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Preparing Children for Court, page 7

Part 4: To Do & Not To Do

More of this Feature •Part 1: Learn the Procedures •Part 2: Learn the Players •Part 3: In Advance •Part 4: To Do/Not To Do •CHAPTER I

For Trials and Other Hearings

1. Keep in touch with the players so that you will know when and where the hearing will be held, if you have to be there, what time, or if you have to do anything special.
2. Be sure and let the child know what's going on. Even if they don't have to go to the hearing, they should know that one is scheduled. This will probably cause some anxiety but it will probably be less than ifthey come home from school and the Court's decision is "sprung" on them from "out ofnowhere."
3. If the child does have to testify, you may not be permitted in the courtroom when thatoccurs. Make sure the child knows this and is prepared. Also, expect the unexpected. Eventhough you are not subpoenaed, you may be called to testify or to assist the child in the hearing. When going to court, assume nothing and you will not be disappointed.
4. At the end of the day, if not before, thank the child, regardless of the outcome. Court involvement is hard on adults but it is more bewildering and intimidating for children. Give them your support.

Things to Avoid

1. At all stages of this process be truthful, never lie.
2. Don't make promises you can't keep. No one knows how a court hearing will turn out,so don't say, "He'll go to jail for what he did"... "You'll never have to see him again" or "If you just tell them this once, you will never have to talk about it again."
3. Don't criticize any parties in the case or indicate that you think that they are a bad person. It's OK to say that the behavior was bad. An example would be to say, "Your father did a cruel thing to you," rather than "Your father was cruel when he did that to you". The difference is subtle but one attacks the behavior, the other attacks the person. Many neglected/abused children still feel affection for their abuser and attacking them may increase your child's feelings of guilt,confusion, worthlessness, etc. Also, from a very practical viewpoint, the child may repeat your words in court. Not a good thing to happen in a potentially adversarial setting.
4. If the child talks to you about the abuse, avoid using leading questions and accusatory questions such as, "Tell me how your Dad abused you".
5. Do not give the child gifts or rewards for testifying. It's not only all right but a good practice to praise them for testifying and telling the truth but a gift might give the outside appearance that you were influencing their testimony.
6. If you keep any notes or records about the case, do not let the child see them. This also will give the appearance that you are trying to influence their testimony.

A final note...

And finally, a word about the people we live with... our families. The above situation will not only alter your life but the lives of others in your family as well. Obviously, there will be stress from the hearing and all the feelings that are conjured up by it. But you will find that even simpler things, like missed meals or less time to spend with your family will become "larger than life" issues and may pull you closer together or tear away at your inner strength. Take time to recognize that this might happen and keep it in perspective if it does.

A court hearing, and the decisions made there, will be far-reaching but for the most part the extra stress will pass in ashort period of time. Hopefully, the above will help you through it.

> > Page 1, 2, 3, 4 CHAPTER I

© Emil Baldwin, Jr., LSW

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