How do you know what level of contact is benefitting the kids?
I am stuggling with how much contact is good for the kids?
We backed off on physical contact due to bio mom having issues with drugs and going to rehab. And they haven't physically seen her in about 3 months. They have had contact by phone with her about once a month, and I have had contact by phone and mail at least once a week. The girls are 5 & 8.
Where I question what they want/need - At counseling last week the therapist asked if they remembered Mommy L and they both said 'No'??
I too am wondering how much contact with the birth mother is good for the kids. Our children are 4(a girl) and nearly 8 years old (a boy). They were removed from the birth home 3 1/2 years ago, have been with us for 2 years now, and the adoption is nearly finalized. They see their birth mother once a month, and talk to her on the phone at least one time per month. The phone calls consist our 8 year old doing most of the talking - asking the questions "how's it going, what have you been doing, etc., etc." instead of her trying to find out what's going on in their lives. I really don't feel she is that great an influence, and now has a boyfriend, so I'm REALLY reluctant to have them around him because both kids are MUCH too FRIENDLY, and give hugs/kisses too freely - even to strangers. They crawl on strangers laps (like the boyfriend). I'm just not sure they are safe. (We're still learning some of what happened before they were removed from their mother.) What have you come up with since posting you question? Any help is greatly appreciated. Some of the postings talk of how they have the birthmother babysit for them in their home, etc. I don't want her in my home alone, as we have found out that she has stolen money from her father (whom she lives with), and was fired from a job because of theft. (Also she is a relative, so this makes things interesting....)
We are going through pretty much the same thing... We are a lot further along in the adoption process. It is very hard when one of your adult children are in the world doing things they shouldn't be...
I will start by saying this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life, the turmoil of relinquishing our grown child's rights to her own children has almost torn this family apart....