How to Talk to Kids About Adoption
Lots of adults talk to children about adoption: parents, teachers, doctors, friends, and family members. Children take their cues from adults so it's important to be aware of how we respond to questions and start discussions.
- Be truthful. If children sense you're hiding something, they could infer that there's something "bad" about adoption, and perhaps about them as well.
- Be positive. Make an effort to find something positive to say about people and experiences.
- Use words and concepts that are age appropriate.
- Don't answer more than is being asked. Resist the urge to answer with everything you know or with answers to questions that you think should be asked.
- If a question is asked casually, try to answer equally casually. If, however, you hear a tone of anxiety, take the time to give the question the attention it deserves.
- Use positive adoption language. Kids will pick up immediately on language that may show adoptees, adoptive parents, or birth parents in an unkind light.
- Don't wait for questions. Kids may not know how to put their questions into words.
- Make sure children know you are open to discussion and questions at any time and you should occasionally ask (keep it casual) if there's something they want to know.
- Always include love in your answers and comments.
- Keep a sense of humor. It's all right to laugh and enjoy discussions about adoption!
Tips: - If you are not comfortable answering children's questions or talking to them about adoption, read books on the subject, and ask for help from support groups, therapists, and others who have experience.
- Openness and honesty between parents and their children builds trust and a feeling of security. This applies to all families!
© Nancy S Ashe
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Comments
I agree. There are 7 adopted children in my family! We are multi-racial so there is no hiding it, and we are all proud! All of the children, being various ages when adopted, have participated in the new adoptions as much as possible and had all their questions answered. I even wrote a story for one of my sisters about when my mother and I flew to Vietnam to finalize paperwork and bring her home. She loves it because it shows just how special her becoming a part of our family is to me. She was an infant & I was 14 at the time of her adoption. Later when she was about 7 years old we had the chance to fly back to Vietnam. It was great, and the bond that I have with my younger siblings is special.
Posted by: biogirl81 at 01/19/2007 03:51 AM
We are very open about our kids' adoption. Kind of hard not to be when our two oldest ones remember their bparents and a bit of their life with them. ;)
But with our two youngest ones, who do not remember, we do make sure to discuss it from time to time.
I don't though make a huge deal out of it. Meaning, I don't make it the focus of our family. Adoption is how we became a family and it's a part of it, but it's not the only part.
Posted by: Crick at 03/14/2006 06:31 PM
Honesty in talking to children is extremely important. Children can sense when we are trying to "hedge" or get around a topic that they want to discuss. This can make them feel like the subject is wrong or off limits when it may just be that we are distracted at that moment. Be careful to give your complete attention to a child that is asking questions about adoption so as not to give them the idea that adoption is wrong or shouldn't be talked about. It is important to talk about adoption so that it loses some of the shame that is sometimes associated with it.
Posted by: culinary at 12/06/2005 06:44 AM
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