We Opened Our Adoption (chat transcript)

Introduction

We were honored to have as our guests in the adoption chat room JODY and DONNITA. Jody is the adoptive mother of (among others) two of Donnita's birth sons.

These two women have opened the adoption in which they separately and together play such important roles.

Come meet them and listen in.

Donnita:	Back in 1992 I made the hardest decision of my life, to place two of my three children for adoption. Their father was very abusive and (the boys) needed protection and a sense of normalcy.
Jody:	And the system did nothing to protect Donnita.
Donnita:	True, Jody. In 1994 I received my first letter from Jody, although at the time I didn't know her name. LOL. And they didn't hold up their end of the deal, open adoption.
ToniD5:	Why didn't dad want the youngest child?
Donnita:	He was conceived after the "break up" and wouldn't claim him even after a 99.99 paternity index.
Jody:	Also, he used the boys to torment Donnita ....
Donnita:	True. He would kidnap them and leave me with no idea where or how they were. The police were no help.
Jody:	He's a very abusive man....and he used the boys as pawns to control Donnita.
Donnita:	He held me prisoner at one time in my own home.
Jody:	Since Donnita has left our area, the bdad has been arrested on occasion for domestic and child abuse.
Donnita:	I have also heard of drug charges.
Chat Moderator:	He lives nearby?
Donnita:	YES, very close, too close.
Jody:	Yes, he lives in my area, which is one of the reasons that I changed the younger boys name....which I hated to do, for fear of hurting Donnita.
Donnita:	I have adapted well and love Sam just as much as Davon, lol.
Jody:	((((thanks Hon)))))
Kilo:	Donnita, how was it that you could place the boys without their father's consent?
Donnita:	I took him to court and after five days of testifying against him and testifying to the abuse, the courts terminated his rights. My first step to independence.
Jody:	But they did not terminate Donnita's rights....and that should be made clear.
Donnita:	I relinquished because I knew the boys would NEVER be safe with me because of him. He has tracked me to other states before. He is a frightening man.
Jody:	We're talking stalking beyond severe. I thank God that Donnita didn't become a statistic.
Donnita:	The boys were initially placed in a foster home, not a good one either.
Jody:	The boys came to me via a lousy foster home....
Donnita:	they were placed prior to the court hearing (for) safety. We knew he would try to get to them, which he did, even threatened the Social Worker.
Chat Moderator:	Was (the adoption) supposed to be open? Closed?
Donnita:	Open. I don't know what they told Jody, but they told me open. Jody wasn't even told about the abuse the boys had witnessed.
Jody:	I wasn't originally told that it would be open. I wasn't told much of anything!!
Chat Moderator:	Jody, would you have considered an open special needs adoption before you knew anything about Donnita?
Jody:	Sass, it depends on the circumstances. If severe abuse-protection issues are not an issue, then absolutely. I am in other open adoptions. But there's Donnita - my very special love.
Donnita:	I received periodic letters from Jody.
Jody:	As I did from Donnita, then I asked her if we could bypass DHS.....and then our correspondence practically stopped.
Chat Moderator:	What happened? Did either of you stop writing?

Page 1 - Introduction
Page 2 - Getting Reconnected
Page 3 - About the Boys

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