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Letters to the future

HomePhoto Gallery | Dear Daughter ~ | My first Mother's Day | Counted Toes | About our Adoption Decisions | Angry Poetry | Our Thanks | Contact Us | Letters to the future

This is a letter I wrote to Emily before she was born, and gave it to her Adopting parents to give to her some day.

Tuesday, March 27, 2001
A letter from your Birth Mother,
It is only days now until you will be born, Your parents are waiting anxiously for that phone call so they can rush across the country and be here to welcome you into the world. You are moving around inside of me just like you have been ever since I could feel you, strong and active. I believe that you will grow to be a strong, active individual, too.

You have already thrived, despite birth control, alcohol, smoking, and recreational drugs that I would have not exposed you to had I any idea that I was carrying you. The birth control I have used for years stops the menstrual cycle, and my pregnancy tests came back negative all the way up till the end of December. You were beyond a surprise, you were almost a miracle!

I want you to know so many things. Most importantly, that you will always be the most important thing I have done in my life. I cant take credit for you, though. Bringing you into the world was not an accomplishment I achieved, I really feel it was Gods way of answering your parents prayers. In return for my part, I now know the purest, most complete love that there is, and that's the love that your parents, all four of us, feel for you. You are the most amazing thing that ever happened to me, and always will be.

There are a lot of reasons that your birth father and I had for choosing adoption instead of keeping you with us. We were unmarried, and had only been together a short time. Neither of us was emotionally or financially prepared to even come close to what we wanted for you. There was no family to give you. No Grandparents, Aunts & Uncles to grow up with. I would have had to either go on welfare or let strangers raise you in day care centers. There was no way to create a stable family home, and we could not
stand to give you any less. Your parents on the other hand, had been preparing and hoping and praying for you. They went through a lot of hard work and heartache to make their dream of your family a reality. They had made a home for you, and could be all the things that we couldn't be, all the things that we wanted for you. When I found your parents I knew that with them you would be loved, and safe, and given the childhood and life you were meant to have.

Knowing that I've done the right thing doesn't mean I can just forget now. You will always be on my mind and in my heart. I will always grieve losing the chance to be your Mom. I hope that some day I will have the privilege of knowing the person you will become, but you don't owe me that, or anything else. I will be glad to answer any questions you might have, and welcome any contact you want to have. Whatever you and your parents feel comfortable with, if anything.

I can hardly wait until you are born !

This photo was taken in the hospital, the day after Emily was born. We spent some precious time alone with her before she left the hospital, and those memories and pictures are priceless to us now.