Natasha at Home - A Post-Adoption Journal
09-Feb-2001When Natasha first came home, she explored everything. Everything was new and very, very exciting. She was very easily over stimulated. This exploration lead to a few exciting moments.
Man she moves fast..
"Please don't clean the toilet with Mama's hair brush"
"Put down that steak knife"
"Stop trying to open bottle of drain cleaner with your mouth"
"Lip stick is not for drawing pictures on your body"
Anyway I discipline her with holding time. I don't yell "no" or "bad girl". I tell her that things like "it is mean to hit dog". Or "it is bad to kick". I have been using simple sentences with her. Her English is improving. In other words, I am trying not to label her as the bad girl.
I grab her and carry her to quiet area. I sat on the floor with my legs crossed. I hold Natasha in my arms like a baby. I have to hold her arms, legs and watch out for her teeth. I keep making eye contact.
Natasha normally starts crying. Then there is a moment... It just feels right. I start talking to Natasha and help her regain control of her emotions.
I started by forcing her to look at me. Sometimes I hold her face still to force the eye contact. Then I asked her "are you ready to talk?"
She almost always says "yes". If she doesn't response to the question I start rocking and humming to her. When she does not response to my question, she is normally deep into her crying. I then say things like "remember to breath". Then I take a deep breath. Normally Natasha responses by taking a deep breathe. Then I tell her things like "Natasha is a good girl" and repeat what I said earlier "it is bad to kick".
If Natasha says “yes” she is ready to talk. I look her in the eyes and tell her that I have to be the mean Mama and tell her the truth. It is bad to kick. I get her to agree that it is bad to kick. Then I release her from the hold and give her a hug. Normally she is sitting in my lap and is very relaxed. I lay my hand on the side of her face and say thing like “you are my daughter"... “you are Natasha”.... “I love you Natasha”..... “you are a good person"... “good people do bad things but that does not make them bad”...”Max (the dog) loves you”…..
This has been working very well for me.
Angie and Natasha
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