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| Donnita: | I had received a letter asking to open it up and the response was never replied to, that started two years of writing and phone calls, and packages sent with no response... AGENCY ERROR |
| Chat Moderator: | Error? |
| Donnita: | She never received them. They have no record of them. |
| Jody: | My letter came back....I was given the wrong city....then I didn't hear from Donnita, so I assumed that she wanted to back off. |
| Donnita: | I didn't hear anything and assumed she changed her mind. |
| Jody: | It was so odd to me, because she had faithfully sent cards and gifts, then nothing. I thought she needed time. |
| Donnita: | Then in August of 1999, I raised holy H*** |
| Jody: | LOL, you go girl! |
| Chat Moderator: | How did you reconnect? |
| Donnita: | I got hold of the Social Workers and told them all my frustrations in some not so nice words, LOL. |
| Jody: | Donnita put the fear of hades in our Social Worker. |
| Donnita: | As for the reconnection, I was told by the Social Worker to send a letter and she would see that it was hand delivered to Jody. I did, and on September 8, 1999 I received an email from Jody. LOL. I hooped and hollered all night. |
| Jody: | The moment I received the letter, I immediately emailed Donnita. |
| Chat Moderator: | Donnita, what was it that made you finally decide enough was enough? |
| Donnita: | Their birthdays had just gone by again with no response. |
| Kilo: | How old were the boys when they came to you, Jody? |
| Jody: | Very close to 4 and 5. |
| Donnita: | 3 and 2 at relinquishment. Anyway, the funniest part is finding out about Jody and her "family." |
| Jody: | Oh yes, I had been afraid that Donnita would hate me if she knew about my family. |
| Donnita: | I had logged into on the advise of a co-worker. Imagine my surprise when I find Jody under parenting special needs children, LOL. |
| Chat Moderator: | Jody, why would she hate you? because there were so many other children? |
| Jody: | Yes, I was very worried that she would think that the boys weren't in a loving home or getting the attention they needed with so many kids. |
| Donnita: | After finding all the info out, I was afraid to let her know that I knew! ROFL. I was afraid she would feel as though I was invading her privacy. |
| Jody: | She wrote me this adorable letter.....saying she knew all about me. I was so relieved. |
| Donnita: | That sounds so bad. LOL. "I know all about you and...." |
| Jody: | ....and you know what I did last summer, right? LOL. |
| Chat Moderator: | Were either of you afraid about how the boys would react / not react? |
| Donnita: | I was terrified! |
| Jody: | Yes, very much so....because the boys do have some behavioral issues. |
| Donnita: | Irony, the same as Malcolm does. And they have been separated since Malcolm was just months old. |
| Jody: | I have raised my children to be proud of their heritage...and I have always spoken highly about Donnita in my home. |
| Donnita: | I'm sure that the support they received from Jody regarding their bmom helped them. |
| Chat Moderator: | Did you have any backup system in place in case it didn't go well? |
| Jody: | I didn't have a back up plan, because I HAD to make it work. |
| Donnita: | After Jody and I started talking, it had to work. I was being adopted too! |
| Jody: | That goes both ways, Hon....you have been just as supportive. The minute I started talking to Donnita via the phone, I became very selfish about her....I love her very much and wanted her in my life, as much as the boys. |
| Donnita: | LOL. I wanted to get home to see her and the boys, YESTERDAY! |
| Chat Moderator: | What about you Donnita? Was your fiancé being with you in some way a back up plan for you? |
| Donnita: | I'm not so sure I would say he was a back up plan, but I needed his support. |
| Jody: | I have to add, that I was worried that Donnita would not receive the support that she needed. |
| Donnita: | My family was of little support. |
| Jody: | I was concerned that I couldn't give Donnita the support that she needs, because no matter what, I am still the adoptive Mom....I don't want Donnita to view me as that....I want her to know that she's part of us. |
| Chat Moderator: | It's got to be tough - even under the best circumstances because the time always comes when you have to leave. |
| Donnita: | That was the hardest part, leaving the reunion. If I could have stayed, I would have. I don't know which felt worse, leaving the first time, or leaving this time, even knowing I was going to see them again. |
| Jody: | There were some tense moments with the 11 y.o. as well.....which was disappointing, but Donnita worked with him through her own pain. |
| Donnita: | It did both of us some good, Jody. |
| Jody: | Yes, it did |
| ToniD5: | Did the boys know why they were relinquished? |
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Comments
Special story. I wish I could find my 20 yr old daughter, born Feb 4, 1988, in N. C. It was a closed adoption, but she would be of age now. I don't know if it is legal to find her.
Posted by: Itwasclosed at 07/08/2008 04:03 AM
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