A Parent's Guide to Adoption Disruption & Dissolution - AFTER
What is wrongful adoption? In some cases, parents will decide to take legal action against an adoption agency after a disruption by claiming "wrongful adoption." This means that the parents believe that the agency was negligent in its duties in some way, i.e., that they made a poor match, failed to prepare the parents adequately, failed to inform the parents fully about the child's problems, or failed to take corrective action soon enough when problems arose. Some wrongful adoption lawsuits seek to recover compensation for financial losses and for emotional pain and suffering.
To find out more, see information on this site about
"Wrongful Adoption" and the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (also known as "Quad-A") at
www.adoptionattorneys.org/.
Summary Parents and children who have been through adoption disruption describe it as a nightmare and one of the worst experiences of their lives. On top of the emotional toll, it can be financially devastating, especially for people who adopted internationally.
When disruption cannot be prevented or an alternative found, it should be approached with the child's best interests at the forefront. Sensitivity to the feelings of the child who leaves and the children who stay must be the first priority.
There is life and joy after disruption, but parents must take time to grieve and to heal. They should seek to minimize stress as much as possible as they have likely been under a great deal of stress for months or for years. They should take life one day at a time and make use of support groups and any help offered by their agency. Talking with other parents who have experienced and survived a disruption can be especially helpful.
It has been my privilege to successfully adopt 9 children but along the way, I have also experienced two disruptions: one after 3 days, and one after 4 months. These were older children who had experienced other disruptions and were at high risk due to dangerous behaviors, so there was a strong statistical probability of failure.
Unfortunately, being statistically predictable did nothing to alleviate the intense emotional pain of these two losses. Even though they occurred almost twenty years ago, I still think of them with sadness. But then I remember the nine adoptions that have worked, and my three grandchildren, and I realize that this is part of the risk we have to take to open our hearts and homes to certain children.
Is older child or special needs adoption worth it, even with the risk of disruption? Each individual parent must find the answer to this question for himself or herself. For me, the answer is yes, times nine.
For additional reading, see
Resources for Parents Facing Disruption.
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3 More of this Feature •
INTRODUCTION •
BEFORE: Answers to First Questions •
DURING: The Process Glossary •
Adoption Disruption •
Adoption Dissolution •
Wrongful Adoption Related Resources •
Adoption Laws •
Positive Steps for Families in Crisis •
Subsidies/Assistance Payments © Rita Laws and Nancy Ashe. This copyrighted article may be printed for private family use and for one-time reproduction in the print newsletters of non-profit adoption support groups and non-profit agencies with appropriate credit to author and web site. This notice must remain with the printed copy. ALL other uses require written permission.
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