Reunion: Hearts on the Line, Page 5
Isolation That night in bed: "David?"
He responded: "Mmmmm. . .?"
"I feel like I want to crawl inside you and just be with you."
He huffed a low laugh. "Like an alien?"
"Yes." I felt sadly disappointed with his analogy. "Like an alien."
That's exactly how I felt. Like an alien. And I thought that, by crawling inside him, I could be a part of him, like the others.
***
A week passed. Dressed daily in the same flannel shirt, a hand-me-down from my husband, and faded stretch pants punctuated with bulky socks, I was paralyzed. Together we had waited twenty years for our family to be complete; I had expected she'd accept all of us. I secretly took time off from work as I attempted to assimilate my subjective feelings with what I objectively sensed to be a better response. Although I told myself my isolation was self-inflicted, my notes went unanswered, my photos only acknowledged to the one who hadn't sent them.
Because David works long hours, they e-mailed during the week. As questions were answered, more questions seemed to surface. Although David was patient, I became annoyed.
"How much does she need to know? Why does she want to know THAT?"
David asked me to try to put myself in her position, which I did, but I was having trouble understanding.
When Kerri thanked him for the photos and the vignettes, David asked her if she "saw herself in any of those people." Anticipating an animated response, he was surprised with a flat "Not really."
Most of the questions involved discrepancies. Kerri wondered why Kathy would tell her that David had no knowledge of her, or why she would say that he had moved to New York and there was no point in looking for him as she'd never find him there. He and Kathy had not seen each other since the train ride. He was sure she had no knowledge of him after that. As they corresponded, they discovered that dates didn't match. His age was not the same as had been documented on her papers. Kerri sent photographs and, although we stretched to find a match for her features, even with distant relatives, they didn't look alike. They didn't act alike. They didn't think alike. Kerri suggested that they undergo DNA testing "just to be sure," to which David responded, "You watch too many talk shows on TV." Secretly, he had his doubts too, but we had decided to keep those thoughts to ourselves -- at least for the time being. Emotions were already running rampant, and David felt that he should take responsibility now for his irresponsibility long ago.
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Comments
What a sad story of a "reunion." I feel for Kerri that she will never know her father. I ache for this man who had for twenty five years carried around the guilt of giving a child up for adoption and then finding out that he had not fathered a child at all. What an emotional upheaval this must have caused for Kerri, her adoptive parents, and this couple who thought she was going to become part of their lives. This story should show readers that even though we think we have the story about our birth, that sometimes it may not be true and we should be careful in our search.
Posted by: culinary at 12/01/2005 03:59 PM
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