Risk in Domestic Infant Adoption

Defining Risk

Legal-risk placement is defined as placement of a child in a prospective adoptive home before relinquishment papers have been signed. However, in today's world of pre-adoption matching and/or contact between expectant / biological parents and those adopting, risk often becomes a factor long before the actual placement in the home.

What is the risk?

What we call risk is the chance that the adoption will not move forward through to finalization. Reasons for this may include:
  1. having made an initial decision to relinquish, expectant/biological parents subsequently choose to parent their child;
  2. legal consents required cannot be obtained;
  3. after an initial choice of adopting parents, others are ultimately chosen;
  4. the baby does not survive.
However, the first of these is generally the one most commonly referenced, and the first expressed among prospective adoptive parents.

While we may know logically that making the choice to parent is the ideal outcome for families and wish them well, the abrupt end to our own hopes for this particular adoption, can be emotionally devastating. This can manifest itself as depression, grief, and even anger.

"...then a week before the baby was to arrive, she decided to parent the child. What a heartache. We have never felt so much pain and anger. We are not angry at her by any means, just at the situation."

How do you know?

With very few exceptions, there is no way to know for sure that an adoption will finalize, even though most do. However, before extending yourself to the limits of your emotional (and perhaps financial) involvement and commitment to an expectant / biological family and a particular child, taking a look at what many researchers and professionals consider "risk factors" can be an important step.

If you decide to go ahead with a particular adoption opportunity that falls through, there may be no way to avoid feelings of loss and grief. But, if you understand the risks involved, you may gain a greater insight into motivations and family situations that can help you better support the decision of expectant / biological parents, and to recover your emotional strength.

How great is the risk?

Risk in adoption - legal, emotional, and financial - can often appear confusing to those approaching adoption for the first time. Comments from adopting parents indicate that many have not been given explanations of general risk factors and/or a clear understanding of risks involved in their individual situations.

Ask Questions

It's imperative that prospective adoptive parents ask questions when information seems hazy or incomplete. Often, adoption professionals will take an absence of questions to mean that their clients already understand, when this may not be the case. However, it isn't always easy for first-time adopters to know what questions to ask, and where the risks might lie.

Next Page

Comments

[QUOTE=mel]Can you help me with the risk? It would rip me apart to get this child and someone try and take it away from me later.
Thanks
mel[/QUOTE]

Very few adoptions come with no risk. There are many things you can do to lower the risk. Working with a good agency or attorney, on both sides, will for sure help.

Please don't make a rash decision. Prepare yourselves for adopting a child that isn't biologically related to you. Agencies will help you know when you are ready to let the infertility go and embrace adoption. It's best for the child to be ready for them.

Have you read Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnston?

Posted by: Jen at 12/21/2005 02:16 PM

I've known lots of couples to give in to pressure to keep a child, even when they were not sure it is the best thing for everyone. I think it is realistic to assume that if the girl sticks with her adoption plan, the girl's mother will be the one to adopt. If that turns out not to be the case, then you can be pleasantly surprised. No matter how old this girl is, if her mother does not respect the girl's right as a mother to determine what's best for her baby, it will be hard for her to carry through.

Posted by: admiral at 12/02/2005 03:56 PM

My husband and I have been going threw infertlity for four years and still have not been successful. We at times have considered adoption but have been discussed at the dead ends we run in too. We were recently contacted by a girl that is four months pregnant and is wanting to give her baby up for adoption. I have talked with her several times and her decision is made. Her mother is against it and is at all times trying to talk her out of it.I would love to adopt this child and I would take it with open arms. I would love it as it was my bio child. I have always had a great love for children. If I adopted I would want it to be an open adoption. Can you help me with the risk? It would rip me apart to get this child and someone try and take it away from me later.
Thanks
mel

Posted by: mel at 12/02/2005 09:55 AM

Risks in adoption is one of the horrors that many people think of when they think about adoption. Whether it is the risk of not relinquishing or another problem, it is very important for prospective parents know that there is a risk of this. Remember that it is the birth family's child first. If they decide to give the child to you, then that is wonderful. If they decide not to, then try to accept it as the best decision for the child and birth family. Although it may be very difficult, it is part of the process.

Posted by: culinary at 12/01/2005 03:40 PM

View all comments (4)

Add Your Comments!

We want to know what you think. Your comments are important to us and the other readers. You are what makes this site special.

You must be logged in to comment

You must be registered to post. Register here | Forgot your password?