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Should I Tell the Teacher our Child is Adopted?
I have an adopted daughter who just started kindergarten. We went through a private adoption but, have been very open about it with her as well as family and friends.
My question is, is it necessary to tell her school teacher about her adoption we have always treated this a just another way children come to be in families. No one has asked us about it. I am just curious. I have not been able to find the answer to this question. I would appreciate your input.
Response from Graham:
Hello Terri,
My general feeling is that if you are wondering whether or not to tell her teacher, it probably means you think you really should. Your instincts may be right. Schools are often unintentionally insensitive to adoption issues of their students. Problems frequently arise in later grades when assignments and discussions such as "draw your family tree" and "why do we look so much like our parents" are introduced. It is less likely to happen in kindergarden, but it also does no harm for the teacher to be aware of issues of difference in their students. Adoption really should not be a secret in society but the old, outdated, assumptions of it being somehow "less" than birth parentage still tend to keep it so. Perhaps the best advice is to assess your child's teacher! If you believe that you can have a partnership with her (or him), and that your adoption will be treated with respect, then openness seems indicated. If you lack that trust, maybe it's better to wait. There is a great resource available from FAIR in Palo Alto, California. They have produced a resource guide for teachers on adoption issues. You can find them in the phonebook, or from lwood@pacbell.com
Adoption Consultants Home Study Question
I have some concerns regarding the home study required for approval to be an adoptive parent. Here is our situation.
I am diabetic (under control with diet and oral medication), and am taking antidepressants. I am also over 100 lbs overweight. I was hospitalized 10 years ago with clinical depression but after being placed on medication, I am very stabe and funtion like normal. My husband has switched jobs several (more than 5) times in the last two years but before that was employeed at the same place for 15 years. After trying to conceive for 5 years, we have not. We have not undergone any testing to determine the reason for this. I attribute it to my diabetes and my weight.
Here are the questions: If an agency requires the adoptive parents to be infertile...do we qualify? Considering my medical problems...we we be turned down? How will my husband's employment history effect our chances? AND LAST QUESTION...How long do you think it will take to adopt a child under 1 year of age from a public agency...how about a private agency?
Thank you so much for your service.
Response from Graham:
In response to your questions:
1. Very few agencies require prospective parents to be infertile nowadays. They will want to feel confident that you have reached some degree of resolution of the apparent inability to conceive. This generally means that you have grieved the loss involved in coming to terms with the fact that you are unlikely to have a biological child.
2. Neither the medical issues you describe, nor your husbands recent employment changes, in and of themselves, are likely to disqualify you - if the agency believes that you could be a resource for a child in need of a home. It's the total picture of what you can offer as potential parents that counts. However, agencies will want to verify your current and likely future medical status, and will want to be assured that your present and future financial situation seems to be stable.
3. If you are willing to consider infants with drug exposure at birth, with parental history of mental illness, or those with current developmental delays (not necessarily lifelong) then your chances are much improved. Frankly, if you are seeking a healthy infant, all the factors that you describe are likely to stand in your way - just because there are so many people seeking infants who do not have those or other issues. For discussion of the comparisons between agencies and independent adoption, and the processes involved, go to Adoption Consultants at http://members.aol.com/ask4adopt Thanks.
Adoption Questions; our situation
Will we have a problem adopting? Eighteen years ago I was involved in selling drugs and was in jail for a short time, but have been rehabilitated and have been free of drugs and have had no subsequent troubles with the law.
Response from Graham:
I wouldn't worry too much. 18 years ago is a very long time! There is a process known as "an exception" to criminal records. Tell your
adoption worker in writing about the crime (including all major details), and
request an exception. You'll need three references to attest to your
rehabilitation who know about the crime, and who can attest to your
character, and the likelihood of the offence being repeated. It the
circumstances you describe it should not be a problem.
Good Luck! Visit us at http://members.aol.com/ask4adopt if you need any more
help.
Adoption Consultants.
Adoption Questions; our situation
Thank you for being here on the net for people like us. We are looking into adoption but we fear that we will not be allowed to adopt since, at the moment, we receive AFDC and food stamps. We are loving parents and have three sons now. I had to undergo a total hysterectomy in 1991 and therefore, am unable to have any more children. We would love to adopt another child, but can't afford all those high fees that you hear so much about. My husband is 30, he will be 31 this year. I turned 28 this year. Our boys are ages 11, 8, and soon to be 7 years old. We would love to have a baby girl. She would not have to be american, we would be very happy with a baby daughter from another country. Anyway, we provide for our children very well. Our children are first in our lives and in all that we do. We have been compliments several times on what good parents we are and how great our boys are, etc. Is there any way that we can adopt even though we are on public assistance at this time? Our children have everything that they need and we could provide such a loving and stable home for another child. Please help. Thank you.
Hopefully your's in Kentucky, USA....Darrin and Christina Stevens and sons
lethal@bellsouth.com
Response from Graham:
Hello Darrin and Christine,
The answer to your question is yes, you can certainly adopt while on AFDC, and you might be welcomed as a resource for a child in foster care. If you adopt a foster child you will almost certainly also be eligible for Adoption Assistance payments to assist you to provide for her care. There have been situations where I, and other adoption staff I have known, have successfully placed children in need with families on welfare. And, no, you can forget international adoption. It costs a lot of money. Having said the above you may also have to face some realities. In a lot of areas you will not be considered for adoption simply because you are on AFDC.
No law prevents it but local policy certainly can and often does. You also should consider the impact of welfare reform on your family. At some point soon your welfare benefits will be cut off if one of you is not working. Even if an agency is willing to even look at your situation you will find serious concern expressed about your family's future financial stability. Most people in this country would advise you to concentrate on obtaining employment and establishing your independence before increasing the number of people who are dependent on you. I think that, today, you'll find that most agencies, and others involved in adoption, will feel the same way. You sound like fine people, and I hope that your adoption plans workl out for you in the future.
Thanks for consulting with us.
Adoption Consultants
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