Ready for Adoption?           - Select One - Learn More Looking to Adopt? Pregnant, Need Help? Waiting Families Want to Adopt? Click here.

Click here to be helped in California! Pregnant? Click here.

Our Daughter's Russian Family, Page 6

My Letter

Because I am aware that Russian society's attitude toward adoption is much more secretive than ours, and giving up a child may be seen as shameful, I did not speak of adoption in my letter. I spoke instead of travelling in Russia last summer, and that I heard from a gentleman "our families might be related" and then going into some detail on mine and my husband's work, interests, health, and relatives, many of whom did emigrate from eastern Europe. A stranger intercepting the letter, or even a family member (though I can't believe any family member was unaware of the mom carrying a seven and a half pound baby to term, and staying several days in the hospital after birth) would not be able to tell I was giving information on a relinquished child and her family. What little I said about Ilka was just the year she was born and that she is a "blessing" to us.

My child, who was hers first, was a second reason. I believe information about her heritage is important both for physical and emotional reasons. I want her to be able to fill in that patient form that asks for family medical history in a doctor's office sometime, somewhere, for whatever preventative or diagnostic help that might afford her. I want her to know that the shape of her nose, or her sensitive skin came from her mom's side, or dad's or whatever. I want her to know what her parents' interests and talents are or were, and no amount of scrutiny of her by me will change my wish for her to be able to know that, or the value of that to her.

ERIC AND ILKA ELENA Photo used with permission

Maybe she will never want to know anything, and that's ok too, (though I'm sure I'll ruefully think "well, she really is different genetic stock than need-to-know-everything me.") The odds are, though, she will. The reality is most (best estimates seem to be over 80%) of adopted children do eventually search.

But most pertinent now, I want to be able to say, if and when she expresses what I'll see as a very natural and healthy interest in her heritage, including birth relatives, "Honey, I tried. I reached out in every way possible, and I did it right away, before people had time to move away or die or forget. I tried. I recognized what you're asking about is information that is precious and rightfully yours. It was my duty as your loving guardian, and adoptive mother, to seek for you what you were too young to seek yourself, and what would probably disappear if I waited til 'you were old enough to ask.'"

Adoption Profiles

Eli & Stacey We are a teacher (Eli) and a nonprofit fundraiser (Stacey), loving husband & wife, and devoted Aunt & Uncle. We cherish all these roles..but the one... [more] other adoption profiles | add your profile A service of Adoption Profiles, LLC