On The Outside Looking In - Adoption Search
Part 1: The Forgotten PeopleConcern about the effects of adoptees' search and reunion on their partners and family members has motivated an adoptee and search-and-reunion counselor to undertake a new research project. 
Adopted in the 1940s in England, Nic Tregaskes had all the information needed to locate his birth family when he was 19 years old, but put off searching until 1994 when his adoptive mother died. In 1996, a two-year search culminated in reconnection with his birth family.
For as long as they have known one another, Eve Tregaskes has known her husband had been adopted. She supported his search, and encouraged the reunion, but only recently have she and Nic talked about the effect this has had on her, and the changes she has noticed in Nic that began around the time of that first reconnection.
Eve says,
"At first we would tell each other what we had discussed... but after a while he wouldn't tell me a lot and I began to feel like an outsider. It became hard to talk to him without my feeling he wasn't interested..." [Eve's complete remarks can be found on
page 3 of this article.]
Searching for information about other life partners (and/or family members) of adoptees who he felt must have similar - or different - experiences, Nic was surprised to find little or no documented research. He decided to do his own.
No One KnowsIt isn't exclusive to members of the adoption community, but so frequently we hear comments on our
forums such as
"Unless you walk in my shoes, you don't know how I feel" or
"If you aren't an adoptee / adoptive parent / birth parent you can't understand." But is this why those around us may feel left out during and after search and reunion, or are some (or many or all) of us - in this case adoptees - doing something consciously or unconsciously that actively excludes our spouses or partners?
This is what Nic Tregaskes hopes to discover. By talking to spouses and partners of adoptees who have searched and reunited or who are in the process, he hopes to learn about the effects (or not, as the case may be) of these processes on
them - those he calls
The Forgotten People, and to identify commonalties and specific differences that may explain why a spouse/partner might feel included, excluded, or forgotten entirely.
Next page >
How to Participate > Page 1,
2,
3 Photo is the personal property Nic Tregaskes, used with permission
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