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Unique to the adoption community, is BirthMother's Day another opportunity to celebrate, or to grieve? Both and neither, say members of our community.

Continue reading Birthmother's Day

I agree whole-heartedly! Each person's story is as individual as they are and should stay that way.

I agree.

This article really struck me in that identified the different roles of the two mothers in simple terms -- the first mother is the one who "gave birth," whereas the adoptive mother is the one who "parented." Both are such important roles, and as the article states, need to be recognized equally. I don't know if I definitely agree with the distinction that the article makes., and makes me wonder how I actually define the word "parent." Isn't part of parenting the giving birth, or is parenting the actual process of bringing up a child? In simple terms, the former definition is as true as the latter, as parent as a verb is often used to express the act of creating and giving birth to a child (for both mother and father). But, by the same token, we often talk, when we talk about delinquent mothers or fathers that don't care for their children (and this is in NO way referring to adoption or birth mothers or fathers, just to clarify!!), we often say they were "bad parents," as if the word parent is more of an active, continuing job than merely giving birth. Sadly, often society doesn't put ENOUGH importance on the first mother's job, or the act of giving birth in general and producing a child. While of course, a whole child is created by the combination of "parenting" and "giving birth," the two cannot exist without each other, by themselves. I've often heard something to the effect of the following: "Any idiot can make a baby, but it takes a parent to raise a child." Typically more specific terms like "mother," "mom," "father," or "dad" (aka, "Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad") are used, but it's still the same confusing message. What's so minimal about making or having a baby? I know it's not all of the job, but it's still very important!

Maybe this belongs in the "a few words on words in adoption" discussion, but it's still frustrating the mixed messages birth mothers get, but great to hear they are being acknowledged, if only in a small way.

This is the best, most thoughtful and nuanced article on "first" mothering and adoption I have read.

This is a subject I've had reason to think on a lot, and didn't think anything could give my jaded eyes a new perspective--but you have.

I didn't know anything about the observance of "Birth/First Mother's Day" and I can't explain how much it helps me. It encapsulates so much--and a day that can contain joy, grief, liberation AND concern for the world is amazing.

The inclusion of remembrance and contemplation of tragic situations around the world seemed especially profound, different, comforting for me--to take one beyond oneself on the same day one is given special, sacred permission to CARE for oneself.

Very neat.

Thank you, and I mean it.

Anna.

It strikes me while reading this article that while, for those first mothers and adopted children that have made peace with the circumstances of their own adoption experiences by reconnecting with their first mothers and exploring a relationship First Mothers' Day is a time of togetherness, acknowledgement, love and celebration, for others it might be a very different time and experience. First Mother's Day might be a time of much grieving and sadness, as the article mentions, either for women and children that feel they might have "lost" years of experience with their mother or child or those that have not been able to reconnect or even find out who their birth parents were because of a closed adoption, or worse, because by the time they were able to think about reconnecting, their first parents had passed on. I wonder if anyone here has had the experience of not knowing their biological mother or having the opportunity to know her, and how you've come to terms with this. How do you commemorate First Mother's Day to help you make sense of your emotions and find a slice of peace and understanding? Similarly, are there any of you out there that never knew the identity of your birth mother and don't feel that it is critical for understanding your life as an adoptee?

What a meaningful way to celebrate your birthmother! I did not even realize that there was a special day set aside for them. This heartfelt day should be celebrated just as much as Mother's Day. A mother gave her child the best gift that she could ever bestow on him or her-the gift of a secure and loving family. That does not make her any less of a mother, and in many ways may make her more of one. To realize that she was not able to give her child everything that she felt her child deserved and then to give her child up for adoption is something that should be celebrated and appreciated. This day can also be used as a vehicle of support between birthmothers. Only another birthmother knows what a birthmother has went through. The feelings of guilt, sadness, hopefulness, and unsuredness are ones that are meant to be shared. I hope that the day is seen as it was meant to be - as a day of thankfulness from adoptive children and their adoptive parents for the greatest gift that anyone could ever give them-the gift of a steady and fulfilling life. Birthmother's Day should be a time of celebration for the birthmother and the adoptive family. Including the whole world into this day, is especially poignant. Thanks for this article. It really has opened my mind to new thoughts and ideas.

Congressional