Requirements for Adoption...

[Lilspidr]

Hello,

I'm new to this forum, and am hoping for some guidance. My husband and I have been happily married for 9 years. We both know that we want to raise children and begin a family, and have been planning to do so for 6 years now. We've decided that we want to adopt. The issue that concerns us centers around what requirements an adoptive family needs to meet.
I was diagnosed with Manic Depression almost 12 years ago, due to a hospitalization. I've been on medication and stable for the past 10 years, but do not feel comfortable with the idea of exposing a fetus to this medication through pregnancy. Adoption is both something that I've wanted to do for many years, and a safer alternative for our child. There has never been a time since my diagnosis that I have been untreated by a doctor, and my husband has no history of mental illness. I guess I need to know if this diagnosis could possibly disqualify me as an adoptive parent. I apreciate any advice or information that you might have.

Thank you,

Lil

[Crick]

This will not legally disqualify you from adopting a child. Your doctor will need to submit a "fit to parent" document in your homestudy saying that there is no medical/psychological reason why you cannot parent. All adoptive parents have to have this document regardless. There are so many different kinds of "disabilities" out there and legally, they do not preclude you from parenting.

However..you might experience some challenges depending on the kind of adoption you do.

International adoption might have more restrictions, depending on the country. I do know of several parents with depression diagnosis that have adopted internationally though.

Some expectant moms might not select you as the parent for their child, but then again...there will be those who don't see this as an issue.

Agencies will ask you questions regarding your depression and you'll want to be prepared for that as well as have the answers showing how you'll parent the child and deal with "off" days etc. Again, every parent goes through this process.

Hope that answers it and if you have anymore questions, feel free to ask!

[Lilspidr]

Actually you’ve answered a great deal of my questions and concerns. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, as this is not an easy question to answer.

I requested an information packet on international adoption this past week and received it Saturday. I was able to call their 1-800 number and ask them directly if my diagnosis would cause a problem in the adoption process. They told me that it would, and that I should probably remove myself from their list, as they can only do this with my permission.

The explanation that they gave me made perfect sense, so I gave them permission to remove me. For a number of years I managed a bipolar support group and have seen the worst and best of this disorder, which caused me to understand why they might take such precautions.

After my discussion with them I could help but wonder though if this is in keeping with the discrimination against the Mentally Ill act that I'd worked with NAMI on years ago. The conclusion I came to was that despite the fact that this may be politically incorrect I personally would not want to see these children harmed if they did not take such precautions.

Unfortunately this does put my husband and I in a bit of a bind. We’ve been talking to my doctors for the past three years about the fact that we want to have children. I’ve been told more than a few times that because I’ve remained stable on my medication for the past 10 years there will be a major risk to both myself and my child if I decide to become pregnant; with or without medication. I was advised to consider adoption first as the safest option. Now I’m told that because I am a stable bipolar with a diagnosis and records that I am not a risk that adoptions agencies want to take. They even went so far as to suggest that if I hadn’t been diagnosed, and had not seen doctors to maintain stability I’d have a better chance at adopting.

We will continue to research our options, as time it seems can only help us to find the best one, however I must say that this news was disheartening at best.

Again thank you very much for addressing my question. It seems that I may need to look at domestic adoption, and certainly other adoption agencies before we close the chapter on this issue.

[ajjhmf]

I meant to reply ti this earlier, but life has gotten away from me lately.


I have a dx of major depressive disorder with mania. My quite bi-polar, but it does require management and I did have a hospitalization stint a 13 years ago. I was deepy concerned this would affect our ability to adopt. Here's what I found out.

Can you adopt with bi-polar... yes. But the type of adoption will be limited.

International adoption is pretty much out. International depends not just on US adoption laws, but on the laws in the individual contries as well. They can be as selective as they like and they don't take any mental illness.

Domestic infant adoption CAn happen, but it takes time. First you need to find an agency willing to work with you. Then you need to find a potential birthmother (they aren't birthmothers until they relinquish, btw) open and educated enough aboud bi-polar to place her child with you. This is possible, but the wait will be longer that the averages agencies talk about.

