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My husband and I (firefighter & local trucker, I’m house wife and also with fire/rescue) can’t have children. The first place we went to adopt was our local child faster care services. We did every thing that was required of us; even took their 8 weeks of classes. The entire time we made it well known we were only looking to adopt a child; a child that was free and clear to adopt. We didn’t want a child put in our home then pulled and moved around to another home. They said that wasn’t a problem they had plenty of them. All while we were going through their process we were looking at hundreds of their children in our state and even ones out of state. We found a beautiful 6yr little girl in another state that was up for adoption. We told the social worker that was handling our home study about the little girl, she said that was nice, and changed the subject. When she came out to do our home study she got to see the room we had already set up with toys and all for whatever child we adopted. Our social worker told us the room was nice but we couldn’t have toys in it. She said we could only have a bed, dresser, and desk in the room. I told her the toys were for the child we adopted, she just gave us a strange look. She then went on to say we had to have a fenced in play yard. On her way out the door she said call her when we get the toys out of the room and the fence up. Well that really upset us, and even more so when we found out they were only looking for more foster homes, and had no interest in adopting out any children. Turns out they make good money for every child that’s sitting in their foster care system. They just need more homes to have a place to keep the kids. When it comes to state ran agencies you could only deal with ones that are in your local area. Sadly we had to walk away from our plans to adopt an older child.
We then turned to an adoption agency in our state, with plans to adopt a new born. We thought just starting our family with a new born would be a good second choice. We again did all that was asked of us, and took out a loan to make sure we had all the fees covered, and the fees that are required when the placement finely takes place. After we do get a placement we can file for an adoption tax credit then use that money to pay back the loan. We have been sitting and waiting for over 2 years. Last August a birthmother picked us to adopt her soon to be born son. She wanted us to be at the hospital for his birth. She asked if we had a name picked out; we did a family name that healed great meaning to us. She said that was good please name him, so we did.
She said as soon as he was born she wanted him out of the room; she didn’t want to se him or hear him cry. The hospital did as she requested. We were there with him from then on, for his 48 hour stay, with our family all around us. She was in a room right down the hall, but that still being too close to him she left the hospital a few hours after his birth. She had only 6 days to change her mind and on the 6th day she could legally sign him over to us. she asked twice if she could sign before then just to get it over with. The agency told her no; so on the morning of the 6th day she was at the agency bright and early and signed away her right to him and over to us. She said she had been with so many men she didn’t know who the birth father was.
We took our some home on a Friday and had to return him on the Monday, due to birthfather issues that suddenly came up. The agency put our son in agency care, he sat there for over 2 months, as one guy after another came out of the wood work saying the baby was his. Then the birth mother asked to see the baby so the agency granted her request. After seeing him and holding him, she changed her mind. Turns out she wanted him out of the room as soon as he was born was because she thought he was going to be bi-racial; And just wanted to get rid of him as soon as possible. She knew we were looking to adopt Caucasian or bi-racial so she said nothing to us about her fears of his possible race. So after she saw him and that he wasn’t bi-racial like she first thought she wanted him back. So the agency gave into her and gave him back. We had to take the loss and now she has our son, with our family name and all. The agency just gave us the attitude of better luck next time, this one just wasn’t meant to be. We would love to go else where, but we have too much money tied up with them, and can’t afford to take a loss. Right now we have to pay on a loan for an adoption we didn’t get. We’re losing hundreds of dollars each month while waiting. All in all we got what we didn’t want in the first place a child placed in our home then pulled from us….. We’re still childless, heartbroken and don’t know where else to turn.