Adopting.org Discussion Forums

Parenting strategies for developing healthy parent-child relationships include information about establishing parental authority, and a section on parenting teens.

Continue reading Discipline, Behavior & Structure

Setting boundaries and developing a good structure of discipline and order for children that is consistent is a challenge extended to all types of parents, but clearly is one that is often even more difficult to implement in blended families. We hear so often about the importance of consistency, particularly when it comes to families that have experiences a great deal of transition. The transition of divorce is difficult enough, but add a new "mom" or "dad" to the mix, and children can get confused. A child is particularly sensitive to changes that affect his/her sense of very general stability, and I think it's very challenging to create a safe environment for children as they go through the changes that come with divorce, adoption, fostering and any other life-altering experience that threatens their sense of family, particularly when there are emotions involved, because children are very perceptive, regardless of how much parents try to protect them from the reality. These resources offer some excellent ideas for how to minimize the trauma associated with transitioning to new stages of life. I wonder how parents that have experienced children in different stages of life (whether young women or men marrying older women or men with older children, and sometimes children that are close to their age, or simply those coming into families with children of many different ages) have experienced the transition, and what skills they have used to help implement a structure that works for their family.

This article, or package of articles, is full of great information. The page is a little "busy," because of so many key words and concepts that are hotlinked to their own windows. Because of that, a lot of information can get skipped over or lost. It might have been better for the information to be integrated.

One of the most appealing features of these articles is its realization that most people struggle to parent from our real selves. Because of that, most efforts at "discipline" are really about giving the false self some reassurance or sense of control.

However, this article doesn't really give the reader the solution. Nor does it do a good job of showing you what parenting from the real self looks like, although you get the impression that you'll get those secrets if you buy their products. I'm not even sure if they're selling anything, but the way the page and copy are set up, it leads me to believe that's the case.

It is just, if not more, important for stepfamilies to have some rules to live by. Boundaries and rules make a child into a happy, well-adjusted adult as long as they are given lovingly and respectfully. Respect is a big issue here - both from the step-parent and the step-child. If you go into your relationship demanding respect then you will probably not receive it. Respect is something you earn by being consistent and fair. Consistency is a major key for any parent and it would have been helpful to have more concentration on how to be consistent in discipline without losing your step-child's respect.