there weren't any names or addresses, it didn't seem that we were any more knowledgeable about her biological heritage than we were 18 years earlier. The non-identifying information was put away, but went with her as she left to go to college and grad school. Eight years later, with her diplomas in hand and a new job secured in the city of her birth, the discussion about her birth family became a priority. Within a few months, we were able to find out her birthmother's maiden surname. We spent days in the library going through old city directories and phone books and compared the names to the current phone books. There was only one last name that matched the name we had. Our daughter called the number one evening and her birthmother answered. That was almost five years ago and now my long-standing wish for her mother to be able to share in the joys and celebrations of our daughter has finally come true. Being there to support my daughter in her search and reunion has brought us even closer as an adoptive family. When I hear that other adoptive parents are afraid of search and reunion because they fear losing their son or daughter, I am not surprised that they don't realize that it actually strengthens their relationship. I cannot imagine not supporting your son or daughter in their search and reunion anymore than I can imagine not allowing them to get their driver's license or go on that first date or leave home to attend the college of their choice. Why be afraid of more people that will love your son or daughter? Adoptive parents have one more parenting task to do for their adopted son or daughter than biological parents have. That task is to support them in their search for their birth family as a part of the process of their growing up adopted and feeling good about who they are and where they came from. Search and reunion is probably one of the most emotional experiences that adoptees will ever undertake. An adopted person needs the support and approval of their adoptive family. They need to share the experience with the only family that they have known. Provide a forum for that discussion.Bring it up in conversation. Don't wait for them to talk to you about it, for they may feel that it only hurts you to acknowledge that they have ?another family.? Being supportive of their search and reunion can be as simple as asking them to tell you about what is happening and showing your continued love and interest in their search journey. Adoptees often have abandonment issues from their original relinquishment. To feel abandoned a second time by their adoptive family just when they are trying to resolve these issues through search and reunion is an emotional hardship. To ignore or discount the importance of their biological family feels like genealogical genocide to an adoptee. If blended families are possible in families that divorce and marry new partners, then blended families are also possible in adopted families. Searching is not about adoption and it has nothing to do with the quality of adoptive family parenting.Searching is about relinquishment and the search for self. Colleen Buckner is a searcher and PACER board member. She may be reached at therighttoknow@hotmail.com.The Road To You
A poem for her birthfather byRen?e Besta Ghost of mine, vanquished through timeYour voice I do speak, your tears I shall weep
Unaware on my day, strangers swept me away
Though castoff to sea, anchored to you eternally
Still would you know me just the same?
Even with a different name? Angel of mine, precious soul yet to find
Your story contained, the love that remained
The pain in my eyes, severed strings, broken ties
Eclipsed after birth, secrets draining my worth
Relinquished to fate, truthful answers must wait
Still can you feel me through the void?
Howling, raging? evacuee enjoined. Heart of mine, quest for my kind
Your music I bring, sweet song yet to sing
Cacophony of dancing winds, horizon's light, my mother's sins
Struggling through the adoption maze, longing for you to hold my gaze
In ancient forest I remain, tangled limbs, yet untamed
Still can you sense my psychic map?
Cries to splitting bark, glistening sap. Father of mine, beloved spirit to bind
Pure alchemical light, piercing darkness of plight
Dark veil shall part, retrieving my heart
A pressed flower no more, at last roots at my door
All the life that's mine to live
The best I have, to you I give
Desert muses, stars in view, I've finally found the road to you.
Ghost Birthfamily Photo by Ren?e Besta
Ren?e Besta is an adoptee who searched and found her birthfather, Don, in 1996 without having his name; he was living 15 miles from where she grew up in southern Illinois.Ren?e works as a medical writer and public policy analyst for a nonprofit foundation, and is a published landscape photographer. She is currently serving as Acting Secretary on the PACER board. Ren?e lives with her two cats in Pt. Reyes, and may be reached at 415/663-9194 or rmbesta@earthlink.net. Straight to the Heart by Merrill Clarke Hunn and Jodene A. Clarke While I have struggled to keep up with all the legislative news relating to adoption reform in the past several months, an article in the recent American Adoption Congress Decree (1999 - Issue #2) captured my attention immediately. In 1965, I relinquished my daughter in Denver, Colorado, and here was information saying that, effective September 1, 1999, she and I can now obtain her original birth records! The law states that for adoptions finalized before that date, adult adoptees and their biological parents (as well as several others) will have access to records by ?mutual consent of the parties upon proof of identification.?According to the article, this ?small but significant change will allow birth relatives who have reunited through other means to gain access to their records without going through a court proceeding.? As a support group facilitator for several years, I have heard both adoptees and birthparents speak frequently about how meaningful it would be to have these records.I hadn't given it a lot of thought for myself, but supposed it might be important to my daughter, Jodi.I copied the article and mailed it to her, asking her to obtain details so we could make a decision about whether or not to follow through on getting her records. The following is her response.It stopped me cold and I'm sharing it because I feel that it goes straight to the heart of why adoptees should have their original records. Email from Jodene 9/24/99 (edited for length): I got your letter today and read it after I got to work. I have to tell you when I got your email about what was coming, I really didn't think too much about it.I mean, I already know who you are and everything, but I thought if this means so much to you I should do it. Today when I got the article I thought the same thing, because I really didn't have time to read it all. I read the highlighted part and figured I had a few minutes to be on hold, and I knew this really meant something to you, so I called. The lady answered right away, and