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Shame over events surrounding relinquishment or involuntary loss of parental rights can be paralyzing, preventing not only reunion and honesty within families, but also personal peace. Read one woman's story and her suggestions for others.

Continue reading Shame

The shame that birthmothers feel is horrible. To think that 30 years down the road you will feel the same, if not more, shame than the day that you allowed your child to be adopted, is a by product of today's society. If we would all be honest with each other, many of the walls that have been built up about issues such as adoption, would be broken down and be easier to deal with and learn from. This woman should be commended for her choice to integrate her son into her life - no matter the cost. She released the shame for the benefits of loving her son and being loved by him!

I feel every bit as empty and alone today as I did 25 years ago when I placed my son for adoption. I have a 9 year old daughter and an 11 year old son who are my whole reason for being on this Earth, but they do not fill the void in my heart for Joshua. A part of me died the day I relinquished him and I've never quite recovered from that. I was made to feel like a tramp all those years ago, and my pregnancy was a dirty little secret. To this day, my mother will not discuss this "thing" with me. It's as if it never happened. "Sweep it under the rug, dear, move on with your life" is what I was told by my mother and the social worker in 1980. No offer of counseling, no discussion of other options, don't talk about it and it will go away... Here I am, now for the last four years, seeking my son out in every website I can find. I feel like I have to read every single post ever written, in case one's from him... I signed away my "rights" 25 years ago, now I don't feel as if I have any "right" to find him. I loved him then, now I love him even more. I will see this to its end. Tammi

As a birthmother myself, the only shame that I feel is the shame that SOCIETY has placed on me. I did nothing shameful... sex out of wedlock... OK. Yes, shameful at 17 (and being a Catholic? a complete disgrace!), but having sex is human nature!

IMO, for the number of people out there that are having unprotected sex and NOT getting pregnant made me continuously ask the question (and I still do) "WHY ME, GOD?" But for some reason that I have yet to figure out, i was chosen to be a birthmother.