Open Adoption: A True Life Experience

Adoption is a loving option for parents who are not ready for the responsibility of parenting or for parents who want a better life for their child than they can provide. In "open" adoption the secrecy of years gone by is replaced by trust between the adopting couple and the birthparent/s. For the birthmother, being able to stay in contact with her child is a significant change from handing her baby over to a social worker and knowing she will never see her child again. Open adoption allows the child to know s/he has two sets of parents who love her, the "real" Mommy and Daddy who are parenting her and the birthparents who loved her enough to choose a better life for her.

My husband and I speak from personal experience. Our lengthy, expensive and emotionally painful time spent with infertility treatments and surgeries led us to the decision to form our family through adoption. We sought counsel from a well-known attorney in a distant city, went home from that meeting feeling excited and hopeful, and set about to create a "networking" letter that would help us find our baby.

Three months later we received a phone call from an attorney in Southern California, who represented a birthmother who had heard about us from a friend of a friend of ours.

Thus began our adventure in parenting and our entry into the world of adoption. As a result of our experience, I decided that I would dedicate the balance of my legal career to independent adoption. I officially opened my practice on January 1, 1986, and that is when my real education about "open" adoption began.

When our daughter Elizabeth was born in 1985, we fancied ourselves highly informed and enlightened regarding "open" adoption. We readily agreed to keep in touch with her birthmother by corresponding with her on an annual basis and exchanging pictures.

Thus she was able to see for herself that her child was safe and well- loved. Our correspondence relationship evolved into three or four times a year, and she sent us pictures of her family as well. This continued for more than seven years.

In the meantime my adoption legal practice grew and so did my knowledge of birthmothers and their psychological needs. Through my law practice I began networking with other professionals interested and involved in the adoption field. I expanded my understanding of the psychology of the adopted child and parenting adopted children.

Comments

We know a couple who used Nanci as their adoption attorney and they were involved in an adoption scam. Nanci told this couple she would perform extensive background checks on the birth mother, charged them $7,000 and sent them across the country. When they arrived at their destination, about 24 hours before their baby was supposed to be born, there was no baby. There was no pregnant birth mother and they were out $20K. To make matters worse Nanci claimed no wrong doing and the couple did not hear from her again. The eventually contacted her to try and get their money back and what they received from her was a bunch of religious rhetoric about how as a church going christian she takes people at their word and in this case she was scammed to. She is a pathetic human being. Read all about it.
http://www.rocklintoday.com/news/templates/community_news.asp?articleid=6242&zoneid=4
http://www.sacbee.com/crime/story/958106.html
http://cbs13.com/local/adoption.fraud.auburn.2.730418.html
http://houston.fbi.gov/dojpressrel/pressrel08/ho05222008.htm
http://www.caller.com/news/2008/may/22/alice-woman-arrested-adoption-fraud-again/
http://www.auburnjournal.com/detail/84999.html
http://www.khou.com/news/local/crime/stories/khou080521_tj_adoptionscam.17ed30c6.html

Posted by: ks92373 at 06/25/2008 10:53 AM

Although this is not possible in all cases, this story just helps to emphasize the impact on a child from knowing where and who they come from. An adopted child may not even realize that they are feeling this way, but they may always feel as if a piece of themself is missing if their adoptive parents are not open and honest with them. Even small babies know when their parent is not there. They do not know how to communicate it, but they do realize when their primary caregiver is not there. This story shows none of the fear that is usually associated with an adopted child meeting and having a relationship with their birth family. They have showed great love and respect for their child and the birth family.

Posted by: jmrodg at 11/29/2005 01:33 PM

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