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Prepare to Search

Being prepared doesn't just mean having a computer and an endless supply of paper and pencils. Adoption search requires a commitment in time, emotions, and even money that can be overwhelming. Take the time to prepare carefully.

1. Know why you are searching. Make sure the potential gain outweighs the possible upheaval in all lives, your own included.
2. Try not to have expectations.
3. Read, read, read. Read what others have written about adoption searches, about reunion, about success, and about failure.
4. Organize before you start. Get a notebook or make a file on your computer where you will keep everything related to your adoption search.
5. Know the laws regarding identifying and non-identifying (non-ID) information in the state / country where the adoption was finalized and where relinquishment papers were filed (if different).
6. Start with yourself and your family and friends. Write down everything you know and they know and remember about the adoption.
7. Decide whether you want your adoption search to be 'passive' (you want to be found) or 'active' (you want to find).
8. Register with the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR). This is the largest free mutual consent registry in the world and accessible to those who are online and those who are not.
9. Join adoption search support groups. There are excellent online and local groups all over the world.
10. Decide if you want to search yourself with the help of volunteers, or if you want to use professional search help. Look to your support groups for referrals and recommendations for both.
11. Do not limit your adoption search activities to the Internet! There are many ways to use the Internet to assist in your search, but time-tested offline search should always be part of your plan. Remember... not everyone uses a computer!
12. Keep a healthy skepticism about offers of help and easy solutions from people you do not know. Unfortunately, scams exist.
13. Keep your sense of humor. When you are unable to laugh at yourself, that's a good sign you may be taking it too seriously. Your life will continue if your search is unsuccessful. Make sure you have the ability to enjoy it.
14. Seek professional counseling if you find yourself losing your emotional balance.

Tips:

1. Some places to start gathering information are the hospital where birth occurred and the agency (public or private) that handled the adoption.
2. Individual social workers and nurses may also be able to help.
3. Attorneys, doctors, and the County court where the adoption was finalized and/or relinquishment papers were filed are excellent resources.

© Nancy S Ashe

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