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Traditions: Welcoming New Babies in Open Adoptions

10 Ways to Help Reassure and Include Your Placed Child

There are many ways to reassure your child of your love and commitment towards them. Here are just a few ways of helping them welcome the baby:

1. Let your child know that a new sibling is on the way. This is one time where surprises are not welcome. Letting them in on the news early in the pregnancy will give them time to emotionally prepare for the new baby. Some parents may want to wait until the fourth month to make sure that the possibility of miscarriage is past. How you handle this situation will certainly depend on the age of your child. Since Matt was already eight years old, I told him and his family right away. When two of my pregnancies ended in miscarriage, they were able to share my family's grief as well as feel the loss of thechild themselves. If in any doubt, discuss it first with your child's parents.
   
   
2. Include the other children in your child's adoptive family. If you are likeextended family with the adoptive family, it will be important to also include other children. When my daughter, Katarina, was born, Matt's sister,Nicole, told me that if Katarina was Matt's half-sister than she must be her half-sister too. It was a reminder to me that family is not always about genetic connections.
   
   
3. Keep them updated. Tape the first time you hear the heartbeat, send ultrasound pictures, let them know the first time the baby moves. Sharing thewonder with your child as the new baby grows inside you will also give you achance to talk about your pregnancy with them. Comparing food cravings andactivity levels is something all children find interesting, especially ifyour favorite foods come in really strange combinations.
   
   
4. Ask the child to create a work of art for the nursery. Send some goodpaper, markers or paints and a frame and ask your child to create a pictureto hang in the nursery. While it may not totally match the layette, it willcertainly be the most remembered piece in the room. If there are otherchildren in the family ask them to contribute as well.
   
   
5. Ask for wallet-sized pictures to put in a set of teething ring frames. Oneof the most enjoyable activities for babies is looking at faces. Who betterto look at then the faces of those you love? Put in Grandma and Grandpa andother family members as well. These teething rings are available at most toystores.
   
   
6. If possible, make the child a part of the naming process. When my daughter, Katarina, was born there was no question as to what her name would be... we had decided to name her after my husband's beloved grandmother. However, when an ultrasound determined that I was going to have a boy the third time around, we were not settled on any particular name. My husband and I decided to make Matthew and Katarina a part of choosing a name. Much to my dismay, Matthew claimed Noah was a "nerdy" name. My second choice, Gabriel, fared a little better, but I was finally outvoted and Daniel was so named, three against one.
   
   
7. Call the child and their family first after the baby is born. My son, Matthew, was the first person I called when both my children were born. Being the "first to hear the news" is an honor most children feel very good about.
   
   
8. Have a "birthday" party for the new baby. Invite your child and his/her adoptive family. Have a cake, hats, and a few simple decorations. If you will be doing this at the hospital, be sure to ask the staff before lighting any candles!
   
   
9. Give the child a card with the baby's foot prints. This is a special treasure, especially if you live a long way from them and they will not see the baby for a while.
   
   
10. If you are having a blessing, christening, naming, bris, or other ceremonythat welcomes the baby into your family or other community, consider making your child a part of it somehow. At Daniel's blessing, Katarina,Matthew, and Nicole were "light bearers" for the candle lighting ceremony. While it was only a small part, it was significant in having them dosomething together to welcome their new sibling.

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© Brenda Romanchik

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