Adopting.org Discussion Forums

We adopted a sibling group of four sisters seven years ago, ages now 7-15. These girls are so wonderful. However, last year when one of the middle ones (age 13)started on a tirade of misbehavior, eventually ended up in a short-term psychiatric ward three times, a children's psychiatric hospital for four months, and now in a therapeutic group home. She has several mental health diagnoses but fits into no specific pattern, bits and pieces of lots of things including bipolar, mood disorder, personality disorder, narcissisism, etc. We ended up sending her away because of her threats of violence to her family, and she began physically hurting (slapping, kicking, etc.) her siblings. She has become so angry and verbally abusive to both my husband and I that the mental health professionals are telling us that maybe we have done all we can do and call it a failed adoption. Honestly, we did nothing but love and care for her from the moment we met her. We have done everything to support her. My heart is broken. When do you know it is OK to stop trying? I keep thinking that if I try something different, etc. maybe it would help. It just seems worse. When I talk with her (which I do on a daily basis) I get more and more upset and sad. My husband and I are trying to detach. Does anybody have any ideas or support to offer? I feel like we are giving up on her. Thanks so much.

By saying "dissolution", are you saying you'd relinquish your parental rights to the state? Or are you saying that she'll need to go into like a RTC? Many kids can't live with their families, but the parents do retain their parental rights.

After 4 years, I'm sure you've done your research, but I wonder...have you looked into Reactive Attachment Disorder? And with her bi polar etc., are there meds that can help control her anger?

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time!!

seven years is a long time to call it a failed adoption; however, how would you go about un-adopting her? I'm curious not trying to be judgmental.

Her behavior has obviously put you and your family through the ringer. I'm sure you are feeling emotionally drained and the other children are suffering as well. I realize this post is old, but I would love to talk to you further regarding this issue. Feel free to email me anytime.

Oh my...this has to be especially difficult since you adopted a sibling group, eh? Was the adoption international? WE are going through an almost identical experience, except we just adopted one little boy that was abandoned by his birth mom while she kept two other birth children. Even with the diagnoses of various mental illnesses, this child can make some decisions for herself. She knows (as do her siblings) what it is like to live in a loving home.
I do know...the pain of trying to detach. When the RTC keeps calling every week with new reports of things he's done; when probation contacts us for meetings; when the school contacts us for meetings; when DHS contacts us for meetings.....what i am trying to say is that i do not think that it is possible for you to emotionally detach when you still have guardianship. I have been living with a lump in my throat every day for a couple of years now....a tissue in my hand and look for every opportunity to be alone and cry cry cry! So, we are finally going to look into dissolving the adoption. I need someone else to take over....I've...we've done everything within our power to love and cherish and parent this child....to no avail. HANG IN THERE! There are others out here that are going through the same thing!
dianek

Thank you for reading my post. I am a graduate student and am interested in learning more about the relationships of parents with an adopted child who has been diagnosed with a mental illness and that child as well as about the perceptions of services available to both parents and their children. The survey should take you less than 15 minutes. Your participation will be completely anonymous as names are not attached to the survey. If you have any questions or concerns you can email me at dmuise@bridgew.edu. If you are interested in participating please click the link below to access the survey or copy & paste it into your browser. Thank you in advance!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?...v09xdhAVQ_3d_3d


Thanks
Danika