Adopting.org Discussion Forums

The possibility a hoped-for adoption will not go through is a risk faced by most adopting parents. Learn about risk in adoption, what it means, and how to evaluate your own situation.

Continue reading Risk in Adoption

Risks in adoption is one of the horrors that many people think of when they think about adoption. Whether it is the risk of not relinquishing or another problem, it is very important for prospective parents know that there is a risk of this. Remember that it is the birth family's child first. If they decide to give the child to you, then that is wonderful. If they decide not to, then try to accept it as the best decision for the child and birth family. Although it may be very difficult, it is part of the process.

My husband and I have been going threw infertlity for four years and still have not been successful. We at times have considered adoption but have been discussed at the dead ends we run in too. We were recently contacted by a girl that is four months pregnant and is wanting to give her baby up for adoption. I have talked with her several times and her decision is made. Her mother is against it and is at all times trying to talk her out of it.I would love to adopt this child and I would take it with open arms. I would love it as it was my bio child. I have always had a great love for children. If I adopted I would want it to be an open adoption. Can you help me with the risk? It would rip me apart to get this child and someone try and take it away from me later.
Thanks
mel

I've known lots of couples to give in to pressure to keep a child, even when they were not sure it is the best thing for everyone. I think it is realistic to assume that if the girl sticks with her adoption plan, the girl's mother will be the one to adopt. If that turns out not to be the case, then you can be pleasantly surprised. No matter how old this girl is, if her mother does not respect the girl's right as a mother to determine what's best for her baby, it will be hard for her to carry through.

Very few adoptions come with no risk. There are many things you can do to lower the risk. Working with a good agency or attorney, on both sides, will for sure help.

Please don't make a rash decision. Prepare yourselves for adopting a child that isn't biologically related to you. Agencies will help you know when you are ready to let the infertility go and embrace adoption. It's best for the child to be ready for them.

Have you read Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnston?