Telling the Teachers: Adoption & School, Page 2
Part 2: The Argument Against There are several reasons parents may be reluctant to give teachers any information, including:
- Unwillingness to make adoption an "issue;"
- Teachers' expectations of the child may be lower, thereby not helping the child reach her full potential;
- Behavioral problems will be blamed on adoption;
- Their children can "pass" for biological;
- Their children don't yet have a good understanding.
Some parents are concerned that their children will be singled out as "different," that expectations may be different than those of non-adopted children, and that their children may be subjected to outdated stereotypes.
Curt Rice, an adoptive dad and author of
Fathers and Son, says that while he does plan to mention adoption later in the school year, he prefers that the initial teacher/student relationship be based on his son's demonstrated abilities and personality. He writes,
I don't want to provide a teacher with a label to use to dismiss various aspects of [my son's] personality or behavior. I find it totally plausible to imagine a random teacher reporting some problem behavior but then saying "Well, this is probably because he's adopted." If he has some behavioral issues, I would much rather try to figure out what they're really about, since I'm quite sure they're not about adoption.
Others feel that teachers as a group share commonly held prejudiced views of adoptees as "defective," i.e., troubled, vulnerable, or impaired. They cite studies that show how much teachers' beliefs affect students, and that a teacher's expectations (low or high) become the student's reality. They argue that the
value of telling, which may protect the child from the worst, most insensitive comments, needs to be weighed against the
high cost of telling, the risk of negative labeling becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Part 3: Ideas for Parents Some live in areas with a widespread awareness of adoption in schools, and others don't. Whether you choose to tell your children's teachers, leave it to your children to talk about it themselves, or take a "wait and see" attitude, there are some steps you can take at various times to ease your own concerns for your child, and offer assistance to teachers and schools.
- Before you enroll your child in a school (pre-school on up), ask about lesson plans. Find out if there are any projects planned that could present obvious difficulties for your child.
- Offer to make classroom presentations, with your child's permission. It is important for your child to know you will not talk about her but with her, and important to let teachers see this interaction.
How I Explained Adoption to the First Grade, by Amy Klatzkin, is a great example of how parents can talk to young students and involve their children.
- Bring information to your first parent-teacher conference. There are many fine resources for educators, books, and other other publications you can share.
© Nancy S Ashe
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