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Transition from Orphanage to Home, Page 2

Practical Suggestions for Parents

While You Wait

1. Educate yourself about the effects of institutionalization on development.
   
   
2. Examine what expectations you have for your child, for yourself as a parent, and for your new family - and consider how realistic they are.
   
   
3. Try to get a clear understanding of the developmental stage / capabilities typical of the specific age of your child.
   
   
4. If your child is older than two years, try to learn some simple phrases in her/his native language.
   
   
5. Try to have ongoing contact during this waiting period – send pictures, letters... involve siblings in drawing pictures, etc.
   
   
6. Send or bring a transition object - a small stuffed animal, a blanket.Hopefully orphanage staff will share photos or letters with your child but they may not. You can ask them to send drawings if your child is older. This may not happen either but it doesn't hurt to ask.

Saying Goodbye at the Orphanage

1. Try to have time to say goodbye properly, not rushed. Bring something the child can give to caretakers.
   
   
2. Take pictures with an instant camera and give them to caretakers. Take photos of your child with caretakers, others children, the orphanage, and the town to take home.
   
   
3. Bring a transition object (in case the one you sent got lost).
   
   
4. Bring activities for the plane.

Transition at Home

1. Presume your child's development will be delayed in at least one area, maybe more. Early childhood specialists agree that there is about a 1 month delay for every 3 months in an institution.
   
   
2. Be aware that socially and emotionally your child may be operating on the level of a child younger than her/his chronological age.
   
   
3. Avoid sensory overload – keep gatherings low key, don't fill their room with "stuff."
   
   
4. Make sure you are the one doing all the "parenting" tasks such as bathing, feeding, putting to sleep - no matter how much grandparents or aunts/uncles want to do it.
   
   
5. Try to be fairly consistent with structure and routine.
   
   
6. If possible, allow your child to have a transitional object – a picture of friends from the orphanage, a stuffed dog or blanket you brought with you when you went to get them in their country.
   
   
7. If at all possible, take as much time as you can off from work to be with your child during this transition time, not just for the time you need to be in their country, but when you come home as well.
   
   
8. Remember that bonding doesn't "just happen." Provide experiences and interactions that will promote bonding.
   
   
9. Think about testing and finding appropriate school programs.
   
   
10. Again, give yourself and your child time to fall in love.

Next: Transcript of our chat with Guest Expert Rita Taddonio on this topic

© Rita Taddonio, CSW, SPARK Program, Spence-Chapin

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