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Continue reading Becoming a Foster Parent

Being a foster parent sounds like a lot of hard work.

Being a foster parent may well be hard work, but the benefits in knowing we are helping a child, providing a safe, nurturing and enriched environment that they may not otherwise have is worth it - at least to those I know who are foster parents.

These two things really struck me as points that can be very glossed over but are more often than not, integral parts of being foster parents

Probably the hardst thing for me while I was fostering AD is the fear in knowing that she could have been taken away at any time (yes less then an hours notice).

Luckily for both her and I that did not happen and she is my daughter FOREVER.

All of that other stuff, the behaviors, etc......that did not keep me up at night - but thinking that she might be returned to the situation which brought her into care to begin with, that make me ill (literally)

~ This is why we are foster parents.....to keep kids safe for as long as we can. And if God wills us to adopt again - we will!

This article mentions the need to help children feel a part of the family, even when we know it's temporary. I'm reminded of a couple I met in a department store's photo studio. They had a foster son with them, and they were there to have a family portrait taken. They felt it would be good for him to see pictures of himself with the family. As someone who'd worked with adolescent foster children, I loved the idea in theory, although I wondered if he would feel disloyal to his first family.

Sorry for the two blank posts--I'm new here, and just figuring out my way around. (I have removed them)

This article sounds, and IS, so rational, and points out the "pitfalls" plus the satisfactions of foster parenting, & the need to know what to expect, and to know yourself before you commit. And I guess, what you, yourselves, can handle.

The posters replying sound like such nurturing, nice, thoughtful, (and I mean that in the sense of considerate AND people who think, too) people with good motivations, even if we all know that good intentions are only the beginning. And who followup on them, who have a clue what it's all about.

But I live in a big US city, and foster parenting around here, and in some other big cities I know of, doesn't, from what I know, seem as simple, AS A SYSTEM, or maybe I mean "Clean", as you all are talking about.

Where I live, the public foster care system is a mess. The foster parents--especially family members, or supposed ones, in "kinship care" (no one checks too much on whether or not they are) are just paid too much money. It's just too tempting. And there aren't income requirements here as your article states are usual in a lot of places mostly either--in fact a lot of times, especially for these "kinship" suppposed family members, the foster parent may be encouraged to go on public assistance, on what is called the foster kids' "welfare budget" PLUS the foster allowance money.

And foster homes a lot of times just aren't vetted thoroughly enough. A kid,eg, could be taken out of a home for a mainly economic reasons--say inadequate child care while mom works; or too few bedrooms--and given to a foster family, a "relative" no matter how distant, especially--where the state pays for this stuff (why not just pay for the stuff in the family home if there is no real abuse/neglect??)and put into a home where maybe a natural child, or uncle, or something, is living there and who may be in trouble for a violent crime, or even child abuse of some sort --maybe something much more serious than the original reason for child removal. It doesn't make sense. I don't really blame the state foster workers--they don't have enough adequate resources, or support, or time, or real training--and they have huge caseloads.

But for other people, not the state agencies, it's just become too big a business. A lot of the sub-contracting private agencies, some are non-profit, some are not-for-profit, which is different you can technically make a profit, and some are even actually private profit making--are the ones who, after the initial removal decision, keep making the placement or reunion decisions, while also being the ones who get paid to provide the ongoing services--whether parenting classes for birth parents; in-home services for fosters; or foster or group home services themselves. So depending on their decisions, they keep on making money or not. Isn't this a conflict of interests, really?

And the unscrupulous, or just desperate, foster families who take kids for the (BIG) allowances and find ways to misuse the kids' funds; and even abuse/neglect the kids--in my state, many more kids in the Foster System last year were seriously hurt or KILLED, including sibling groups with special needs, IN Foster Care than with the original, also case-workered, families. And in at least two cases, because the new families didn't want to spend the money on basics like food and beds for the foster kids. They did on their natural kids. It was kind of like Cinderella and the step-mother.

And here, many families get an "adoption bonus" -- they get a lumpsum for adopting and then still keep getting the foster allowance PLUS a monthly premium for adopting. With so much poverty in the foster family pool here (natural and foster), it's just an invitation to misguided fostering for families not prepared or even suitable.

Don't get me wrong foster care is an AMAZING thing when honest and kept honest.

I think one solution is just keeping the monetary rewards reasonable--adequate, natch, but no actually big profits.

Any ideas? I've seen so much of this. It drives me crazy, is very frustrating: The solution is not to throw out foster care of course...but what IS it?

Again, I think this is mostly in really big cities where everything is very expensive, where there is a greater supply of foster kids than demand for them; where there are huge government bureaucracies, and also a lot of private sector competing agencies. And many social probems, too.

Someone added in a post that "natural" parenting is hard too with no assurances and of course that's so. I hope I didn't make it sound like I thought differently about that. In NO WAY am I criticizing fostering as an idea--that's my whole point, how to keep the idea as it's meant to be.

It's just that big systems being involved and all sorts of complications going on with that seem to raise additional issues, plus there just naturally ARE different issues (not saying there are not issues in any kind of parenting; some the same--parenting is parenting is parenting and is a challenge, a joy, a pain, a gift and it needs to be taken seriously,with dose of laughter, and responsibly no matter what the family origin).

Any ideas?

Being a foster parent may be alot of hard work, but so is parenting a natural child. Some foster children may come with some problems, but there are no guarantees that any child will not have problems down the road. At least you are giving a foster child a greater chance of beating the odds and having a normal and productive life.

JR

When reading this article, it strikes me what an incredible challenge it must be for parents to create a place for a foster child. One of the most critical aspects of any child's life is stability and a feeling of safety that parents of any type are responsible for providing. And making this safety and stability a reality in a foster home, particularly for older children that have been through many different homes in their lives must be nearly impossible. The responsibility of a foster parent is a dichotomy; the parent is expected to provide a safe, loving and stable environment for a child as he/she moves through life, but at the same time must address that the child's life is in flux and therefore by nature unstable on a daily basis. A foster parent has two conflicting jobs -- to make a temporary home for the child and to make them feel like their home is not so temporary. As a suitable and good parent, they must be open and communicative with their foster children and be available to address their concerns, anxieties and questions honestly. I wonder how foster parents have handled this particular difficulty, and what types of techniques they've employed or "rituals" they've instilled in their homes to make the children that pass through their loving family, if only briefly, feel a sense of security and feel that their presence in the home is welcome, needed and impactful and meaningful to their foster family.

Being a foster parent is a wonderful thing but can be quite challenging as well. You become attach to the child knowing that one day he may begone. I think you have to be emotionally strong to become a foster parent. But what is more beautiful than a foster family who can give to a child the house and love it deserves.