DIDN'T put me on hold. I told her what I wanted and that I was in reunion for six years. She said, ?If you would like to give me your name and address, I will send you the form for you and your mother to sign in front of a notary, and then we can send you your original birth certificate.? That is when it hit me smack in the face that I need that paper as much as you do.I started to cry, and I even forgot my name for a second.I remember saying,?You mean you will give me MY birth certificate?? and she sounded surprised.?That is what you want, right???Yes, yes, that is what I want.? When you first talked about how people can't get their own records it really irked me for their sakes. It never really bugged me that I couldn't get mine (that is, since you found me).I figured why would I need it?I have all the info I want.I don't need that silly little paper to prove who my mother is.I realized how stupid the laws are that we couldn't walk hand in hand to get our papers, but why should I give it a second thought for me? I have more in my life than most adoptees.I know my mother, and I know that she loves me and thinks of me every day. I have a loving, deep bond with a very wonderful woman and a wonderful man, who has taken on the title of father (very well, I might add). I have a whole family that claims me: grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. I even have a decent relationship with my birthfather, and his wife and my siblings, who knew nothing of me until I found him. What in the world would I need that little paper for? ?Oh my God! I really was born!!? That's what I needed that little paper for. I remember looking at the copy of the certificate I had at one time. Seeing the names of Joseph and Sally as father and mother really hurt. I couldn't figure out how they could lie like that on important official papers. Now I am very excited about seeing these papers. I am very glad you found this information and shared it with me. I love you, Mom. I am anxious as well,because I know seeing these papers will be another of those painful growth experiences we each are given in the course of our reunion journey. It will, I'm sure, help the healing process and for that I'm grateful. Merrill Clarke Hunn searched for three years and found Jodene in May 1993. They have enjoyed a unique reunion, largely in part because Jodi grew up in a motherless home.Three years into their reunion, Jodi was divorced and took Merrill's family name ? a big step in claiming her roots. To reach them via email:
Merrill ? merhunn@aol.com; Jodi ? jodenec@aol.com Awakening by Roberta Ryan This piece is the result of a creative arts workshop. Roberta's assignment was to write her life story in the form of a myth or fairy tale. She was an unusual child, strange really. Brought to this earth by a wild storm. She was very fair in coloring, so light she was almost translucent. She moved quietly within the turmoil that embraced her home.It was as if she were invisible. She sat quietly and watched the world around her. Despite her young age, she had tremendous faith in a higher order. Yet the world she lived in mystified her. Within her was a deep longing for someone to really talk to. As she grew and moved into the world, she always felt the outsider.She mimicked others, trying to fit in. One day while barely a woman, she met a young man.He was as fair and quiet as she was.When he held her she felt whole.She thought she had found someone who shared her longing and understanding. But she was very wrong. She soon realized their son was growing within her. When she told him, he evaporated, never to be heard from again. She moved through her days as if sleepwalking.She felt a love and understanding with her son that filled the lack she had always felt. She was very young and knew that others would raise her son. She was completely at peace and held a deep faith that having this child was part of a larger plan. But when he was born, and carried away from her, a rage brewed inside her. Silently, she screamed for them to give her back her child.But, of course, they did not. She was confused, disoriented; voices were everywhere.What they said was so different than what she knew to be true. She felt she was falling, no longer did she have the foundation of faith that had grounded her in the turmoil of her life. Every part of her ached for her child.This, she knew, could not be right. Where she once had a deep faith, now there was only confusion and anger and fear. She could not see who was talking, but there were voices everywhere.They echoed in her mind: ?Forget him, the thread is broken, go on with your life.? In time the voices overrode her wisdom and she slipped into a trance. She moved back into her life ? believing as if they were right, acting as if she believed them. The quiet reflective child with the deep faith was nowhere in sight. She began moving to avoid feeling. She moved faster and faster, and began spinning and tumbling and running and whirling and twirling.Always moving. After many, many years, she collapsed from exhaustion.She did not know what was wrong.She had done everything that she was supposed to do to be happy. Yet when she wasn't moving she felt a deep sadness. She was now too tired to move so she had no choice but to sit and feel. Resting quietly beside the road, her hand touched the soil and it triggered a memory from her youth. She thought of a time when she helped her dear grandmother tend her roses. After a great deal of time, she raised herself up and began walking. As she walked, she was flooded with vivid memories and intense feelings. At first she was stunned but soon realized that each experience, if she let it flow through her, was giving her back a piece of herself. She felt guided by unseen friends. She gained confidence that they would help her navigate. She quickened her step, knowing she was both increasing her strength and remembering her foundation. As she came to the top of the mountain she noticed a crack in the scenery.She opened the crack and moved through it. Suddenly she was a part of the landscape instead of an outside observer.As she looked back on the path she had traveled, she saw her entire life. She understood that her sadness encased the rage she still felt. She under-stood that she had lived a lie. At that moment, she became a lion who had lost her cub.She began roaring with a primal force for all she had lost. When she finally became herself again, she sat down to rest.She now knew that the thread between them could never be broken. She also knew that he was most likely lost to her forever. She lay quietly, resigned, when she heard a faint voice, ?I am here.I knew you would one day call for me.I know you have always loved me.? Her heart burst with joy. She stood and began walking toward his voice. Quietly she said, ?What is your name??He answered, ?Bill, my name is Bill. What's yours??
Roberta Ryan is a recently reunited birthmother. She may be reached at 707-765-2083 or rryan@iscweb.com.
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