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Forty-five years ago today, at 4:45 p.m. Chicago time, my daughter Susan was born. It is difficult to believe that I have a daughter who's 44. This morning before going to the office, I slipped the special video Susan and her husband made for me several years ago and watched my little baby as she was introduced to her adoptive family. Like many other Birthmothers, who have struggled with the loss of a child through the act of adoption, I wrote Susan a poem. I wrote it on her Fifth Birthday, 39 years ago, and recited it like a prayer every year thereafter. I'd like to share it with you.
TO MY DAUGHTER:
Memories have not faded through these long eventful years
and a mother's love has not lessened, with the ceasing of her tears.
Your bracelet, that I carried and slept with near my heart,
was lost very long ago, as you were from the start.
My dear little girl, you were borne with my soul's love...
you were a very precious thing, a wondrous gift from God above.
wish that I could give today, a special gift to you;
I wish that I could hold you--there's so much I'd like to do.
But, all that I can offer, on this, your Fifth Birthday, is a prayer that God will bless you,
and guide you on your way.
That the gifts of love and loving are embedded in your heart;
sincerity and compassion, with you will never part.
That you greet the world with wonder and marvel at its song,
and that God will lead you toward what you seek, and draw you from what's wrong.
I'd like so much to give to you what good there is in me;
I wish I could share with you all the beauty that I see.
The stars that shine in a deep blue sky;
the majesty of the mountains reaching high;
The sound of the waves pounding the shore;
the music of the heavens within the ocean's roar.
The perfection of a simple leaf;
the contentment found in self belief.
I wish that I could give you these--and oh, so many more
of all those precious wondrous things, from my abundant store,
But dearest one, you're not near -- you are not close this day --
and all I can offer is my prayer, "May God Guide you on your Way."
--------- I was in my early twenties when I wrote that; I'm almost sixty-four now. My daughter and I reunited when she was 32 (and I was 52) and I rest with the knowledge that God did answer my "prayer-poem."
Susan has all the gifts I wanted for her: sincerity, compassion, a gift for accepting and giving love. She frequently walked the beaches and listened to the music of the heavens in the ocean's roar. She not only gazed at the majestic mountains, she also climbed and skied them. She still wonders at the stars, and yes, she discovered the perfection in the simple leaf; in fact she cultivates them along with the flowers in her home and yard. And, Self-belief is what has made her successful in her career, as well as in her marriage and in motherhood.
I prayed for all that, but her Parents, Sylvia and Harold, gave her the space, security and encouragement to make use of the gifts. Need I tell you how lucky I am? I wish you all the same good fortune.
With Love and Hugs, CAROL (2/13/98)
Carol Bird, Birthmother -- E-mail: mcbird@bellsouth.net
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