Kinship Care and Strings Attached

Originally published in the Winter 2002 Issue of Fostering Families TODAY, reprinted by permission

My wife recently expressed to me her desire to swoop over Afghanistan rescuing orphaned young people, bringing to America as many as she could gather. Her heart has always been tender towards young children, especially babies and toddlers in horrendous situations such as is the plight of all Afghan children today.

Indeed, as foster/adoptive parents, our hearts hurt for the young people of this war-torn, or any war-torn, impoverished and disease-ridden nation. We would love to comfort fears and dry tears as great terror, loss and grief is expressed. And we do. Some of us have gone through adoption agencies such as Holt International. Others may have initiated private adoptions domestically while for yet others, such as Diane and I, the genesis of adoption was through fostering for a public agency. Some of us are strictly foster parents with no desire to adopt at all. In any event, our hearts are bent towards the unfortunate children who are experiencing their own terror and grief, even if they didn't come from the opposite end of the globe, but just from the other side of town.

As an ex-Iowa Department of Human Services worker and a former foster care specialist for a private agency, I have interacted with myriad foster children of all ages and foster/adoptive parents who do their best to love them. Some of those with whom I've worked have taken in as foster children their own nieces/nephews, brothers/sisters, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. The mandates of PUBLIC LAW 96-272 dictate that the placing worker MUST first attempt to place a child in a relative home and document in the case permanency plan why that was not an option.

Kinship care, theoretically, is the best option when a child must leave the parental home. As a worker, I was not always privy to the "next of kin" when a court order was issued. And many times, for whatever reasons, the parents did not want their child going into a relative's care.

Moreover, I have heard workers and foster parents verbalize that "the nut doesn't fall very far from the tree," meaning if a parent is "messed up," then the whole family of origin must have major problems. In some cases, this may be true, but an overgeneralization of such is always inappropriate. I have witnessed many devoted and committed aunts and uncles, grandparents and other family members give 150% to helping wayward youth get back on track. Whether or not the "new addition" will choose to do so is neither here nor there. These caregivers believed it was their "ministry" to do this. After all, family is family. They will rest assured they did the best they could to positively influence a young life.

I currently have a 14-year-old nephew in foster care less than an hour away. My brother, long separated from the mother of his child who was NOT given custody, did not want his son getting a "reward" for misbehavior by living with me, his favorite uncle. It has been 30-some months and Shawn is still in care, possibly looking at being adopted by his new family. Yes, it saddens all of us that events took this turn. However, I also believe that Shawn is being well cared for and doing much better with a greater chance of life success with the structure and guidance in his new environment (and his father reluctantly and sadly agrees). Would he choose to do as well in my home had Dad agreed to let him come here? Honestly... I don't know. Given the more street-wise, delinquent boys I have had in my home, Shawn might have gotten eaten alive. Ideally, adopted or not, the new family would allow all of us to keep contact. Currently, this is not happening and is explained away by the phrase "best interest of the child."

While my brother may have his issues, he loves his son. My family also loves him and has never been anything but nurturing and loving towards him. We are not monsters that will harm him, but generous and affectionate kin desiring only to help him be the best he can be. We miss him. Workers and others in the system need to be reminded that we all have "free will" and that even those raised in the best of families can choose a wrong road and vice versa. Too, please withhold judgment and keep an open mind towards those of the same blood. While not perfect, these people can be the child's greatest asset... and the worker's.

Anything anyone does can be closely scrutinized and critiqued. Kinship care is no exception. Say what you will regarding the view that the nut doesn't fall far from the tree, it is still my belief that when possible, family members should always be considered as the first alternative to the biological home. Scripture tells us we are to care for widows and orphans. May God raise up more of us to do just that, whether the "orphans" are related or not. Heaven knows the whole world needs it.

Fostering Families TODAY: A valuable resource for families fostering and adopting children from the U.S. child welfare system, serving individuals and families touched by adoption, foster care, kinship, guardianship, as well as other complex blended families.

Comments

I can't get into all the details in this small area but I will try, please read carefully or you will not catch the specific details in my case.
MAKE SURE TO WRITE THE ENTIRE LINK IN THE SEARCH BAR START WITH -h- and end with the -8-
if you have problems with it, email me directly and I can forward you a click link.
PLEASE sign this petition at http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/348064208
Save Neasha and 1.35 million other innocent children in the U.S.
Kinship caregivers have been left out of the law 'child and safe family act' by former President Bill Clinton, it forgot to protect the 1.35 million children living with relatives whom would adopt them if the Court would follow the same laws established for foster care situations.
I live in Michigan and on May 17 2006 I had to put NEASHA into a state workers car and buckle her in the seat while she cried 'mama I don't want to go away with him, I want to go home with you and daddy'. We lost my Granddaughter whom I had for 4 of her 4 1/2 years;
2 1/2 of these years I had custody from the State of Georgia the papers stated if mom did
not petition the court within 2 years and show significant changes, then I was to seek permanency in my state. These papers expired 9/29/05 while waiting for my court date.
I petitioned as I was told to do. This Judge returned the child to the mother even with my
lawyer proving her to be unchanged and the mother admitted it. The judge returned the
child to her mother AND ordered me the grandmother to pay the mothers lawyer fees! This
child does not know who her mother is and only seen her for maybe 10 hours in the past
3-1/2 years and she still did not know who this person was. I get no visits and lost my 'child'
to the lifestyle her mother is living and she now has two smaller children... bringing me to you
for help. I have my state representative willing to help change the wording in that law to help all of us who are raising relatives children with no real legal safety. I found that if I can get
each person who agrees with me that the child should have remained with me; since the mother did not comply before the 2 years was over with significant changes and, that the
court should have terminated her rights and allowed me to adopt her, then ‘maybe’ we
can get this Judge to amend her decision and get this little girl returned to us where she
wants to be and needs to be. If you agree please send me a letter of support as soon as possible to one of the addresses below. These letters will be printed and taken to the state
and if it works we can all take part in changing the law nation wide to protect these children. We pray for the return of our baby and that you find within your hearts to get involved by showing your support, maybe we can make it happen if we are loud enough, so get a
support letter written today, it can't hurt to try again! It is for the children's best interest.
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
PLEASE sign the petition at http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/348064208 and Send an e-mail letter of support to: richtrailer@yahoo.com
- or -
write & mail to:
“SAVING NEASHA”
3869 Mc Cullum St.
Beaverton, MI. 48612
be sure to send this paper with your name, address, city, state and zip on this page with a letter of support.
PLEASE
HELP US SAVE NEASHA ANDTHE OTHER 1.35 MILLION INNOCENT CHILDREN LIKE HER!
Please pass this address along to as many people as you can, we need all the help we can get. THANK YOU!

Posted by: Barbara Jablonski at 06/28/2006 09:58 AM

I have custody of my 2 year old niece and and expecting to have permanent custody in July and plan to begin adoption as soon as possible. Does anyone have any advice on the process or what to expect?

Posted by: Roberts at 06/16/2006 09:50 PM

Hi
I am an parental aunt who has been trying to adopt my niece for 3 yrs. It has been a very difficult
3yrs.I was glad to read the article, Kinship Care and Strings Attached. I know there has to be alot of us relatives trying to do what is right and would love to care for our families' children.
I wish there was more help for us and those others in the same situation were in. We received a letter stating that the judge hearing our niece's case wants to wait for a Superior Court to decide a case of an aunt and uncle rights standing to adopt or not, before she will consider us having standing for adoption for our niece. Any information anyone has that might help would be much appreciated.

Posted by: maime at 02/26/2006 11:33 AM

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