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(Names have been changed to conceal identities)
I always wanted a little girl. Having five brothers, I had always longed for a sister. That longing unfulfilled, I hoped for a daughter. After the birth of my two sons, whom I love dearly, my husband wanted to get a vasectomy. In 1978, successful vasectomy reversals were uncommon, and I was afraid that my desire to have more children would later cause trouble between us. Joe and I finally agreed that if I really wanted another child later on, we could adopt. By 1986 we were ready for that child.
After we discussed the different adoption alternatives and we decided to enroll in the Santa Cruz County Fost-Adopt program. We went to orientation meetings, had interviews, examinations, and home visits to become licensed as foster parents and as prospective adoptive parents. During the orientations, we were asked to think deeply about what kind of child we would be willing to take into our home. Would we be willing to adopt a child with learning disabilities, heart disease, lung disease, emotional prolems, history of sexual abuse, or other equally difficult problems? The adoption process could take up to two years and the child could end up back with his or her birthparents before the adoption finalized. Were we willing to risk ourselves in this way?
Joe and I brought James and John (then 10 and 8 years old) into the decision-making process. After all, another child would require sacrifices from all of us. But the boys were excited about adopting and expressed their desire to open our family to another child.
We registered with the social services agerncy for a little girl, between the ages of 4 and 7. Only six months later, we received a call telling us that a little girl, aged 20 months was available and did we want to meet her? Only 20 months! I worried that my work schedule would not allow the time to care for a toddler, but we went to meet Jennifer anyway. It was love at first sight--ours, not hers. She was frightened of adults and would not come anywhere near us, so we kept our distance and watched. We made several more visits over the next month. On May 23, 1987 Jennifer came home to live with us. (The adoption was not final until February 15, 1990.)
The transition was not easy. Having lived in several foster homes since birth, she had not bonded with anyone. At home in the evenings, I had difficulty cooking and cleaning because she cried constantly unless held. She was afraid of everything -- baths, sand, riding toys, adults, large children, dogs, and cats. I would cook and clean with her riding on my hip. At night, I sang to her and stroked her cheek until she fell asleep. Gradually,Jennifer became more secure. The daycare center helped her learn to socialize with other children and adults, and she became secure in the knowledge that I would always come back to get her in the evening.Today, Jennifer is a cheerful, outgoing kindergartener. Although cautious, she is not afraid to try new things or meet new people. We cannot imagine our family without her, and she and I have a unique and special bond that is born of our special situation.
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