Adopting.org Discussion Forums

Okay - I'm sure that someone has done this before, so I can really use some advice. My husband and I found our birth parent the day after our adoption orientation - she is a family friend and I've known her for a few years. I provide child care for her current child out of my home. She let us know that she is expecting (soon!) and we're going to adopt that baby. We, of course, are going to have an extremely open adoption and I was wondering if anyone else has had this same experience?

Hi Emma's mom - welcome and congratulations on your match. I am a birthmother in a very open adoption with my almost 8 year old son and his family. It hasn't been easy and there have been many ups and downs, but it's been well worth all the hard work.

Hi! I’m new here, too, but I am also in a very open adoption of my 6-month-old daughter with her Father’s mom and step dad. For us, it works. We’re Mommy and Daddy and his parents are Mama and Papa. I haven’t been able to see my daughter that often recently, through my finishing up my senior year in High School, getting ready for college, working, etc. And then Mama and Papa are trying to buy a new house so that my daughter can grow up in a better environment. But we get along great! I just saw my girl yesterday, and she’s happy and healthy and safe, which is all I’ve ever wanted for her. In a nutshell, we have a very open adoption, I get to see my daughter whenever I can, I’m still “Mommy”, and everything is going amazingly. I just hope everything goes as well for you and your friend.

Thanks all for the feedback! Our little guy is already 3 1/2 months old! Where does the time go??? My friend (birth mom) sees him every couple of weeks, and I still watch her daughter every so often. Everything is working out very well. I can't tell you how happy we are to have him!

To all of you birth mothers: Thank you so much for giving us such a wonderful gift! It is so amazing to look at him and know that his birth mother loved him so much that she chose adoption for him... and it is very humbling to know that she chose us to be his parents!

Isn't this confusing to the children - having so much contact with the birth mother after adoption? Our two 'nearly adopted' children (ages 4 & nearly 8) have monthly visits with their birthmom and at least one phone call per week with her. I would think they would wonder why they can visit/talk with her regularly, but yet not "go home" for good, or at least spend the night with her as they do with our adult children. Is this really in the best interest of the children?

My husband and I have an open adoption. I went to school with my daughter’s birthmother and she is also kin to my sister-in-law. My daughter is now 9 months old and the love of our life. My friend calls us mommy and daddy. She is like an aunt. She also has two other kids and she has helped make our home complete.

I want to thank all birth parents for giving other couples the chance to be parents that are unable to be

what about closed adoption?

I have an open adoption. My son just turned 3 in August. It has been the most painful but also the most fulfilling experience of my life. My son's adoptive parents tell their kids that they are adopted from a young age, so they grow up knowing that they have birth parents. Some people ask why open adoption and my answer to that is, I couldn't have it any other way. There is no way I could place my child and not ever know how they are, where they are, what's going on in their life. For some people that might be the best way, being that they cannot get over the hurt and pain of having to place in the first place but my love for my son is greater than the hurt that I still feel. It's all about personal choice and your level of comfort.