Stress-Buster Plans

Make Your Plan

Your first task in learning to make things better is to develop a personalized plan to minimize the negative effects of stress (yes, Virginia, there are positive effects).

Identify the causes

This can be done by going somewhere you find relaxing and where you can concentrate on the task at hand. Take a piece of paper (or a notebook) with you and try to identify the things (or people) that cause you to get upset. Write these down and add extra detailsif there are any. Some of these details might be: the times that you feel stress (certain days, at meal times, etc.), who is there at the time, and what is going on (doesn't mind me, arguing, ignoring me, etc.). This in itself can be harder than you think. Some things will come easily. Some will take more thought and insight to identify. Once you get started, you may wish that you had brought the notebook instead of a single piece of paper.

If sitting down and formally trying to come up with a list is too hard to do, youmight start carrying a notebook (or diary) with you and write the incidents down when they occur. Many times we tend to forget or gloss over things that bother us, particularly if we have had an 'eventful' busy day.

One extra bonus you get with this technique is that writing the items down seems to be therapeutic in itself, particularly if you write down what happened and how you felt about it. It's almost as if the list-making activity gives you more control over your life and, in fact, it does.

Another variation of this technique is to write down the hundreds of things we do'right' in our lives every day. This can be a very positive eye-opener for those whoclaim that they never do anything right or never have anything good happen to them.

Identify the effects

Another good thing to include with either of the above activities is to try to monitor your physical condition: note your stomach aches, headaches, body aches, muscle tension, or whatever occurs when you are under stress. Many times these are brought on or highly influenced by our emotional state of being. These emotions can cause some other symptoms that might not be so obvious such as changes in blood sugar, blood pressure, lower resistance to infections, colds, etc. So, think about your body. If you get tired more easily when you have to be around someone or do certain tasks, your body may be trying to tell you something.

Finding stress busters that work

There are many techniques to combat stress and they can be discovered at the library, by surfing the net, asking for advice from friends and family members, or interacting with that very large extended (but often dysfunctional) family: the talk shows. These resources should be added to your beginning inventory but eventually this list should also become very personal andonly include the things that make you relax.

Gather the Clan

A final part of your personal stress prevention plan is to identify those people around you who can give you support.

This support can be in the form of talking, listening, hanging out with you, giving advice, etc. These people could be family members, co-workers, other fosterparents, social workers, clergy, grocery clerks, the local court jester or village idiot, etc. Again, the key is to find those who help you relax or feel better.

This list can be a source of help to youwith the day-to-day stress that occurs, but also will be helpful at those times when you are under heavy pressure. At those times, your thinking might get a little muddled and it would be helpful to have a resource list of people already available that you can turn to for help. And even though a lot ofpeople don't want to get involved with the mental health profession, it may be necessary. So you may want to identify resources in the community by talking to others who have used counselors and have gotten good results.

Most of life's situations for usand our children are made better if we know what to expect and what our options are. However, somewhere along the way we have come to believe that stress is one of those things that just happens to us, that we have no control over it, that we have to suffer our fate, and so on. But Ibelieve that it is possible to soften its negative effect when we are actively involved in shaping our future.

Review the above and try out parts of it, shape it to your needs and lifestyle, share it with your kids, ask them what they do to reduce stress (they probably can add a lot of good ideas), and see if it doesn't help both of you.

Last but not least, always remember two old sayings: "If they're not stressed, you're not stressed," (and vice versa) and that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure". How true they are!

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