Mentoring by Modem
By Julee NewbergerReprinted by permission from
www.connectforkids.org.
David Ahlgren entered foster care at 14, when his mother died and his father was unable to cope with raising eight children. David, his two brothers and five sisters were moved from their home in Guam to five different U.S. states, where they would live apart until their time in foster care ended. Then they would be on their own.
At 18, after living in a Moore, Oklahoma foster home, David "aged out" of foster care, and was literally left on a street corner with his personal belongings. "I had no medical support, no financial support, and I worked three or four jobs during the summer and two during the school year to survive," Ahlgren says.
Ahlgren came up with the money to attend Central Oklahoma University thanks in large part to a scholarship from the Orphan Foundation of America, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping young people move out of foster care and into adult life.
The foundation also hooked him up with an "eMentor" named Tim Robinson, a Virginia computer engineer with whom he corresponds about work, school and everyday issues. For Ahlgren, a junior majoring in business administration, the mentor means as much as the money.
"With foster care we might be able to get help as far as housing and finances," Ahlgren says, "but as far as one person who's there for you, saying I'm here, saying happy birthday ... it's one of those missing pieces in our life."
Robinson first learned about the Orphan Foundation's eMentoring program from a newspaper story about the nearly 20,000 kids aging out of foster care each year, and about how these young people are more likely than other kids to end up unemployed or dependent on public assistance.
The eMentoring program fits in well with Robinson's work and family schedule. Unlike talking on the phone or through instant messaging, he and Ahlgren can check in whenever they want and not risk being interrupted.
"It's been very good for both of us," says Robinson, who is married with an 11-year-old daughter. "It's made me aware of certain issues concerning young adults, particularly orphans, and helped me to formulate better ideas about parenting."
One thing he's learned is how to demonstrate "firm patience" with his daughter. "David has helped me understand that kids don't need to be coddled, they need strong guidance to help them plan for the future."
In many cases, eMentors end up providing support in different aspects of their students' lives. Kathy Moore, a speech-language pathologist with a 21-year old daughter, has mentored two young women, one with a child of her own. She found herself offering not only professional but child-rearing advice. Moore believes this was easier by e-mail than it might have been in a face-to-face meeting.
"Kids these days are so tuned into e-mail," Moore says. "It's less threatening to open up in e-mail than to talk in person." Moore also appreciates the convenience of being able to log on whenever she has time. "You can do it at 11 o'clock at night," Moore says.
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