Adopting.org Discussion Forums

I am not sure how to proceed with this so any input will be greatly appreciated. I am a 33 year old married mother of 3 daughters and I would like to adopt my 5 year old nephew when my brother dies.

My brother is 39 yrs old and a serious drug addict and alcoholic. He has cirrhosis of the liver and lung cancer from years of smoking and is not going to live more than about 2 years. He has been a wonderful father to my nephew even with his hang-ups.

The little boys mother traded him to my brother for a hit when he was only 2 months old and that caused my brother to move back home. I believe she lives in Florida and I want to know if she can take him from us when my brother dies.

My parents are too old to take care of him and my sister is permanently disabled. My husband and I would love to have him live with us he's an amazing little guy and we love him to death, but I don't know if I have to legally contact the mother or if we can just adopt him.

Please anyone that can guide us in the right direction I do appreciate it. Thank You.

To legally adopt a child, both bio parent's rights need to be removed. So if his bio mom is alive then her rights need to be legally terminated before any adoption can occur. (Whether she voluntarily releases her rights or if the courts remove them)

Since your brother is alive, if it's his intention that you raise your nephew after his death, then he needs to start the proceedings for this. Has she ever paid child support? Is she clean now? Has she ever contacted your brother to see the child? If no, then there might be a better chance that your brother would be able to have the courts terminate her parental rights rather than you waiting til after his death.

Just something to think about and since there are no doubt complexities involved, I would recommend speaking to a family attorney who will be able to tell you what should be done.

I agree.
Is he in favor of you adopting him in his passing?

If so, it will be easiest for him to have the bio-moms parental rights removed now so that it is already done prior to his death.

Waiting until after his passing will prove very difficult for you to step in and get them removed yourself. Also, yes, if she chooses, she can come and take the child herself as she is the biological mother and has full parental rights at this time.

It is best thet your brother start now making the necesarry steps to make sure his son is protected in the event of his passing.

Yes he wants us to adopt him. The bio mother has never contacted him about my nephew and we don't have any idea where she is living. Last we heard she was on the streets in Florida. My brother has petioned the court to terminate her parental rights so that this will be a easier transition. He would like for us to adopt him before his death so that he has peace of mind that he will be cared for by family.

Thank you for all of your advice.

My husband and I adopted our neice when she was 1 1/2 because her mom was on 0drugs and not taking care of her. The dad had never had any contact with her but he still had legal rights to her. My sister in law signed adoption papers giving us custody. In our state if a parent has lost contact with the child you have to run a legal summons to court in the newspaper for 3 weeks stating that u are seeking adoption and if the person does not show up to the court date, the rights are relinquished. U need to contact a lawyer that can help u with ur states laws and draw up adoption papers. You need to have ur brother sign the papers now and get the process under way. The entire process took us several months - much longer than I had expected

I am in the same boat my sister in law is pregant with twins and cant afford the 3 kids her and my brother already have we are trying to get them to give me the babies just not sure how to tell them the kids will be better off

Lisa

Not to be harsh, but the kids won't be better off with you if all you can provide is more financial stability. If it's just money and resources they are struggling with, then maybe you can help them out with that a bit? So that their babes can stay with them and be raised by their parents. Not that it's your responsibility, mind you. I'm just saying that adoption is a very permanent solution and if the problem of finances is temporary then it just might not be the right solution.

I am an adoptive parent and do support adoption. However, sometimes it's not the right answer.