So You Want to Have Sex?

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Young birthmothers may be understandably reluctant to jump into new relationships. For those who are feeling particularly cynical, here's a new and eminently useful resource. [Note: May also be used as a tool for over-protective fathers...]

APPLICATION TO START A RELATIONSHIP
Name:
Age:
Address:
City, State, Zip:
Social Security Number:
Blood Type:
Driver's License No.:
Phone No:
If I call this phone number right now and ask to speak with you, will the person on the other end of the line know who I'm asking for?			yes	no
Do you think a man or a woman is responsible for protection? (If he says he will bring his own gun, he hasn't a clue. Move on to next candidate.)			answer:
If neither of us has protection, will you suggest "other ways to have fun" or will you accept the fact that there is no way any fun will be had tonight?			answer:
Will you accept it if I don't reach orgasm or will you attempt to drive me to the point of pain to prove your "manhood"?			answer:
Do you know what I mean when I say, "Let's just be friends?"			yes	no
What do you consider 'cheating'? (Any answer other than "I would never do that" is unacceptable because it means he has thought about pushing the boundaries.)			answer:
Do you have a strange attachment to your mother? (If her calls her 'Mommy' and still wears Underoos, move on to next candidate.)			yes	no
Do you believe a woman should be barefoot and pregnant?			yes	no
If I happen to call you two months from now, will you remember who I am?			yes	no
If I tell you I'm pregnant during that conversation, will you still remember who I am?			yes	no
If I discover I'm pregnant, will you deny that a relationship ever occurred between us?			yes	no
Will you insist that you could not possibly be the father because we used protection, I cheated on you, etc.?			yes	no
If I decide to make an adoption plan for this child, will you support my decision?			yes	no
Will you make yourself available to the child whenever necessary for answers to questions, current medical information, etc.?			yes	no
If you refuse to make yourself available to this child and he/she comes searching for you in 20 years, will you admit to being his/her father, or will you slam the door in his/her face?			answer:
Will you tell your family you fathered a child or will you hide it from them as if the child is a "dirty little secret"?			answer:
Please list your medical history, including any conditions your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles on both sides of your family have been diagnosed with. (Attach separate sheet as necessary.)			answer:
Will you agree to submit to a background check? (Any answer other than 'yes' will immediately disqualify you as a candidate for relationship.)			yes	no
Signature:
Date:
Please ask for inkpad to complete this portion of the application.
LEFT THUMB	LEFT INDEX	LEFT MIDDLE	LEFT RING	LEFT PINKY
RIGHT THUMB	RIGHT INDEX	RIGHT MIDDLE	RIGHT RING	RIGHT PINKY
Please make fingerprints clear as they will be checked against AFIS system at the Police Department.
Thank you for your interest in pursuing a relationship with me. You will be contacted as soon as your application is approved. Please do not call me. I will call you!

click here

Comments

Maja,

Sorry about the lack of clarity. I just got a little bit impassioned by the subject matter and didn't do a proper job of clarifying the basis for my position. It was not my intention to be condescending -- in fact, I was trying (albeit poorly!) to communicate my frustration with the tone of the article, but ended up having a similar tone in my post.

Posted by: backslash at 10/13/2005 03:18 PM

Then why didn't you say something about the stereotype it feeds into rather than going on about the choices that first parents need to make? Your post was pretty condescending as well.

Posted by: MajaHedman at 10/11/2005 02:55 PM

Thanks for the clarification! I know I wasn't completely clear on that, and I'm sure many others weren't either ... I think it's easier to jump to conclusions when confronted with different viewpoints about adoption, which can be both a loaded and touchy subject.

Posted by: astrophysics at 10/11/2005 01:29 PM

Just a quick note: This questionnaire was written by two young women who had placed their children for adoption - it was written as a way of talking about their own experiences - using humor (albeit cynical) to show the lack of support they received from the fathers of their children.

Posted by: NSAshe at 10/11/2005 10:39 AM

I was actually responding to the very condescending tone of the article, which was clearly geared towards only one type of birth mom -- the one that is single, young and, as implied by the article (and not by me!) too immature to figure out relationships for herself.

Of course there are many different types of birth parents -- some are in committed relationships, some are single, some are in their teens, early adult-hood, late adulthood or somewhere in between. This particular supposedly "whimsical" piece clearly feeds into a narrow-minded assumptions about why parents choose the option of adoption, and I was expressing my frustration with the stereotype it feeds into.

I guess I just think the tone of the article was ridiculous, and I know I would be insulted were I a birth mother or father, regardless of my relationship past, present or future and my reasons for choosing adoption.

Posted by: backslash at 10/11/2005 09:52 AM

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