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Ode to Elian
by Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao Elian: Child as Property, not Person
Steven Spielberg and George Lucas could not have written and cast a better
mythic tale than that of Elian Gonzales.
A boy and his mother, and her partner, undertake a dangerous escape from a
country they choose to leave. They set off in the dark and mysterious ocean,
and not too far from their destination they are consumed by the sea. And the
boy--the survivor-- is tossed onto new lands. In shock, he arrives and is
accepted and taken in by his extended family...strangers.
What an opening act!!
The boy, the hero, the changeling, is a symbol for everyone of us. He
becomes a part of everyone's myth and the hope and possession of so many
people in both countries.
He is wanted by his father and his family in one country.
They want him returned as soon as possible to the only place that he has
known and that is familiar. A place where his mother still lives for him in
every place that he will walk and play. He is a child of that country and of
that family.
He is wanted by his Great Uncle and his new mother-figure, his cousin, whom he
quickly clung to as he dealt with his shock and trauma of waking up on
another planet! No one familiar. Nothing familiar. Yet this is where his
mother wanted him to be. He is a child of this country and of this family.
He was loved and cared for by all of his families from his first country -
even though the parents were separated, they both shared the care and love of
him. It is because he was so well attached there, that he quickly and
resourcefully and resiliently attached to his new found relatives and his new
found country which must be like a story book to him!
Still, the countries argue and have disdain for each other.
The families argue and have disdain for each other. And the hero, the boy,
is caught in the middle. His life is public. Pictures of him on swings, on
his way to school, playing with friends, holding hands with his cousin and
uncle are there for all of us to see how happy he is! Who sees his night
terrors and his post traumatic stress from the terrible and frightening
burial at sea and the gasping for air and for life, and the disappearance of
his Mommy. Forever. And the disappearance of anything and everything familiar.
People are forming human chains!
People are protesting in both countries!
Everyone knows what is best for the child, based on which myth fits their own
life and their own wish and hope for themselves.
But who really thinks about the boy? Not just for now, but forever.
The boy has lost enough. He has lost the most important thing in anyone's
world. The mother. He needs to gain. He needs not to lose another thing.
If we could get all of the players into one room...Clinton, Castro, Reno, the
Cuban Family, the American Family.
If we could get them all to set their egos aside.
To set their beliefs aside.
To set their differences aside and to do what is very best for this child.
They would slowly transition him , kindly and gently, and with love and
respect, back to his father. They would send his cousin/surrogate mother back
with him, to Cuba, to resettle and to attend a memorial for his lost mom.
They would allow him to be in one country for much of the year, and to visit
in the other country for his vacations and summers. He would not lose anyone
or anything else.
He would gain.
He would know that adults can be trusted to honor your past and your present.
Adults can be trusted to keep your mother alive in your heart and to keep
adding, not subtracting, so that the hero- the boy- can grow and integrate
all of the trauma and tragedy, and so that the boy could transform into a man
with love and affection for all of his families and for all of his countries.
Steven Speilberg and George Lucas would be able to right the wrongs and write
the ending so that it worked and so that we would all cry with joy at the
ending.
Will the players in this story be as wise and willing?
Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao
Founder and Director of the
Center For Family Connections
Cambridge and New York
author of The Family of Adoption, Beacon Press
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