Search Tips for Birth Parents
Warning: Searching Adoptee Scam Disclaimer: I am not a professional searcher. These tips and suggestions have been gathered from information sources on- and offline, which are annotated in the resources section at the end of the article.
Searching for adult birth children can be especially difficult for birth parents who may or may not be able to obtain much information. This article is written for both birth parents, however, unless the biological father's name is listed on the original birth certificate and a signed relinquishment form is on record, birth fathers' information requests may be denied. All information in this article pertains to search for an
adult birth child. If you are interested in contacting a minor birth child in a closed adoption through his/her adoptive parents, please read
Opening a Closed Adoption.
Know Yourself Read some
good books and
online information about searching, the emotional impact, and reunion. Be sure you feel comfortable with your reasons and the
kind of search you want to do:
- Passive Search: A passive search is one where you make every effort to place the information you have about the adoption in places where it can be found by your searching birth child. Many birth parents believe that timing for initiating a reconnection should be left to the adoptee, and choose this option.
- Active Search: An active search is one in which you actively pursue avenues to find information about your birth child's current name and location. This does not necessarily mean that you will be the one to initiate contact, but it might give you the ability to do so, if you choose.
Know The Law Make yourself familiar with the
law regarding release of non-identifying and identifying information in the state where the adoption was finalized. If the state where you are searching has a Confidential Intermediary Program, contact them to find out costs and procedures.
Start a Journal It's very easy to forget where you've registered, people you've asked for information, and details that may not seem to mean anything.
Write down everything, no matter how insignificant. And use your journal to record your own thoughts as you search. This can help jog your memory and solidify your thoughts, as well as provide a record of some of the things you may want your birth child to know if and when you do reconnect.
Start Close to Home Write down everything you remember or think you remember about the entire adoption process: names, dates, places. Then ask family and friends who were with you at the time to tell you all
they remember... and write it all down, even the information that doesn't match with your own recollections. As you move forward with your search, these differences may turn out to be valuable clues.
© Nancy S Ashe
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Comments
testing my comment
Posted by: Leelu at 08/01/2008 10:04 AM
This article certainly will be a good starting point for the many that have decided to search for their children or children that have decided to search for their first parents.
It's interesting to me that, because of the nature of "birth" in general, it's harder for a father to search for his biological children than a mother. Because it is always obvious that a woman has given birth, the "proof" that she is the mother of a child is pretty indisputable. However, I'm aware that in some (and certainly not all!) cases, a mother that gives a child up for adoption either does not inform the father, or in some cases, does not know with absolute certainty who the father of her child is. Therefore, sometimes when years later, a woman decides to tell the person who is the father or she assumes to be the father, and he tries to search, he is unable to "prove" his relationship (without paternity testing). I'm certain that there are plenty of fathers searching for children out there that have run into obstacles because of the difficulty of proving years later that they are indeed the fathers of children. Even in cases where the mother is absolutely certain who the father is, you can't go back in time, and as this child grows up, enters adulthood, etc., it often becomes even harder to locate him/her. It's so rare to hear stories of fathers that have reunited with their biological children after years of separation, I'm sure because of the exclusion of their names or identities from birth records, etc., but I know there are those out there that have been successful. I'm sure there are similarly many men out there that would be searching if they knew, but they just never found out. To me, it's sad to think about that, because they didn't get a chance to form an opinion about a reunion or to make any sort of decision in the first place about the choice of adoption.
Posted by: bandstand at 10/13/2005 10:19 AM
Searching for birthfamily can be a scary experience. There are so many unknowns. But don't let the fear stop you if that's what you have decided to do.
Posted by: astrophysics at 10/05/2005 09:50 AM
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