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Post-Adoption Resources

A recent email from an adoptive parent in a crisis situation sent me running to experts for advice. This parent was considering the dissolution of the adoption of one of the two Russian sisters she had adopted and her message was a cry for help.

Pre-Adoption Education Isn't Enough

While pre-adoption education, training, support, and networking with adoptive parents gives those approaching adoption a good base of knowledge and theoretical experience, the sad fact is that many do not take advantage of opportunities, and others are not even presented with those options.

Even when comprehensive pre-adoption training and education are available and we sit through each and every class, how many of us hear only half of what the pre-adoptive instructors are saying... because we "just know that it will be different for us, after all, isn't love enough?" One of my friends puts it this way:

"We are so bent on being parents that we are totally convinced we can handle anything that comes our way. Too often, we have our ideal child in our hearts and honestly cannot get past that when reality slaps us in the face. We also hear the words - 'your child may hoard food' for example - and the pre-adoptive parent is hearing, 'oh, the child is hungry, maybe he/she will swipe a banana in the middle of the night.' The reality is that the child cleans out the kitchen in the middle of the night, hides old food all over his/her room, puts wrappers and pop cans down heating vents... and you end up with a trashed house, horrendous odors, and bugs!!"

Beyond that, sometimes even the best pre-adoption classes and support cannot prepare parents for extraordinary situations requiring extraordinary parenting skills. Thus, it's left to post-adoption service providers to rise to the challenge.

Don't Wait for a Crisis

Post-adoption service providers are not just for crisis intervention. They should be part of the preparation for every adoption. In the case of infant adoption, post-adoption parenting support groups may be the place to start. In the case of older child adoption, arrangements for post-adoption counseling, education, or more intensive therapy will be part of your preparations while you wait. Whatever the situation, post-adoption support should be in place so that you and your family aren't the ones who wind up with no place to turn in a crisis.

Resources For Everyone

In this particular case, I asked a group of knowledgeable adoption professionals, birth and adoptive parents, and adoptees for their suggestions. Starting with their recommendations, we're building a list of post-adoption resources. I encourage you to email me with your own additions to this list in order to build a comprehensive resource for our community.

Types of Post-Adoption Services State Social Services/Child & Family Services Most states either provide access to their own or contracted counseling, consulting, and referral services for adoptive families and helplines for families in crisis. Contact your state adoption office for more information. Private Agencies If you adopted through a private agency, take advantage of every post-adoption resource they can provide. Many agencies offer post-adoption counseling with members of their own staff, and they should certainly be in a position to provide referrals. Hopefully, the agency you selected does offer comprehensive post-adoption services. Independent Support and Counseling Groups In the case of infant adoptions, you may feel an adoptive parent support group is enough. When joining a group in your area, look for one that has counselors or therapists as group organizers or members, or offers a system of referrals to find the help you need. Private Therapists Although the number isn't overwhelming, adoption therapists can be found across the country. Ask members of your support group, private and public adoption agencies, or others for referrals. Residential Treatment Some situations cannot be handled in the home and residential treatment programs may be an option. Respite Care These are programs to provide parents of special needs children with short-term relief from what may be overwhelming stressful situations. Unfortunately, they are not consistently available when they might be most needed. Specific Disorder/Illness Treatment Children and adults with specific disorders or illnesses may require specialized treatment.

Special Thanks: To all who answered my initial call for help, a very special thank you.

If there isn't an agency or support group where you live:

• Join an online group, and
• Locate post-adoption services within driving distance, make an appointment, and introduce yourself and your family situation. Establish a relationship so that you can call on them when needed, or make arrangements to travel the necessary distance on a regular basis.
• Take advantage of counseling services offered by phone. Several adoption therapists provide this service just for people like you!
• Consider forming a group of your own.

Post-adoption services are by no means available only for adoptive parents and families. There are services and groups for adult adoptees, birth parents, and other family members on both sides as well - individually and as families or groups.

See our Listing of Post-Adoption Resources

More Resources from our Editor

• Adoptive Parenting Resources
• Agencies, Professionals and Groups by State
• Child & Youth Issues
• Discussion Boards
• Email List Groups
• International Health Concerns
• Special Parenting Skills

Recommended Reading

• "Post-Adoption Services"
  Completion of the adoption process can be just the beginning of the need for support, guidance, and other services, by Vera I. Fahlberg, MD.
• Tips on Selecting an Adoption Therapist
  Advice from the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse on things to consider when seeking professional help.
• "Understanding Adoption Therapy"
  A look at the reasons why adoptive parents might seek adoption therapy, by Amy Stevens, M.Ed., M.S., from Roots & Wings.
• "When You Need Help"
  Information to help identify signals such as child behavior, changes within the family and external pressures that can lead to situations requiring outside help.

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