A Parent's Guide to Adoption Disruption & Dissolution - BEFORE
When is disruption really necessary? Adopting children is not like buying shoes. You can't try a pair on for size, discard it if the fit or appearance isn't perfect, and go on to the next ones. But sometimes, no matter how hard a family tries, an adoption fails anyway. Sometimes, disruption is unavoidable.
So how does one know when an adoption has failed or should end?
Safety is the primary consideration. Parents considering disruption should ask themselves two questions, and proceed with disruption if the answer to both is "yes":
- Is any member of the family in physical or psychological danger if the adoption continues? (This applies to human members only, not pets.)
- Have we tried everything possible to keep the family intact?
These are not simple questions to answer, as there are many ways to safely parent a child with dangerous behaviors if a family is willing to work with the agency to find solutions. In some cases, residential treatment allows the adoption to continue while keeping everyone safe. Parenting from afar is still parenting, and is a positive alternative to disruption.
For example, a child who runs away frequently at night and is gone for days at a time is at high risk of being hurt or even killed while away from home. Working with the agency and the child's counselor or therapist, the family may wish to try some or all of these potential answers before considering disruption:
- medication or a change of medication,
- a new therapeutic strategy,
- group therapy in addition to individual sessions,
- motion alarms placed on the child's bedroom door and windows,
- inpatient treatment in a mental hospital, or
- residential treatment in a secure lock-down center.
Disruption must always be the last resort. Everything else that can be safely tried should be tried first.
Next: During: The Process
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2 More of this Feature •
Introduction •
DURING: The Process •
AFTER: Now What? Glossary •
Adoption Disruption •
Adoption Dissolution •
Residential Treatment Related Resources •
More from this Author •
Positive Steps for Families in Crisis •
Understanding Your Child © Rita Laws and Nancy Ashe. This copyrighted article may be printed for private family use and for one-time reproduction in the print newsletters of non-profit adoption support groups and non-profit agencies with appropriate credit to author and web site. This notice must remain with the printed copy. ALL other uses require written permission.
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