Older child, waiting child and foster-adopt programs in the US are the most lenient when it comes to approving families. However, it's still not the easiest. I had to undergo a psychological evaluation to prove I was stable and fit to parent. Letters from my doctors and such we needed as well. It didn't take any longer, it just was a few extra steps. That being said, our SW told us they like families like ours. One who are pro-active in mental health and not afraid of therapy. In the end, it was a bonus for us, not a hinderance. And it's helped us emmensly when it comes to our son.

Obviously, we went the route of older child adoption. Although, my mental health wasn't a factor for us in choosing our type of adoption because we felt led to teh older child route pretty early on and I hadn't considered my mental health issues yet. We did adopt our oldest son and hope to adopt again someday when our baby is a bit older. J is the joy of my life and I wouldn't change a thing that I had to do to get him home.

I hope this helps answer some of your original questions. Don't let the answers you got from one agency discourage you.

Blessings,
Jenny

[Falesta]

I'm so glad I came across this thread. I was diagnosed with a mild form of Bipolar, but I see a therapist monthly and take my medication as instructed. I also have a mild form of epilepsy, too. We have a biological daughter who is happy and healthy, so hopefully, whatever agency we go through will take that into account. I'm also a registered nurse in a NICU. Maybe that will neutralize my Bipolar diagnosis At this point, we don't want to try to have another biological child because of the meds I have to take. Thanks for all this information! Now we know that domestic is probably the way to go.

[HopsTrck]

Actually you’ve answered a great deal of my questions and concerns. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, as this is not an easy question to answer.

I requested an information packet on international adoption this past week and received it Saturday. I was able to call their 1-800 number and ask them directly if my diagnosis would cause a problem in the adoption process. They told me that it would, and that I should probably remove myself from their list, as they can only do this with my permission.

The explanation that they gave me made perfect sense, so I gave them permission to remove me. For a number of years I managed a bipolar support group and have seen the worst and best of this disorder, which caused me to understand why they might take such precautions.

After my discussion with them I could help but wonder though if this is in keeping with the discrimination against the Mentally Ill act that I'd worked with NAMI on years ago. The conclusion I came to was that despite the fact that this may be politically incorrect I personally would not want to see these children harmed if they did not take such precautions.

Unfortunately this does put my husband and I in a bit of a bind. We’ve been talking to my doctors for the past three years about the fact that we want to have children. I’ve been told more than a few times that because I’ve remained stable on my medication for the past 10 years there will be a major risk to both myself and my child if I decide to become pregnant; with or without medication. I was advised to consider adoption first as the safest option. Now I’m told that because I am a stable bipolar with a diagnosis and records that I am not a risk that adoptions agencies want to take. They even went so far as to suggest that if I hadn’t been diagnosed, and had not seen doctors to maintain stability I’d have a better chance at adopting.

We will continue to research our options, as time it seems can only help us to find the best one, however I must say that this news was disheartening at best.

Again thank you very much for addressing my question. It seems that I may need to look at domestic adoption, and certainly other adoption agencies before we close the chapter on this issue.

This is good information to have albeit disappointing. I have borderline personality disorder comorbid with depression and GAD (general anxiety disorder) . I have some real doubts about being a parent because of it, but I am also getting schema therapy and learning relaxation techniques (breathing and such). At any rate I am sorry to hear about the international adoption route being closed off to me.

Hopefully a domestic option is still a possibility for me, although I think I am going to have to really focus on getting myself progressed a bit further with therapy. Thankfully I have a stable and supportive partner who would make a wonderful mother and I think will pass any adoption criteria with flying colors.

Thanks to all contributing to this thread. I will probably still go ahead with speaking to an international agency, but I will make sure I am upfront and find out if that's for sure not an option.

[contyler]

I believe one should be mentally stable to be able to adopt a child. The person willing to adopt should see first that his mentality is in a proper state before he wou;ld be allowed to adopt. If you think you fit, then go.

[queen9810]

hi my name is snow queen, me and my husband are trying to adopt but we was needing to know how old you have to be to do so ill be 20 in feb and he will be 22 in dec please we really want to start a family

[wgtoschas]

Me and my finance are looking to adopt interanationally , but wanted to know if we are not married would that cause a problem also, do anyone have any recommendation for a agency that i my contact in domician republic