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Open adoption supporters believe many adoptees encounter these problems because they lack a heritage--what one psychiatrist referredd to as "genealogical bewilderment." Open adoption eliminates the need for adopted children to fantasize about who their birthparents are, why they have red hair, where they got their artistic talent, and most importantly, why they were placed for adoption.
The Adoptive Parents
As adoptive parents started hearing more about this new openness in adoption, some felt troubled by rules that seemed to be changing in midstream. The adoption they had thought was confidential-inviolate-was being threatened, making them feel hurt and vulnerable. They experienced a rash of emotions fear, anger, sadness, and confusion. Some parents worried about what their children would find if they located their birthmothers. Would their fantasies be better than the reality? Would their child feel rejected yet again? Would they lose their child to the birth family?
Some parents tried to talk their children out of searching and made it clear that they would offer no support. Others believed it was in the best interest of their child's mental and emotional well-being to help them gain access to the information they needed to lay the mystery of their ancestry to rest.
One adoptive mother was so concerned over her 5 year-old daughter's obsession with her birthmother that she decided to convert her closed adoption into an open one. "My daughter would go up to total strangers at shopping malls or in parks and ask, 'Are you my mother?' " she remembers. "Finally, I contacted the agency to see if we could get more information about our daughter's birthmother. They contacted the birthmother, and she was just as eager to receive information about the baby she placed for adoption. She sent a picture and letter which we shared with our daughter. We haven't met in person, yet. I don't know how I would handle that."
Supporters of open adoption see it as a way for adoptive parents to have answers to questions that will most surely be asked by their children. They point to studies that indicate that open adoption actually improves the relationship between the adoptive parents and the child. They have finally been given permission to be the parents, and they actually bond quicker with the baby, having met the birthmother," says Kathleen Silber, coauthor of the book Dear Birthmother: Thank You for Our Baby.
Another study also found that open adoption strengthens the relationship between the child and the adoptive parents, because the child knows that his adoptive parents not only accept him, but that which belongs to him.
Experiences with Open Adoption
Parnela and Mark are the adoptive parents of Joshua, age 5 They met his birthmother, a 20 year-old college student, who had selected them from a picture album at their adoption agency in a Philadelphia suburb. Pamela felt strongly that the birthmother should have a place in her child's life--that he should consider her to be a "relative," but that she should not interfere with the way he was being raised. They decided together that the birthmother would visit the child, at her home or theirs, twice a year. For the first 3 years, this arrangement worked well. Then the birthmother moved to Arizona, and the visits became more difficult to orchestrate. However, Josh and the birthmother speak on the telephone several times a year, and he regards her as a member of his extended family. "I feel the arrangement is a healthy ones," says Pamela. "I think it will eliminate a lot of the anxiety that adopted children often feel about their origin. My husband and I are considering another adoption and we would want to do it the same way."
On the other hand, open adoption has many critics. One of the strongest opponents of the practice is the Washington, DC- based National Council for Adoption (formerly the National Committee for Adoption). In its Adoption Factbook, it states that it has "long championed the importance of confidentiality in adoption."
"We have many concerns with it," says William Pierce, president of the National Council for Adoption. "We think that down the line, it will prove harmful to all those involved in the adoption circle."
Many fear that open adoption will result in coparenting, which often brings unexpected difficulties. That was the case for Kathleen and John Hickman, who once supported open adoption but later regretted their decision, saying they were not prepared for the birth family's continual involvement in their lives.
The Hickmans first looked into open adoption after years of seeing infertility specialists, followed by years of waiting with a State adoption agency, only to have a possible placement fall through because of bureaucratic bumbling. "My husband and I decided that open adoption seemed to be the way to go after that. Now we would have control and would not be in the dark as to what was going on." says Hickman.
The Hickmans registered with an agency in California that practices open adoption. They were told that the amount of contact between themselves and the birth family would rest solely with the parties involved--the birth family and the prospective adoptive family. After filling in the registration form and completing a short video biography of themselves, they waited to be selected by a birthmother. When the call did come, Mrs. Hickman was surprised to learn the meeting would not be with the birthmother, but rather with the birthmother's family. She was informed that the birthmother was in a psychiatric hospital, so her parents would be the ones making the decision.
"At first, we were somewhat relieved ,"says Mrs. Hickman. "The grandparents were closer to our age. We had, I thought, a lot more in common with them than we had with their teenage daughter." But after a few meetings with the family, Hickman began to have concerns about their desire for future contact. "The baby was biracial," says Hickman. "This was the reason they gave for not wanting to adopt the baby themselves. They were ashamed! They didn't want anyone to know that their grandchild was biracial as if, somehow, this made the baby inferior."
Still, the grandparents wanted future contact. At first they agreed to letters and photos for the first year only. As time went on, however, they began to demand visitation rights. Eventually, the baby's birth family began stopping by the Hickman's home unannounced and uninvited. "It always had to be our house--remember, they didn't want their neighbors to know," recalls Hickman. The constant interference from the birth family became too much of an emotional strain for the Hickmans and the adoption disrupted. The grandparents later decided to adopt the baby.
"I still worry that the grandparents' attitude about their biracial granddaughter will affect her as she grows ups," says Hickman, "but things just couldn't go on the way they were. The tension around our home began to take its toll on our marriage."
Kathleen and John Hickman decided not to give up and pursued open adoption again. This time they were going to stand firm in the amount of contact they wanted. Unfortunately they had another unhappy experience. This time it was not the birthmother who set the terms of future contact--it was the social worker. "She told us that the adoption had to be completely open, with the birthmother having continual contact with us, or she wouldn't let it go through," says Hickman. "None of us could believe it. I thought 'open adoption' meant that it was our decision."
Hickman has found she is not alone among people who have tried open adoption and failed. She has met many other couples in similar situations. They thought they could handle something they were not comfortable with because they had no other options.
Conclusion
It is clear that the secrecy that has been the hallmark of adoption throughout its history is giving way to a new openness. Research that will track the effects of such adoptions is underway, and some has been completed already.
One recent study of birthmothers and adoptive parents who participated in open adoption found that open adoption is often substantially beneficial for the birthmothers. They feel more comfortable having input into their children's futures.
Adoptive parents, too, are coming to believe that open adoption is a more humane way of dealing with the birth mother, according to a survey of parents who have participated in open adoption. When adoptive parents were asked about how they personally felt about open adoption, most were positive in their reaction. Some had completely open adoptions in which the birthmother actively participated in the child's life. Others remained in contact with the birthmother through letters and photos. A few of the respondents were uncomfortable with even a yearly letter. For the most part, the adoptive parents were happy with their decision, but acknowledged that they had no other options -- they wanted to adopt a healthy baby.
Most experts believe that before becoming involved in an open adoption, prospective adoptive parents should make clear how much contact they wish to have with the birthmother. All parties involved should draft a contract stating the terms of future contact. Recent court decisions have ruled that contracts of this sort are legally binding documents, so the terms need to be clearly thought out.
The jury is still out on the effect of open adoption on adopted children. Today, the first children to experience it are entering adolescence. As they move into adulthood, researchers studying them will learn more about how this new kind of adoption has impacted their lives and influenced their family relationships.
In the meantime, the definition of open adoption continues to evolve as those who participate in it fine-tune the concept to meet their changing needs. It remains a controversial issue that promises to keep challenging traditional thinking about the ideal way to adopt a child.
Wntten by Gloria Hochman and Anna Huston of the National Adoption Center, for the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, 1993. Revised, September 1994.
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