How We Became a Family
The Call! We Got The Call!27 days later, we got a call that we were chosen and our son was ready for us to pick up ... that Saturday! When we got the call, I was on the phone so our counselor called Bill at work. He called the recorder and tried to leave me a message but his message was so garbled from his excitement, I thought something bad had happened. We finally did get the information straight.
Our son was 2 3/4 months old and his bmom was going tosign away her rights the next day at noon. She wanted to be sure we wanted him first. We decided not to tell anyone until she had signed. We couldn't let ourselves believe this was really happening. We didn't sleep at all that night. I went to work early the next day, since I wasn't sleeping anyway. At noon, I got the call that the papers were signed. I called Bill and told him and then called my mom at work. When she got on the phone I said, "Mom, I am going to be a mommy this Saturday!" She started screaming! She told everyone. We were so excited we didn't sleep much between then and Saturday.
Sadness and JoyWe met Seth's bmom half an hour before we met our son. She was quiet and sad, but eager to see if we liked our son. We got to know a little about her and she filled out parts of his baby book. We were all nervous. She had long hair and it hid her face much of the time. She interacted with Seth really well I could tell they loved each other. She was so sad when Seth was actually there. She had already signed away her rights and I think she was worried this was the lasttime she would ever see him.
We were not ready for how sad she was. Seth had been in foster homes for two months by her choice and I guess we thought she wasn't as attached as she was. I am glad we got it on video because I didn't remember all I wanted to until I replayed it. We got together again at the agency two months later and got to know each other much better. Shewas and still isn't very good at expressing herself in letters. During the second visit we asked if we could take her out to lunch. The counselors looked a bit scared at theprospect but it was great. We all relaxed and she got to see us handle Seth in public, which was great for her. This is where we started clicking. She could see we meant to do this and it wasn't just words on paper. Our relationship has gotten better and more comfortable as time has passed. One of the times we got together recently, Seth told his bmom he loves her it was so sweet.
Seth is three he will tell you I am his mommy and _______ is his birthmom. He came from her tummy and she gave him to us and we held him and we are all so happy.
I am not sure what it all really means to Seth, but he put it together from the stories we tell him, conversations we have had with his bmom, pictures and the videos of placement day. He is 3 1/2 and just starting to understand where babies come from, but it is not something he memorized. He doesn't sound confused about it at all.
On The Road AgainWhen Seth was almost 15 months old, we decided he needed a sibling and we were ready to adopt again. The paperwork was shorter but still daunting, and the home study was just asthorough. This time from initial contact to the approval letter took 4 months. We were ready to wait while we finished saving the money we needed. Five months later we got a call that a young woman wanted to meet us. She was due in four weeks and was having a boy. She wanted to meet us at a park so she could watch us interact with Seth.
We set a date a week away. I would have gone that moment to meet her if that was what she wanted. She didn't look pregnant at all until she pulled her shirt back tight. We met the father-to-be and both grandmas at the same time. His bmom-to-be was self assured and well spoken. We liked her a lot. The expecant dad was quiet except when he broke away from the group and went down to talk with Bill for a short while. One of the grandmothers grilled me without mercy but I kept up with her.
The place they chose for us to meet was the world's worst park for a two year old. It had dangerous slides, three-foot drop offs down to the each level, and the swings were madefor much bigger children. Bill and I tag-teamed so that one of us kept Seth from killing himself and the other was talking to them. Seth hurt himself so many times. We left there thinking we liked both bparents - even though they did not get along at all - but who knew what they thought of us.
She delivered three days later and had her counselor call us and set it up for us to come pick up our son. We picked Tate up from the hospital when he was 42 hours old. That was the second time we were with his bmom and we had a great visit. Tate's bmom was very sad but very sure of her decision, knowing she wasn't at all ready to parent. We were better prepared this time. We gave her our full names and phone number before we left.
We got together 4 months later at a restaurant and had a lot of fun. We really clicked well. We got together several more times and, just before his first birthday, Tate took his first steps for his bmom. It was a wonderful experience for all of us.
Next Page: Openness and Attitudes2000 (c) Cynthia
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