Two Women and a Baby, Page 2
Open Adoption? We had planned on a semi-open adoption, which is all we had ever heard about before. This agency encourages contact before the birth, then ongoing contact forever after, generally including two to three visits a year. It took us a while to work through our fears and misconceptions about open adoptions.
While waiting to attend the orientation meeting at the agency, we read about, talked to others, and met parents involved in open adoptions. At the orientation we met both adoptive and birth parents and, by the end of that process, had turned full circle to where we not only wanted an open adoption but felt it was the best way to adopt.
The agency is fully supportive of all types of adoptive parents, including lesbian and gay couples. The agency's philosophy is to first help the expectant parents decide what they want through fairly intensive counseling. We were told that only one to two out of ten expectant parents decide to place but, because they have worked through so many issues prior to deciding to place and are sure about their decision, only one in ten placements is disrupted. The agency accepts all types of adoptive parents into their "pool" of waiting parents as long as the adoptive parents pass state requirements and are committed to openness before and after the adoption.
It is up to the expectant parents to choose with whom to place their child, and up to the adoptive parents to accept a placement. The bigger the diversity of the "pool," the more likely it is that expectant parents who are choosing to place a child will find a family that is right for them.
This felt right for a number of reasons. My partner and I could be out as a lesbian couple from the start. We wouldn't have to lie to the social worker, the parents, or the child, and we would be chosen for who we were. This also cut down the the "marketing" aspect that I find so difficult with many agencies and private adoptions. Because birth and adoptive families meet and generally get to know each other fairly well, there is less of a compulsion to gloss over parts of our lives and overly stress others. It's not that people out and out lie in other situations, but there can be lot of spin and marketing put into the pictures and letters and profiles of adoptive families. I wanted to be chosen for who we are.
© 2001, Leslie P.
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Hello all of you wonderful, educated, BRAVE mommies!
After reading, what seems like hundreds of threads, I feel like you gals could be most resourceful. I will try to keep this short...notice I said, "try". (smile)
My partner's nephew has been ward of the state of CA since 8/2008. Prior to foster care, he bounced from place to place with his birth parents while they fostered their drug habits. He will be 2 this December. My partner's brother, the baby's father, is a complete a total loser. He has seven children, all in the system. For the last year, him and the baby's mother have been homeless, using drugs, and running from the law...and she's pregnant with his number EIGHT! I think they still have parental rights but because they have not made any attempt at contact, let alone reunification, those rights are quickly slipping away. On 9-30-09, there is a court date to determine any progress that the two of them have made in regard to "parenting" this child.
The child's maternal grandma has kept us abreast on this entire nightmare and when she informed us that the child would soon be up for adoption, we jumped at the chance. We are only 2 weeks into the process but I am very much a planner/organizer and I need to know what to expect so I can properly plan emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, domestically, etc.
So far...we have talked to the child's case worker 3 times. She comes off very flat and we both feel rushed off of the phone which makes us nervous because we want her to like us. She originally stated that she wanted him placed with us before the court date but today when I talked to her, she had no time frame on anything. Our paperwork should (fingers crossed!) arrive tomorrow and we will complete it and fax it back to her immediately. I am aware that home and psychological assessments, as well as criminal history checks need to be completed but how long should we expect that to take? Is there anything we can do to expedite the process? What else can we do, in general?
I worry about finances because my partner and I are both in education and coming off of the summer vacation, our funds are LOW. Considering that this will be (I think) a kinship adoption, is there any type of financial support available to us? I asked the case worker today if we would be responsible for the cost of the assessments, background checks, etc. and she said no. Since we will be adopting the child out of the state, will they cover all costs? Will we be eligible for the one time reimbursement from the state? I am assuming that we will be responsible for travel and lodging right?
I am still trying to locate a support group that is lesbian-friendly and in the meantime...I have NO ONE to turn to for counsel, advice, venting, etc.
This is where you are come in....I hope you have room for one new (hopeful) mommy!
Thank you in advance, for everything.
Posted by: redanley at 07/13/2009 06:50 PM
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